Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
This is a short version of my story:
* I met online for professional purposes, then met physically on an elite sports competition (I'm an athlete) a man who introduced himself as a professional coach with a stellar academic pedigree (graduated and MS from the best universities), having coached hundreds of champions, and a decorated Navy officer in medical discharge with combat related PTSD
* We dated for a year, some very "unfortunate accidents" happened and he couldn't deliver the seminar we organized for him, he had a "last minute" problem meeting me for my trip to meet him in Florida (I am/was a resident from another country, I do have a Ph.D., I am a licensed coach, I do have published books, etc).
* Problem after problem happened that he couldn't find a house for us, nor buy a car. We lived for two months in hotels and rental cars
* My family sent me alarming news about my credit card accounts back home, with huge bills - I couldn't understand, since I hadn't touched them. He said all was fine, just a misunderstanding and he had a lot of money and would take care of it. He kept me out of the conversation with my sister
* a horrible misunderstanding happened that he was cited in a serious DEA charge in California, his "main account" was frozen and we had to leave in three weeks the only house we had
* we got married on December the 17th
* he was arrested on January the 8th for failing to return rental property and... for being a fugitive from Alabama, where he had forged an instrument (serious felony)
* it was then that I discovered that I had ZERO on my accounts, no money even for a cab (and I had to teach the following day) and a debt of, now calculated, US$ 13,091.02.
* the first 72h were critical and I had friends driving me around. I was advised by the Sheriff and my new attorney (hired to nullify the marriage for 4 grand) to press charges against him for fraud / grand theft
* I left and came to Virginia, where my sister lives
My family bailed me out financially. They are not happy with me. I know they blame me. Some of them are not talking to me.
In the first contact with my sister, when I understood that, I tried to commit suicide, but only managed to make same deep cuts with the knife the con artist had given me as a present.
I'm in a very dark moment right now. I have a company back home, but we were filing for adjustment of status, so half of my life is undone. My attorney is looking for alternatives (the other attorney). I am feeling stuck and I do have suicidal thoughts, still.
* I met online for professional purposes, then met physically on an elite sports competition (I'm an athlete) a man who introduced himself as a professional coach with a stellar academic pedigree (graduated and MS from the best universities), having coached hundreds of champions, and a decorated Navy officer in medical discharge with combat related PTSD
* We dated for a year, some very "unfortunate accidents" happened and he couldn't deliver the seminar we organized for him, he had a "last minute" problem meeting me for my trip to meet him in Florida (I am/was a resident from another country, I do have a Ph.D., I am a licensed coach, I do have published books, etc).
* Problem after problem happened that he couldn't find a house for us, nor buy a car. We lived for two months in hotels and rental cars
* My family sent me alarming news about my credit card accounts back home, with huge bills - I couldn't understand, since I hadn't touched them. He said all was fine, just a misunderstanding and he had a lot of money and would take care of it. He kept me out of the conversation with my sister
* a horrible misunderstanding happened that he was cited in a serious DEA charge in California, his "main account" was frozen and we had to leave in three weeks the only house we had
* we got married on December the 17th
* he was arrested on January the 8th for failing to return rental property and... for being a fugitive from Alabama, where he had forged an instrument (serious felony)
* it was then that I discovered that I had ZERO on my accounts, no money even for a cab (and I had to teach the following day) and a debt of, now calculated, US$ 13,091.02.
* the first 72h were critical and I had friends driving me around. I was advised by the Sheriff and my new attorney (hired to nullify the marriage for 4 grand) to press charges against him for fraud / grand theft
* I left and came to Virginia, where my sister lives
My family bailed me out financially. They are not happy with me. I know they blame me. Some of them are not talking to me.
In the first contact with my sister, when I understood that, I tried to commit suicide, but only managed to make same deep cuts with the knife the con artist had given me as a present.
I'm in a very dark moment right now. I have a company back home, but we were filing for adjustment of status, so half of my life is undone. My attorney is looking for alternatives (the other attorney). I am feeling stuck and I do have suicidal thoughts, still.
It will be hard for your friends and family to understand this. Anyone who hasn't been victimized by a psychopath isn't going to be able to understand how charming and convincing they are. But know that there are many victims out there. They are very good at what they do and they spend their entire lives doing it. So there's nothing wrong with you.
The best thing right now is probably to stay in contact with others who understand what you've been through and will be supportive. You have this group and you maybe be able to find a local support group in real life for abuse victims. You can survive this. It's a painful journal, but we all know your struggle here.
My family is a different matter. Families are complicated and the relationships are ambivalent. Mine is not an exception - rather the rule.
I have a very good attorney and my career is very solid, with a strong CV. The problem is that now what I had in the other country, in spite of still active, has shrinked with my absence. Here, I still need paperwork done to actually get things going (since all was planned towards another goal).
Some of my friends had been weary of telling me he was asking them for money, which he also stole. Others already suspected something fishy. He used some of us to vouch for him to the others. Now that we all know, all the evidence is surfacing.
His previous employer and his manager actually came to visit me and offered support: he took 5 grand from them.
I am still very shaken and lost, mostly because I'm not young anymore and had made a bold professional move. Although I am still top ranked at my sport, I'm an exception: at my age, people are already master competitors, not open like me.
I have no idea what my life will look like in the near future, let alone a medium or long term one. All my savings are gone.
What baffles me is that he didn't take any of that: I tracked what he did: he spent my money on our hotel, car rental bills and food.
What's the point?
This guy is clearly way above the average in intelligence. It is part of my profession to judge his in research assistants. He could be a druglord, loaded and powerful.
Why settle for this?
He left with nothing, he is incarcerated, will certainly do time and probably will spend the rest of his life scamming people.
But you see... small stuff. Doesn't fit any logical description...
Yes, he destroyed my plans, my finances, my hopes... but didn't take away anything. Just... burned it....
These guys make me sick. They usually get off with a slap on the wrist and go right back to it. I got so tired of it that I made sure the last one wasn't gonna get away with it. The one thing they absolutely hate is exposure. And it sounds like this guy has already received a good bit of that from you and prior victims. So that's good. I had to be the one to expose the last one to everyone. His ex wife, that he had kids with, didn't know any of it. So I printed out all the legal records and gave them to her, and told her where she could go to verify it all for herself (in case she didn't believe me). I also printed copies of all his BS dating profiles showing his extensive lies and alias identities. And like the dozen lawsuits he's had against him the past couple years for stealing money from check cashing places so that he could appear rich to unsuspecting victims when he pulled out wads of cash. I exposed him to his employer (he was working under fraudulent licenses), his 2 ex wives, and I was going to continue with it but then had a family emergency that changed my focus. But I did look into him lately and he lost his house at the same time all that was going on and now lives in a rental in the total ghetto, far away from where he used to work, so I am pretty sure he lost that job. His ex wife called him out on his bs because he immediately took down his fake profile BS. But I'm sure he' continues the game with new victims still.
He's in jail in Florida for fraud/grand larceny (my case, which became high profile). But he is a fugitive of Alabama for "possession of forged instrument". I have no idea what, but it is a felony and the bond was set at 150,000.00 at first and dropped to 15,000.00. He's not going anywhere.
The detective said our trial (yes, it will go to Court) will take a while. Only then he will be extradited to Alabama. He has no job anymore. No house, no car, no bank accunts - nothing. No friends, either.
And now, after my official note, a line of victims taking their proof to the Florida police department...
I became friends with his ex-girlfriend, who lived with him for 8 years. He ruined her life. But the house and car (plus cable and other accounts) were all in her name.
I wonder what he needed me for and why so eager to marry me.
BTW..it was 6 years :)