Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
My S discarded me for someone new this summer while I was home visiting my family (I moved to a foreign country for him). He told me he was depressed and needed space to "fix himself", but still loved me deeply and perhaps after that we would get back together. To this day denies the affair despite blatant evidence.
We remained in contact throughout the moving-out process (though he was extremely difficult, cold, and uncooperative). I continued to see him and have sex with him until I discovered the affair. I am settled in a new apartment and slowly putting the pieces of my life back together. Last that I know of, he is living on a friend's couch, not working, and seemingly with no plans to find an apartment or a job. I told him that I am fragile from everything that happened over the past 6 months and need time and space to heal and am not in a place that we can be talking.
ALL of his things are being stored in my apartment. He's begun texting me again; "How are you...I miss you....song lyrics..." and finally, "I get the hint....I'll leave you alone...."
I've been sticking to no contact....but there's still pretty much all of his belongings in my closet.
He's never hurt me physically, but I feel scared to tell him to "get his stuff and leave me alone" or to move it somewhere else. I'm afraid being the one to officially say or imply "it's over and we're not getting back together" will cause an unbearable series of manipulation, guilt, anger. And the empath in me still can't bear to be cold and heartless with my best friend and partner of 4 years....even though he was that to me. In the fantasy of the relationship....even though he broke up with me...I feel so guilty that I haven't been clear and told him "this is over" and am just disappearing instead.
I'm still so fragile, and can't bear the thought of interacting with him. I just want to quietly slip away. All my friends tell me to tell him to get his stuff or move it....tell him where it is...and then block him everywhere. I'm too scared to do that. Even though it makes me anxious that there is still anything connecting us....I feel like the best plan is to store his things quietly in my closet....and eventually he will come and take them when he moves (I will make sure I have roommates, friends, etc at the apartment with me when he does, perhaps I will not be there at all) and there will be no aggression, manipulation.
I am finishing my masters degree, and have one more year after this one before I leave the country and return home; where an ocean and immigration laws will keep him far away. For those with experience dealing with these kinds of people....what is the best course of action?
We remained in contact throughout the moving-out process (though he was extremely difficult, cold, and uncooperative). I continued to see him and have sex with him until I discovered the affair. I am settled in a new apartment and slowly putting the pieces of my life back together. Last that I know of, he is living on a friend's couch, not working, and seemingly with no plans to find an apartment or a job. I told him that I am fragile from everything that happened over the past 6 months and need time and space to heal and am not in a place that we can be talking.
ALL of his things are being stored in my apartment. He's begun texting me again; "How are you...I miss you....song lyrics..." and finally, "I get the hint....I'll leave you alone...."
I've been sticking to no contact....but there's still pretty much all of his belongings in my closet.
He's never hurt me physically, but I feel scared to tell him to "get his stuff and leave me alone" or to move it somewhere else. I'm afraid being the one to officially say or imply "it's over and we're not getting back together" will cause an unbearable series of manipulation, guilt, anger. And the empath in me still can't bear to be cold and heartless with my best friend and partner of 4 years....even though he was that to me. In the fantasy of the relationship....even though he broke up with me...I feel so guilty that I haven't been clear and told him "this is over" and am just disappearing instead.
I'm still so fragile, and can't bear the thought of interacting with him. I just want to quietly slip away. All my friends tell me to tell him to get his stuff or move it....tell him where it is...and then block him everywhere. I'm too scared to do that. Even though it makes me anxious that there is still anything connecting us....I feel like the best plan is to store his things quietly in my closet....and eventually he will come and take them when he moves (I will make sure I have roommates, friends, etc at the apartment with me when he does, perhaps I will not be there at all) and there will be no aggression, manipulation.
I am finishing my masters degree, and have one more year after this one before I leave the country and return home; where an ocean and immigration laws will keep him far away. For those with experience dealing with these kinds of people....what is the best course of action?
Maybe you just have to do that a little longer before you can escape. If you're anything like me, you will have kept your plans of moving to yourself until the end...
Maybe just tell him you are having a new roommate and need him to move his stuff out?