Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
I was in a relationship with someone I believe to be either a sociopath or psychopath. Definitely a pathological liar with no remorse. Short verison: We were together for 7 months. I ended up pregnant, he told me had a vasectomy (no this not an excuse). He kicked me out when I was 5 months pregnant, married his ex gf 2 weeks later and then didn't bother to keep in touch with me about the baby. I emailed him a few times about doc appts but he never responded and so when the baby came I didn't let him know. Granted this was 4 months later and he had not contacted me in 3 months. I got worried about custody issues being that there was no paper work and was fed what could be wrong information for Oklahoma. I tried to send him paperwork to terminate his rights, he didn't do anything. So I filed custody paper with a court in October. Keep in mind this whole time he's opening denying that there is any way this child was his. So now he wants to be the father since the paternity tests prove it.
I'm trying to protect my baby the best way I can. But we haven't actually had a trial date but he was ordered temporary visitation with her, 5hrs a week, unsupervised, no drug test needed. A STRANGER!! I am trying to find places like Lovefraud.com and other places of information that can lead me to the best course of action to take. I am unsure about my current lawyer ,she told me I was acting like a jilted lover. She doesn't seem to understand the mental abuse that he already put me and my other 2 children in. That I am physically ill to think about the harm I am being forced to place my daughter in. If anyone has any information on websites or information on places in Oklahoma to check into I'd appreciate it.
I'm trying to protect my baby the best way I can. But we haven't actually had a trial date but he was ordered temporary visitation with her, 5hrs a week, unsupervised, no drug test needed. A STRANGER!! I am trying to find places like Lovefraud.com and other places of information that can lead me to the best course of action to take. I am unsure about my current lawyer ,she told me I was acting like a jilted lover. She doesn't seem to understand the mental abuse that he already put me and my other 2 children in. That I am physically ill to think about the harm I am being forced to place my daughter in. If anyone has any information on websites or information on places in Oklahoma to check into I'd appreciate it.
I hope others here will have suggestions on the custody stuff. I know nothing about it. Good luck. I really wish you the best. It's unreal that he can get custody when he's had nothing to do with you or the kid this whole time. The legal system is sick.
One thing I learnt was- do NOT assume that justice or truth will win out. We were appointed a children's lawyer. I assumed she would remain impartial and investigate the situation. That is NOT what happened. I found out later that the lawyer was presented with a bunch of 'evidence" that I was crazy- basically a smear campaign while I concentrated on what was best for the children. He had bashed one of my children- kicked her while she was on the floor and given her a concussion. He SOMEHOW managed to convince child protection and the court that "he gave her a smack and she had a virus- (to explain vomiting from the concussion)... and then told them that I smacked the children all the time. (I didn't smack)... I am not trying to scare you I just want you to be aware that they will NOT play fair. Try to anticipate and mitigate that.
What I wish I had done...
Get as much proof you can that you are a good parent. Find people willing to give you a reference- babysitters, childcare providers, child health nurse. If you have any history of depression- which OFTEN happens after contact with a P/S/N- that WILL be used against you. Seeing a therapist regularly but not too regularly who can attest to your sanity would be a good thing also. Even a doctor who you have had long term contact with would suffice for this. Basically have the means to refute the smear campaign that may follow.
And- lastly-in your case I would try and stall. It doesn't sound like he is actually interested in his baby. He may be reacting to his 'tarnished image'. I mean just doing it to look good. I would also make sure that you are boring as hell when it comes to him. I would recommend doing a sort of modified non contact where you communicate in a businesslike manner. No emotions. No opinions. Just state unassailable facts. The less able he is to 'feed' off you the more likely he is to lose interest.
Of course none of this may work :(. Unfortunately he is assumed to have equal right to his baby under the law. This is probably why your lawyer is saying you are acting like a jilted lover. It probably comes across as you 'having something against him'. I totally understand WHY you feel that way and its totally justifiable. Also the lawyer may have been told by him that you are trying to prevent him from seeing his baby because of revenge or whatever.
Lastly- I had to come to a point where I had to stop fighting against a system that doesn't care and just do what was best for my children. For me that mean accepting that he is an asshole. He will do assholey and abusive shit to me and my kids but trying to get child protection or lawyers involved did NOT work. He got around it every time. I decided to take my kids to counselling and model what a good parent should be like. My eldest stopped seeing her Dad at age 13. the middle two still voluntarily see him. btw- when all of this was happening they were ages 8 down to 4. I realise plenty of this is different to your situation. It's my story and maybe something I went through could be helpful for you.
Coralie.
Those who wrote that it is pretty hard are right: it's the issue concerning evidence. It is really hard to gather compelling evidence.
Good luck - and whatever I find, I'll post it here