Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
Hello all, I'm new today to this forum, but I'm grateful it exists. I found out two days before Thanksgiving that my husband of 39 years was secretly living with his assistant (he worked away from home 3-4 days a week). I had clues for a few years, but he had excuses for each one, and I had denial with a capital D. I just could NOT believe he would be there having coffee with me, taking walks, telling me what a great writer i was, eating the foods I prepared especially for him. The thing is, even though my intuition was telling me something was wrong, each time something suspicious happened, he had an immediate (always after the fact) explanation that made me think I was over-sensitive, over-reactive, basically I was imagining things. Only I wasn't. And now I feel so played for a fool for so many (I don't even know how many) years. When I finally had had enough and hired a private investigator (huge/scary step), I told myself it was to prove his innocence. Only, shockingly it did the reverse. It proved he was leaving me on Monday mornings to go stay with her on Monday nights, etc. This would be a "normal" cheating affair, if it wasn't for his reaction after I found out. He has shown no remorse, no emotions, and I'm now realizing that pattern has been in place for many years. I've been reading a very helpful book called "Psychopath Free," that says we actually teach them how to feel in situations. I remember clearly doing that. "Our daughter is feeling sick, you should call her," or "Our son had a hard week at work, he needs your support." I could go on and on, but thing I'm facing now that I'm looking back with clear, open eyes, is that he definitely has psychopathic tendencies, and yet if I tell others, I will look like the crazy one? I have a therapist, thank God, but it's hard not to share the truth with others. How many friends and family have you all told, or do you keep it to yourself? Much love to all who have or are going through this unbelievable thing....
This is not your fault, you are not a fool he has gaslighted you until you didn't know what was happening and yet you continued to have faith in him and he used that faith.
His emotionless response to your stress and then the blaming you is text book P and it looks from here he has all 30 red flags flying.
At this point you are probably still in a state of shock or you may be starting to go throught all the stages of grief I don't know its different for everyone but know this..... no one else will understand what you are going through unless they have been through a P relationship themselves. It is very difficult for our friends and loved ones to understand the truly cruel and evil behaviours these monsters have. Normal people don't want to believe that anyone could be so cruel it ruins there faith in humanity so they will turn away from it, its just easier.
My P left me with nothing i lost my home, my company my car everything, my family and my friends can not get there heads around it and I now understand why. Its the way the P works the whole devalue and the discard its the most awful pain and I feel for you.
Trust me on this you will succeed and the best way to do that is talk to us here everyone gets what you are going through so vent we will be here for you.
The other thing to do is read...educate yourself on all there is to know about Psychopaths and how they use and manipulate people. Once I started doing this it made so much sense and then I understood what had happened to me I could give it a name " I'm a victim of a Psychopath" he had raped my soul and all the peices of the puzzle started to come together.
Keep posting let us know how you are you can't go through this alone so we are here for you.
Much love big hugs
Star
ive never discussed it with my family i pretty much had to act like everything was ok when yet i was a walking disaster because they would never comprehend what i was going through. i lost friends over it and more. its best to be careful who you talk to about it at least for now while your wounds are so fresh. i hope you can talk to your therapist about it. this is one thing the sociopath counts on is you going around saying things about him that make you sound like your crazy, its his open door to a smear campaign against you. just get a good feel for someone who you choose to discuss it with. people just really dont get it.
You will become stronger and make decisions regarding your relationship. Your children are the most important right now - your husband will have to face reality and make decisions, too. Seek professional support for now so you are not overwhelmed. It made all the difference when I was going through my divorce. You may grow old together, but you want to be healthy and sound - an affair can take the floor out from under you. Take good care of yourself.
damaged people. I suppose we must remember we wouldn't be hurting so badly if we weren't good, caring, and honest people ourselves.