Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
I found this explanation and thought I would share. Its helped me a lot!
Its taken from this page which has lots of other useful explanations:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/200812/are-you-dating-abuser
Multiple-Victimization
Research shows that if a woman has been mistreated in the past, even in childhood, there's a good chance that she'll be mistreated in her next relationship as well. It's called, "multiple-victimization," and it is often misunderstood.
I have heard far too many women clients say things like, "I could walk into a room full of doctors and therapists and fall in love with the one criminal."
Or they ask with sad and bewildered eyes, "Why do I only attract resentful, angry, and abusive partners?" They wonder if they put out signals that say, "Please abuse me!" This particular misconception has even infected a few professionals who have ridiculously theorized that some women "want to be abused."
If you've experienced multiple-victimization, please understand this: The problem is not that you attract only resentful, angry, or abusive suitors; it's that, by and large, you have not been receptive to the gentler, more respectful men you also attract. This is not due to your temperament or personality; it's a normal defensive reaction. After you've been hurt, of course you'll put up subtle barriers for self-protection. Non-abusive men will recognize and respect those barriers. For example, suppose that you work with someone who's attracted to you. But he senses that you're uncomfortable with his small gestures for more closeness. He will naturally back off and give you time to heal, or he'll settle for a non-romantic friendship. But a man who is likely to mistreat you will either not recognize your barriers or completely disregard them. He will continue to hit on you, until he breaks down the protective walls that surround your hungry heart.
Its taken from this page which has lots of other useful explanations:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/200812/are-you-dating-abuser
Multiple-Victimization
Research shows that if a woman has been mistreated in the past, even in childhood, there's a good chance that she'll be mistreated in her next relationship as well. It's called, "multiple-victimization," and it is often misunderstood.
I have heard far too many women clients say things like, "I could walk into a room full of doctors and therapists and fall in love with the one criminal."
Or they ask with sad and bewildered eyes, "Why do I only attract resentful, angry, and abusive partners?" They wonder if they put out signals that say, "Please abuse me!" This particular misconception has even infected a few professionals who have ridiculously theorized that some women "want to be abused."
If you've experienced multiple-victimization, please understand this: The problem is not that you attract only resentful, angry, or abusive suitors; it's that, by and large, you have not been receptive to the gentler, more respectful men you also attract. This is not due to your temperament or personality; it's a normal defensive reaction. After you've been hurt, of course you'll put up subtle barriers for self-protection. Non-abusive men will recognize and respect those barriers. For example, suppose that you work with someone who's attracted to you. But he senses that you're uncomfortable with his small gestures for more closeness. He will naturally back off and give you time to heal, or he'll settle for a non-romantic friendship. But a man who is likely to mistreat you will either not recognize your barriers or completely disregard them. He will continue to hit on you, until he breaks down the protective walls that surround your hungry heart.
I posted this whole article on a thread called Psychopathy and Sadism, but here is a part of it:
https://psychopathy101.wordpress.co...
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Psychopathy and Sadism
July 11, 2011 by psychopathy101
Anyone who has had some type of interaction with a psychopath knows its all about power and control over others. Why you may ask if you have never had an Encounters of the Psychopathic Kind Here Well, I’ll let Dr. Melton sum it up, “Integrity and conscientiousness remind Controllers of their most profound character flaw. They hate being reminded of what they do not have. They hate those qualities in others because Controllers cannot possess them. That is one reason that they are attracted to integrity. But their attraction is rooted in a desire to dominate or destroy. They must manipulate, rule or emotionally and psychologically annihilate anyone whose soundness of character reminds them of their own profoundly egotistical, selfish and empty natures.
So, one reason we attract psychopaths is because they are attracted to moral integrity which they can never possess.
I believe another reason we attract them is because--very often, you will notice--we are wounded by previous abuse. We have been "softened up" for the psychopath. We have been conditioned to give more than we take, and to relinquish personal boundaries. It is my belief that, no matter how hard we have worked on our abuse issues, there remain deep wounds of which we may not even be aware. But the psychopath is aware of them. He knows that all he has to do is get us to turn off our surveillance systems. We, perhaps more than others, WANT the luxury of being with someone we can trust. He knows we will go for it if he can trick us into believing he is completely trustworthy, and he knows he can do that. As "the truth is not in him." He is a Master Liar, an offspring of the "father of lies." So he knows success is guaranteed if he is really good at his game, and he enjoys proving how good he is.
I talked to my recent P online 4 months before we met in person. I had been married to a P 30 years, previously, and had written a book in 2000, the first victim witness acount (not published). I also wrote online 2000-2003. I started talking with P in 2010. He asked me if I could spot a P, and I said yes I could. A really good one might be able to get past me, but I would know within a month of beginning a relationship and I would then get out. We began a relationship in January 2011. About a month later, he asked me if I thought he was a P. I said no I did not thnk so. Truthfully, it had occurred to me as so many of his behaviors were similar to my ex-husband's. But P #2 brilliantly portrayed a complex of other mental disorders, including bi-polar illness, borderline PD (which he has, along with psychopathy), social anxiety, low self-esteem, victim of abusive romantic relationship, clinical depression, etc. None of this stuff was true, except for his borderline symptoms, but he was an amazing actor. He so confused the picture that it took me a long time to accurately interpret it.
P's also choose victims of abuse because they steal their life stories and portray portions of those stories as their own life stories. I have no doubt now that many of the stories P told me about himself were the true stories of former partners he had pillaged.