aargardfamily, i accused my ex S of talking and spending time with someone else. I asked him who are you calling now and called him out on what he was doing and he replied.

You are the cheat and liar, who are you messing around with. You are a disgusting individual and not a Christian. He said that i had no business being a girlfriend or a wife and he wanted me to leave him alone. I read it to his mom who said dont you see he is thinking that about himself. It was almost as if i could see him projecting his feelings of himself back at me. I was shocked at that letter. And....there was never I am sorry over what he wrote. I caught him and he tried to blame me for me. I called his speech to me word salad. I read that some where and i realized it fit him perfectly. In one sentence he could say we will always be together and in the same breath say when i get out we need to live close to each other so we can help each other like he did not want to be with me at all. Made my head spin.

They do project. Actually, I think that's the only real thing about them. If they say something awful about you, 9 out of 10 times, they're actually talking about themselves.
Mine told me I was cold and evil. That I didn't emotionally support our kids. That I was just like his father... when in fact, HE is an exact replica of his daddy dearest.
I remember thinking, "Huh? Can he really not see the similarities between him and his dad?"
I knew I was a kind, caring person. I've been told that since I was little by practically everyone so luckily my foundation there wasn't really shaken.

One thing that made my instincts stand on edge was when my ex (when talking about his ex-girlfriend) said, "Yeah, the one thing that really bugged me about her was how nice she was. She let everyone cry to her about everything. She'd give them the clothes off her back. It really bothered me."

Another time, he showed up on my doorstep and begged me to take him back. He said we were meant to be together... he's been so in love with me for the longest time that it hurt him inside.
The VERY next day, in a completely casual conversation, he said, "Yeah, I never had feelings for you until recently.... uh, ... but... I mean I love you now!!!"

I wrote that entry in my journal because I was like WTF??! How can he tell me he's been madly in love with me for the past decade but then say he never had feelings for me the very next day?

"I don't know why my parents named me a Jr. My father's name is William." He has the exact same name as his father.

Towards the end i was listening very closely because he would contradict himself in one sentence. I used to journal when i first met him from 2008-2010 and kept saying those things in my journal and questioning why he would say one thing and contradict his feelings or whatever it was in another. I also saved voicemails, one in particular. He told me how much he loved me, going out with the guys and he would call me later and he loved and missed me almost with a euphoric ring to his voice. This was after i gave him money the first time. Later i found out he was in the airport bathroom waiting on his plane to skip town to California to gamble all of my money away. Lying is like breathing to them.

I read the entries above mine after I had posted. I just joined recently & I can't believe how many have similar stories. He always tells me what a bad mother I am when, in fact, he sees his child once every 4-6 weeks (which is fine with me) & doesn't support her physically, financially or emotionally. He always says how I try to sabotage his relationships, how I am a horrible person & that I look like an angel to the public but behind doors I am a mean spirited & hurtful person. He always says I betrayed him because I finally filed paperwork for child support. My initial intention was not to ever have to do that & that we co-parent equally. He was all for it. But when the baby came, it was a completely different story. It turned into that I failed him & that he can't tolerate being around me. Everyone around me told me that I was being entirely too nice. It took me almost a year & a half to figure out that he was what I believe to be an S. I think once I had knowledge of that, I have found ways to deal with him... or not.

Ugh, yes, I've also been called a cold-hearted woman without empathy.

I guess it was because I stopped catering to all of his needs,

one of the (many) strange things he said: "i would saw my arm off with a dull butter knife and drive down (3 states away) and give it to you, if that would make you understand how much i love you."

One of mine was, "you dont get it, im never going to change. i like who i am. I dont run around being fake."

my therapist said, when someone tells you something about themselves, you need to listen.

One of the strange things he did was picking me up over a railing along the waterfront, like he was going to throw me over. I told him to stop because this does not look good in front of people.

He said, "What's the matter? Do you really think I was going to throw you in. I will never let you go..."

I should have seen the sign right there.

Lucy...lol yes, the drama. did you tell him that's what you wanted?

mine says she wants to jump into traffic cut herself then when I become worried she says she was serious.this coming from someone that sliced her own throat a year ago.gets in my face and says I'm attacking her.being mean ungrateful.she makes me cry and talk in circles because she is relentless.yet the next day I beg her to allow me to see her..she says I'm the crazy one

At the end when I knew it was over, he would make a very feign attempt to keep me to stay. He would tell me that he wanted to change and be a good father and husband. But like I said, it was the end and I knew it. So I said, Ok, lets see if you can do this for just 24 hours. Thats it, lets just try for one day.

lol, lo and behold, we would go to bed and i didnt want to be close to him because of the daily emotional abuse I dealt with that same very day. So when he didnt get sex from me that was it. He was enraged by me "making him jump through hoops". Needless to say, he has NEVER made it 24 hours.

I've heard every line in the book ... and swallowed them all!

After 15 months or so of his nonesense, I lashed out at my abuser, hitting him square in the face. I cut his lip and his nose and sent him reeling backwards onto his ass. I'm not proud of this but after months and months of his rages, threats and name calling, pointing into my face and shoving me around, I lost it! (something snapped).

He twisted the whole situation around on me and told people I was violently abusive. (and he now had the wounds to prove it) He even tried to convince me that I had anger issues. When the truth was, I had reached breaking point with his behaviour and had merely defended myself.

manyrivers, i found myself there once as well, and mine too played victim. he would say to me, it may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but when you least expect it i will have you arrested with the photographs.

It was right then, that threat that left me in a ball in the corner of my room. and mine did have me arrested for it, five months later.

ugh, this is why i wish others would listen instead of finding out for themselves. :(

emysty they always have to feel like they have something over you. It's like they spend their life collecting information that may be used as ammunition against you at a later date, even if it is not relevant!

Fortunately my ex didn't call the police, but this might have had something to do with the six marijuana plants he was cultivating in his spare room in a grow tent! LOL! He couldn't risk either them smelling them or me blowing the whistle on him. If he started playing dirty then I would not have hesitated to counter attack him in the same way!

Incidently, after I hit him, he never pushed me that far again, he still raged at me but he trod much more carefully, and never pointed into my face, which I think he associated with me snapping! In a funny way, it was a turning point for me, it definitely woke me up from the confused lethargy he had created in my head!