Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
In 2007 I suffered a manic break from reality. I like to tell people it was a nervous breakdown. The psychiatrists would call it psychosis. I basically had enough of my relationship with my ex and I broke down.
What happened was so foreign that I turned to spirituality in a BIG way to try and figure out what the hell happened. Well I'm really good at it, one of the best in the area. I'm psychic, I can tell the future, I can see it in my vision, and I'm a gifted energy healer. I have heard angels sing and I have heard the spirit of someone that loves me from the other side whisper in my ear. It's all reassuring stuff.
It hasn't done much to bring my kids closer to me. Now I'm dealing with anger and staring to come to grips that my ex is a liar and when it comes to money she'll lie, when it comes to the kids, she'll alienate.
God hasn't come. The woman is my life after my ex didn't stick around for the fun stuff. The relationship with 3/4 of my kids doesn't seem to be getting better. "Time fixes everything". "This is a really good chance for you to experience the life you've always wanted". Well I want my kids in it. Is that too much to ask for?
So the question is - is it must a matter of learning to cope? They may come around next week (unlikely), next month (more likely), or 10 years from now (no idea).
I call "are you coming over this weekend? would you like to meet for lunch? how about we meet for fish and chips? would you like to get together for a drink?". Chronic agree and then break promises. When I tell them how important it is to keep their word I either get blamed, or I didn't hear properly. They are turning into their mother.
Is it just about learning to accept the situation. God is not going to change anything overnight. It will most likely take half their life for them to figure out that their dad was lied to and manipulated. Perhaps they won't figure out that that's an issue...
I want to hear from someone that is in a relationship with a sociopath narcissist that it gets easier. Acceptance comes, motivation returns, life becomes better, happier, more abundance. The need to listen to mantras, pray all the time, do affirmations diminishes over time. I'd like to hear that. Or, someone came into my life and was the perfect help. They understood exactly what I was going through and helped bring the kids around.
I guess I'm still holding on waiting for the magic answer.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
What happened was so foreign that I turned to spirituality in a BIG way to try and figure out what the hell happened. Well I'm really good at it, one of the best in the area. I'm psychic, I can tell the future, I can see it in my vision, and I'm a gifted energy healer. I have heard angels sing and I have heard the spirit of someone that loves me from the other side whisper in my ear. It's all reassuring stuff.
It hasn't done much to bring my kids closer to me. Now I'm dealing with anger and staring to come to grips that my ex is a liar and when it comes to money she'll lie, when it comes to the kids, she'll alienate.
God hasn't come. The woman is my life after my ex didn't stick around for the fun stuff. The relationship with 3/4 of my kids doesn't seem to be getting better. "Time fixes everything". "This is a really good chance for you to experience the life you've always wanted". Well I want my kids in it. Is that too much to ask for?
So the question is - is it must a matter of learning to cope? They may come around next week (unlikely), next month (more likely), or 10 years from now (no idea).
I call "are you coming over this weekend? would you like to meet for lunch? how about we meet for fish and chips? would you like to get together for a drink?". Chronic agree and then break promises. When I tell them how important it is to keep their word I either get blamed, or I didn't hear properly. They are turning into their mother.
Is it just about learning to accept the situation. God is not going to change anything overnight. It will most likely take half their life for them to figure out that their dad was lied to and manipulated. Perhaps they won't figure out that that's an issue...
I want to hear from someone that is in a relationship with a sociopath narcissist that it gets easier. Acceptance comes, motivation returns, life becomes better, happier, more abundance. The need to listen to mantras, pray all the time, do affirmations diminishes over time. I'd like to hear that. Or, someone came into my life and was the perfect help. They understood exactly what I was going through and helped bring the kids around.
I guess I'm still holding on waiting for the magic answer.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
The way I see it, if you are not coping, you are giving up completely...given what I've read about your situation, you are coping pretty well so far. It's never an easy road but it does get better.
I understand it must be really difficult to be rejected by your kids because of their mother, but I'm sure it will take them time to process everything themselves. Maybe they will eventually figure out the truth on their own, or maybe they will become just like her. It usually goes one of those 2 ways. I think you can keep the door open to them by letting them know you are there for them anytime and would love to see them sometime, but maybe just leave it open-ended without expectation. That way you are letting them know you still care without expectation or subsequent disappointment when they bail on you.
God is a totally different subject. I believe God leads us where we never thought we'd go...and sometimes it takes difficult situations to bring us better things later. Not to get all "religiousy" but the Bible says to pray with thanks...that means we pray, asking for what we need and being grateful for God working on it for us when things are too tough or we can't see how things will get better. When you pray in this way you are showing faith and trust in God that it will really work out. So many people today pray in a way that is begging, but the faith in a positive outcome or that God actually has our backs is something that is missing. We don't actually have a positive expectation in these instances. It's like saying thanks God for doing this, I know and trust that you will help me, instead of saying please please please fix this and then constantly sitting around saying why haven't you fixed it yet? Maybe that will help you. I find for me it gives me a sense of calm, and when I start to get anxious again later about it I just tell myself "God is working on it, be patient".
But life after a sociopath does return to normal eventually. A lot depends on how long you've been no contact with the ex socio, how much you work on your own issues (this group is a great start to hashing out all that stuff you've held in for way too long) etc. Don't get discouraged, don't give up. No one returns to normal right after the end of a relationship like this. But with some time and patience with yourself it will come.
My husband is a narcissist. We have reconciled, or rather we are living under the same roof again. When he was confessing his misdoings (only a few I'm sure), he admitted to telling the kids lies about me and tried to make them think I was horrible. Even though my kids love me, that kind of stuff says with kids. When I told my youngest I would do anything for him, he looked surprised. He said he used to think I was evil. There is a long list of lies and manipulations my husband used to turn them against me. Of all of the horrible-horrible things he has ever done to me, messing with a mother child bond was the worst. My relationship is still improving with the kids, partly because he confessed to them that he had lied about me and tried to make me the "bad" parent. Lots I could say, but I will save it for later if you are interested. The good news is things are improving.
When we first separated, I read an article that said you should never talk poorly of your ex or it will backfire on you. I did this except when we were having family therapy sometimes negative things would come up, but I didn't talk about him behind his back even though he is evil.
I think if you stay positive and prayerful that your girls will hopefully have the desire to develop a bond. I've found "funny" when I was your age stories or son when you were an infant you did the coolest thing... My kids like to hear my old stories. I don't know it could just be my kids.
It sounds like you are headed in the right direction. Keep praying.
I wish we lived closer, I could use some energy healing. I don't know how that works, but if you can send it at a distance, I'd like some. I'm afraid of my future, but if you ever see a cure for MS in the future please message me. I would have options without MS.
Good luck with your kids!
I helped a friend with some anger issues on the weekend. I drummed, did some prayer work, helped him with some forgiveness work, and then journeyed. It felt great afterwards. The best part was after our journey he invited me to a fast food restaurant for something to eat. It was the same restaurant that my step-son works for and I haven't seen him for 2 years. I get the feeling that we've been manipulated against each other but seeing him was a real gift. We got a chance to talk. I could see the love in his eyes and he was happy to see me. I also realized that I had become quite defensive in my assumptions - "he doesn't like me, he thinks I've a bad dad, etc".
Anyways that was a real gift.
Tonight I was talking to the same friend I helped and was discussing a person at work that is abusive and controlling, etc. He reminds me of my ex-father in law. I'm at a stage where I have started to look at my coworkers and my relationship and when anger comes up use tools to diffuse it. One simple tool is to walk away. This approach works in many situations but with him he continues to be abusive and look for different ways to suck me back into the conversation, like he is doing my a favour by continuing to bother me. Tonight in the car I realized that this is what my ex has had to go through her entire life. Instead of having a father that was interested in building relationships she had a father that was interested in control. I got a chance to understand her better. It is also what I have asked for it prayer.
If you'd like to experience some energy healing feel free to msg me privately and we can arrange something.
Thank you.