Victims of Psychopaths Community Group

Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.

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AaronSG 10/08/2014

I'm just curious to know what people's take is, in regards to warning someone you know about your ex sociopath? I have this person I know from my former online gaming group, which I quit 4 weeks ago, but this person recently found out that my sociopathic ex-fiance is now romantically available. I also have heard several rumors that my ex-fiance might have been thinking about hooking up with this guy during the final stages of our relationship, as if setting herself up with another mark or target or victim, before she was even out my door.

Should I allow this guy to get a hard advanced lesson in regards to what she is all about, on his own? Or should I fire a warning shot across his bow and give him a heads up about her? Just 2 months removed from our relationship and she's already got her next target in her sights, a pretty decent and we'll mannered guy, one that has no clue as to what awaits him. He'll think everything is flippy skippy at first, for the most part all will be normal, she'll offer him constant sex and conversations to hook him, then a couple months in, she'll change on him.

Then her controlling ways will surface, she will demand no alcohol in the house, due to her father's prior issues with the stuff, she'll start to try and control just how much his friends and family have access to him, she'll start back up finding ways to send his money to her parents, she'll start back up with her lies and deceptions and her boo hoo sobbing victimization story's, as to try and gain his sympathy and understanding, she'll slowly gravitate towards having total control of the money and budget, she'll start to look at the people in this guy's life as just tools to be used at her convenience, she will never offer up any apologies to this guy, even if she's ever proven to have done something wrong, she'll try and turn the tables by saying everything is everyone else's fault, she will not sympathize or empathize if something bad happens to this person, he'll have to deal with her 2nd grade drop out mentality, he'll have to eventually deal with her narcissistic Father and her battered wife syndrome sufferer of a mother, ect ect ect!

Should I warn or should I just keep my nose out of this and let him learn on his own?

AgentSmith 10/08/2014

I think most can attest that even if they were warned, they ignored it. So it's really up to you. You might want to do it just so you don't have a sense of guilt. Maybe your words will resonate with the guy when things start to come up in the relationship. I personally was warned by a previous victim of my first sociopath. She told me he was stalking her. I was very cordial with her but ended up believing his BS. Ultimately, he was convicted of stalking me and I have PTSD from it. These psychos are so convincing. Unless you have really hard proof of everything, they usually win over the victim. But it's ultimately up to you. There's also the chance that the guy will react negatively to what you say. I've had that happen to me before too when talking to another victim of my last sociopath. I thought we shared a common bond. She actually called me, all anxious to talk about her experience with him conning her. Then, as she started to relive everything, through me, she projected it all onto me and attacked me. I felt like I was dealing with another psycho the way she flipped from one extreme to another.

bettybean 10/08/2014

I've unfortunately have had a number of run ins with P's (having poor boundaries
makes for being a P magnet), and I have warned people several times about the P,
and each time they don't believe me and it puts a strain on our relationship. It's
usually like " maybe you couldn't handle him/her but I won't have any trouble since
I'm so much more mature, discerning, etc.

Each time the P bites them in the ass, as P's do. The best outcome was a friend saying
ruefully that he'd been had, and wished he listened to me. The other guy got pissed
when I wouldn't go to court with him and the last is still mesmerized with the P.

Each and every time warning someone either strained or outright ruined the relationship.
So it might be a good thing for your conscious and possibly for your friend, but beware
the possible negative outcome for you.

deleted_user 10/09/2014

I agree with bettybean. I was warned by the ex, even saw the nasty messages. I believed I could be better than her at handling him.

My suggestion is dropping casual hints, just to at least plan the seed of suspicion that there might be something wrong with this person.

What opened my eyes was actually something he said while bad mouthing that same ex. He was going on and on about how she called him names and told him he was worthless. He then said that she even called him a sociopath. I think he only said it to me not to give himself away but to get ahead of her and discredit her in case she mentioned it to me. He knew we talked

That put something in my brain, I began to do the research, and here I am.

eternity75 10/09/2014

I did everything possible to warn my socio's next victim. He's got her lined up for marriage and if things go as planned he'll likely marry her within the next couple weeks. I sent her evidence. Screenshots of chats between him and I where he declared his undying love, wanting to marry me, talking about our first child together etc. Chats between him and other women, including some he had while he was in a relationship with her. Articles outlining what a psychopath/sociopath is so she could identify it for herself. Of course he told her I am crazy and vengeful, and he looks like such a nice guy in the beginning that who could see all that and possibly believe it? Plus he's got his entire fan club to back that up. Most are completely oblivious to what and who he is despite being burned by him in the past. She believes none of it and is still so blinded by the rose colored glasses of love that it's a lost cause. She will have to learn the hard way. I can only hope that the information I provided her will be enough for her in retrospect to realize what she's dealing with once the mask begins to slip.

deleted_user 10/09/2014

From my experience? Just stay away from everyone. Anything, anyone or anybody related to him/her in any way.

deleted_user 10/09/2014

I've warned in the past, it never goes how you hope.

I always imagined I was doing a good thing, warning her next victim of the monster she truly was. In reality, I only made myself look like the crazy one, it gave her more ammo against me and made her seem like a victim.

As much as you want to warn people, you have to step away from the situation.

AaronSG 10/09/2014

I guess the right thing to do is just step back, leave this we'll enough alone and let my friend learn things on his own. It really pains me to know what's coming his way if things for them advance to the next level. And my ex-fiance, using my old online gaming group as a breeding or hunting ground to hook romantic interests. She'd already been through 2 group members before she landed me, this guy will be number 4, talk about making a reputation for herself inside the group, rumor has it that it's already going around how lose she is, and once again the other members behind her back are betting how long this one is going to last.

Well anyways, I'm backing away, and going to leave this one alone, she can be his problem now!

Thanks everyone for the advice!

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