Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
I've not only had my now ex-H uNPD/P/BPD in my life, but in my career I've encountered quite a few Ns or Ps, or just nasties, some of whom have really set me back, or prevented my moving up jobwise at critical times.
One such person was proven to be a liar (in court), accused of theft, and was generally competitive, deceitful, and slimy. He deliberately screwed me over in a big way, and pulled a fast one, to slide into a better career slot over my position. He was actually my boss for a while. I remember being angry and resentful the whole time, but sucking it up because I could not afford to leave that job then.
Back then, I knew nothing about any psychology, let alone Ns and Ps, so I really can't say what he was. But he'd probably be a pretty covert, albeit milder, N or "almost P", certainly Machiavellian. In the end, in court, he was found to be morally, rather than legally wrong, and went on to further his prestigious career -- with little to hold him back.
He was partially a reason why one career branch that was just about to pay off for me, was ended for me, irretrievable due to other circumstances. So, knowing him was very traumatic for me. It ended a strong upward career path that I thought I was all set on, just before getting to the much better money and hours to spend more time with my kids. So, I really valued what I then lost. The loss and the changes that came after started me on my way to my present trauma.
Fast forward to now. Well, I no sooner told my therapist that I was just starting to feel better from my complex PTSD, not as sensitive to stress and fearful all the time, not as easily triggered. Of course, just after that, literally a few hours later, I treated myself out to a nice dinner to kind of celebrate that I realized I am recovering.
Halfway through, I look up and this man is sitting right there in my line of sight. I have not seen him for 14 years, and as far as I know, he lives in another city far from here. He looked different enough that it took me a few moments to place him. So, I was staring and he noticed. I know he saw me staring at him because he refused to look at me, just kept peeking askance. He was with what appeared to me his wife and child. Must be a new one, because that all was after I knew him.
Once I realized who he was, the whole thing just massively triggered me with a flood of memories. I was suddenly so angry. My jaw set and my eyes blazed at him. I realized maybe this should be an opportunity, because like it or not, I am trying to get back into my old work, and he would be a contact. So, I briefly thought about approaching him nicely and seeing what he was up to, and whether he might know of something for me. But then, I remembered all he did, it continued to come back to me. So, I decided, no, I am never letting him (or any of the other guys who treated me this way back in the day) do it again. Instead I gave him angry, bad looks while I calmly finished my dinner and savored my wine. I know he saw me because it seems he had to explain why this woman was looking at him in such a hostile manner to his wife/S.O. It was a little satisfying. It was also satisfying that after I left for the parking lot, I drove back by the restaurant entrance as I had seen he was also just finishing. He came out, happened to see me, and lit out of there like a bat out of you know where. So, I freaked him out, followed him a bit just for fun, to freak him out more. Among other things, he was on my turf. I want him to realize that. And don't come back!
I was proud that I did not succumb to the temptation to swallow it all, and try to make nice to try to get back into the good graces for a job tip. in my field, it can be a small world, so you need to maintain contacts and not burn brides. But, why on earth would I open myself up to more vulnerability from him? I am so done with letting people like that have any sway over my life! It felt good to realize my new strength. I don't want them, and I don't need them. I'm not going to take it any more.
I'm proud I ended the trigger with protective and righteous anger, and resisted the temptation to fall back into old patterns. I was on the lookout for these on a personal level, but not so much on a career level. What I've learned applies to both.
One such person was proven to be a liar (in court), accused of theft, and was generally competitive, deceitful, and slimy. He deliberately screwed me over in a big way, and pulled a fast one, to slide into a better career slot over my position. He was actually my boss for a while. I remember being angry and resentful the whole time, but sucking it up because I could not afford to leave that job then.
Back then, I knew nothing about any psychology, let alone Ns and Ps, so I really can't say what he was. But he'd probably be a pretty covert, albeit milder, N or "almost P", certainly Machiavellian. In the end, in court, he was found to be morally, rather than legally wrong, and went on to further his prestigious career -- with little to hold him back.
He was partially a reason why one career branch that was just about to pay off for me, was ended for me, irretrievable due to other circumstances. So, knowing him was very traumatic for me. It ended a strong upward career path that I thought I was all set on, just before getting to the much better money and hours to spend more time with my kids. So, I really valued what I then lost. The loss and the changes that came after started me on my way to my present trauma.
Fast forward to now. Well, I no sooner told my therapist that I was just starting to feel better from my complex PTSD, not as sensitive to stress and fearful all the time, not as easily triggered. Of course, just after that, literally a few hours later, I treated myself out to a nice dinner to kind of celebrate that I realized I am recovering.
Halfway through, I look up and this man is sitting right there in my line of sight. I have not seen him for 14 years, and as far as I know, he lives in another city far from here. He looked different enough that it took me a few moments to place him. So, I was staring and he noticed. I know he saw me staring at him because he refused to look at me, just kept peeking askance. He was with what appeared to me his wife and child. Must be a new one, because that all was after I knew him.
Once I realized who he was, the whole thing just massively triggered me with a flood of memories. I was suddenly so angry. My jaw set and my eyes blazed at him. I realized maybe this should be an opportunity, because like it or not, I am trying to get back into my old work, and he would be a contact. So, I briefly thought about approaching him nicely and seeing what he was up to, and whether he might know of something for me. But then, I remembered all he did, it continued to come back to me. So, I decided, no, I am never letting him (or any of the other guys who treated me this way back in the day) do it again. Instead I gave him angry, bad looks while I calmly finished my dinner and savored my wine. I know he saw me because it seems he had to explain why this woman was looking at him in such a hostile manner to his wife/S.O. It was a little satisfying. It was also satisfying that after I left for the parking lot, I drove back by the restaurant entrance as I had seen he was also just finishing. He came out, happened to see me, and lit out of there like a bat out of you know where. So, I freaked him out, followed him a bit just for fun, to freak him out more. Among other things, he was on my turf. I want him to realize that. And don't come back!
I was proud that I did not succumb to the temptation to swallow it all, and try to make nice to try to get back into the good graces for a job tip. in my field, it can be a small world, so you need to maintain contacts and not burn brides. But, why on earth would I open myself up to more vulnerability from him? I am so done with letting people like that have any sway over my life! It felt good to realize my new strength. I don't want them, and I don't need them. I'm not going to take it any more.
I'm proud I ended the trigger with protective and righteous anger, and resisted the temptation to fall back into old patterns. I was on the lookout for these on a personal level, but not so much on a career level. What I've learned applies to both.
escapefor1
Sorry, *burn bridges.
WalkinBuffaloMan
It's always nice to turn the tables a little bit. You've done very well!
bellanomore
it just goes to show you are healing and not allowing others to treat you badly anymore is a huge step towards that. give yourself much earned credit. good job .
escapefor1
Thanks!
JohnnyFC
Triggers are always around the corner. Song on the radio, a billboard, the sight of sheet music, just something random can trigger me off. My brain starts burning with rage. What upsets me the most is that I was duped into believing someone was my soulmate. The P/S is in my rearview mirror and getting further and further away.
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