Well the first one.... I dont think he was meant to treat me the way that he did. He came in to help me with grief. I still am unsure if he was a psychopath or sadistic narcissist. He left me emotionally an empty shell.

The second, a charismatic psychopath, mirrored me, and pulled me out of where i was. Made me laugh.Brought cheer into my life. He did financially cause me problems. But I did get that money back. So, yes the second, I do definately think i was meant to meet, but the first, I am not too sure. I cannot see the point of meeting him at all.

I'm not really a great believer in *fate* ... Many roads lead to Mecca (so to speak) .. For me, every decision we make, every fork in the road we meet, gives us a choice, and the karma that we accumulate from those choices, brings us consequences (good or bad). I made a bad decision by not taking the alternative path when I met my psycho .. I should have followed the signpost that said *run away (quickly)*

In some ways, what happened to me was a great lesson. You see, some years ago, I used to see a guy from work, we started off by being friends, he liked the same music blah blah blah, and despite the fact that I KNEW he had a girlfriend at home, I still chose to pursue the situation (it was a sexual attraction .. not deep and meaningful stuff).

I was perfectly happy being single, I once told him that if ever his girlfriend found out, I did not want to find him on my doorstep! He was 100% cool with that as he planned to marry this girl (who was 15 years his junior, educated and who came from a good background). I saw him once or twice a month for three years in total (by this time he was married and everything). Looking back, he was probably another sociopath to be honest. I heard tales on the grapevine about his drinking and obnoxious behaviour, she would have had to put up with all of that, while I got the fun person. I expected nothing from him other than self gratification, he said I let him be himself!

His girlfriend/wife became friends with alot of my friends, but only one knew the situation between us. (my best friend). He would go out with them, and then relate how bizarre it was that he would behave like he was totally in love with his girlfriend/wife, yet he knew the truth (he was quite shocked at the facade). I made a point never to be in her company, it made it easier for my conscience not to know her as a person. I used this to justify my actions, and the old chestnut 'I'm single, so I'm not doing anything wrong' (totally selfish)

Anyway I moved to another job, and that was the end of that for me. Incidently, I still hear from him from time to time, wanting to hook up, but I never respond.

Several years span on, and I met the Sociopath. Suddenly I found myself in a situation where I was that guys girlfriend. On more than one occasion I said to myself 'this is my punishment' .. I could actually relate to what that girl was feeling/thinking, because I was living with a drunken, obnoxious loser who was disrespecting me in the same way! It opened my eyes to the kind of selfish person I had become, because I understood what it must have been like for her. How easily I dismissed her feelings as not important (to me). And I believe for that, I paid the price when Mr Psycho walked into my life.

I often asked how i deserved to meet the guy i met after my daughter died. He was sadistic, mentally and emotionally abusive he was cruel. He absolutely destroyed me. There was nothing left of me.

Who better to come into my life afterwards than a cheerful, charming, charismatic sociopath? This is why i struggle to hate him (he is the one who posts here).... as he did always cheer me up. He mirrored me, when i was so absolutely lost even 16 sessions of EMDR for PTSD had no effect. But he did. People would say what a difference in me. We talked about this a lot. I KNEW that all the money he had taken would be returned to me. He encouraged me to stay off work, work had became impossible. I even sat with him as i batttled emails to work..... the money was returned as work gave me a years salary to leave (with a good reference) he gave me strength to fight them. As he is a sociopath, he listens or at least pretends to, all the things i go through. and honestly he does cheer me up. I had (without treatment for ptsd) got an addiction to calling psychics and mediums (i spent £8,500 in the first 4 months after my daughter died) - he changed that, as he taught me..... sociopaths were just the same as psychics and mediums we pay a fortune for empty promises.... i dont call them anymore because of him. He got me out on my bike, which was fun, and got the left right action in my brain working - which helped a lot with ptsd. He came out with me, as i had a massive fear of going out -he held my hand... lots of things really. I think, despite all the stupid things he did....he was better for me than negative. all things balanced. I am glad i met him - but i sincerely regret meeting the first one. as i see no reason at all to meet him. None at all.

Thats a really interesting story manyrivers. I really believe that life is like that. I think that people we meet can make us see things. Open our eyes.It can make us see the truth, and that is how we learn and grow.

I like that story thanks for sharing.

When I read this thread I took some time to think about it, and here´s what I got :D
I met him after I had some bad experiences in life. I was depressed, dissilusioned with people etc. I finally decided to just forget about all that, be "happy" and have fun. I decided to party and have fun with guys etc. Then he showed up. I could talk to him about everything and he also supported me in some things that I liked. I finally thought I found a best friend. But, then he also started doing all those nasty stuff. He didn´t let me have fun. He was overly jealous, possessive, selfish, he emotionally blackmailed me, manipulated me, lied to me, made up bizzare stories and then when I completely lost myself, he dumped me. I felt horrible and depressed again. I thought, why?! I finally managed to get rid of my depression, I decided to take charge of my life. I decided to have fun, I decided to be happy, why did he have to ruin it all?! But, when I think more about it, maybe he was sent to make me see that I was actually living a lie. The person I was trying to be was not who I really was. Maybe that was the message.

I don't think I will ever understand fully why I had to go through what I did with my husband. I often look at my faults for being attracted to him and still blame myself for being so blind to it. I have gotten more spiritual through it all. And I'm not sure I would have ever grown so spiritual without such pain and suffering. So, if in the end, all of this chaos has brought me closer to God, I feel blessed.

Sometimes I think I was meant to meet my exNS. When we first met, he wrote down his full name on a piece of paper. I looked at it and just felt like I’d met him before. His name just resonated with me. I was convinced I had heard his name years ago although we were both certain we had never met before. I thought then that maybe this meant that he was someone special, that he could be the man for me. That this feeling was a sign from the heavens. That this was it.

Unfortunately, that was not the case. Far from it...

Now I believe that myexNS was meant to play a certain role in my life. He has taught me about love and life. He has taught me to find and hold on to a man with a good heart. That status, career, good looks and material things mean nothing at the end of the day, if the man you are with has no heart, does not view you as his one and only and cannot feel love. He has also taught me that there are people out there who have no soul and that I should feel blessed for my empathy and my ability to love.

Loving this 'man', however, came at a huge price and I will be scarred forever. I have tried to convince myself that everything happens for a reason, but I think my lesson learned came at far too huge a cost. I do wish we had never crossed paths.

in 1988 i started dating a married man also and in 3 months he left her and married me, i had my only child with this man who turned out to be a sociopath. i too feel we are being taught this lesson because we are in a way chosen ones. i also feel karma has played a role in my current situation with my sociopathic ex. what i did dating a married man was very spiritually wrong and his ex got very hurt by my actions of thinking only of myself and what i wanted not realizing the pain i caused another person. i dont fully know if this is my pay back so to say for my actions but i also believe that my meeting another sociopath who was the love of my soul and life happened for a very important reason and lesson. it has made me aware of so many things i didnt ever understand about myself. i am to caring and trusting without making people earn my trust. i just assumed people meant what they said and were all genuinely good inside. i am an empath and have always cared more for others and have never learned to love myself. which has caused so much pain and agony in my entire life. i feel in a very strange way it is a blessing in disguise even though i also at this time have been destroyed beyond a point of no return and feel i can never be in a relationship again with anyone. it has taught me that i have to love myself and learn to not give my trust away so easily , it must be earned , even with friendships. until i learn to love myself i can never have a real honest and giving relationship with any man, since really i have no love to offer if i dont even love myself first. i have let so many people hurt me and take from me even though i knew they were doing it. i stayed out of my fear of being alone again with only myself. even when things went terrible bad. i still took the abuse when i should have sid good by out of respect for myself. but i had none. i believe this has happened to me in such a painful way to wake me up and make me see the truth and maybe just maybe there will some day be someone out there good for me and i will find real love. if not it has taught me to trust my instincts and try to learn how to love me and be ok in my own skin. i know deep down im a good person i just made such huge errors in many aspects of my life. i feel i am paying my karma for the people i have hurt intentional or not but i also feel i could have continued this behavior and never be given the chance to see the light that i needed to see to try and find some happiness and peace in my own heart and soul. its almost like we have been given a gift that not everyone is lucky enough to be given to see things for the truth that they are and to be protected against finding more evil persons who will try to destroy us more that we already have been. yes i do believe this has happened to me for a very important reason. almost like a blessing with hidden motives but we must see the truth in ourselves first to understand and learn from this horrible experience that we are worth so much more and to be truly able to maybe find someone who is good in there soul and treats us with the love and respect so so desperately deserve in this life. or even if i remain alone for the rest of my life i can do so knowing i am worthy of loving myself. i made mistakes and have learned the hardest way someone can to take responsibility for my actions. including hating myself. and to try to begin to forgive myself for any harm ive ever caused another person. nothing happens by chance we were chosen to go thru this because we are to be given a chance to learn who and what we can become to better ourselves and also to make sure we listen to our instincts and not let anyone ever treat us or hurt this way again at the hands of pure evil.

I agree with you Bella, although He was the only man I've ever been with and I never cheated or lied to him etc. I did deceive myself by staying with someone I wasn't in love with because I didn't have confidence or knowledge of what real love was. I knew when I told him I lived him the first time (3 weeks after he told me) that I loved him as a person but not in love. He was the first man to ever pursue me. (I'm far from ugly but I never had confidence or experience) I figured he was such a good man and kind soul that I would grow to love him. I never wanted to abandon him Foolish me. This is my Karma for being untrue to myself. Thanks for all ur responses xoxo

forwhatreason,,,,,never ever be untrue to yourself and feel that you are not worthy of true real love from the start. never settle for less you are worth so much more than that. there is a saying when you are young and dating....you must kiss many toads to find your prince.....i now no that no prince is going to ride in like i wanted to believe and sweep me off my feet, it isnt going to happen this is real life but you have so much of your life to look forward too. dont give up on love you have many wonderful experiences still to have ...never settle and see this as a blessing that it happened in the beginning of your love life instead of later when you are done with the whole dating thing...it will help you to see red flags when dating and who NOT to gravitate towards. its a hard lesson to learn but you have learned quickly what you do not want in your life as far as love goes. keep your faith and dont give up on love girl !!!! i wish for you many feelings of the goodness of real love...hugs u deserve the best and to be truly happy...go till you find the real thing!!!

I think some of us are conditioned to these people. They feel familiar to us and what others would normally run away from we would not because ..... well, we dont see their behaviours as abnormal as those who have never been around these types of people before. Sort of like when you 1st watched a horror movie and it scares the crap out of you. After watching it 5 or 6 times it doesn't have the same scare potencey as the 1st time you watched it. You become desensitized to it.

After I learned about NPD/psychopaths, I realize that there have been some in various aspects of my lives. I think I attract them, and they attract me. Unfortunately, for me, intensity is a turn-on and Ps are quite intense. My niceness and gullibility and trust were an attraction, and in the case of my ex, I had certain things he really wanted. So, now I think our marriage was all about getting those for him.

Strangely, as I researched more about NPD/P, I found that many other stories resembled mine. In particular, there were some scary ones of people who I seemed almost destined to meet, had I not met my H. In one case, I met a more dangerous and flamboyant one who ended up in a famous case, and I was connected to him through some close connections 3 ways. So, I feel I dodged a bullet there. In another famous case, the P husband had an almost identical upbringing and life history to my ex's. Really, in most ways, they could have been brothers. They even grew up in the same community. So, by comparison, I consider myself lucky. I'm not dead as this other one's wife is.

I do feel I have some karma or some life purpose to meet these sorts, both personally and professionally.