Victims of Psychopaths Community Group

Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.

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sparkstrong 04/18/2015

I'm working towards getting the courts to change their attitude towards victims of ASPD (Anti-social personality disorder). I watched a politician say that we should arm abused women with guns. I'll just let you see the comments. The "YOU" is the politician later quoted as Jim Lucas. I will also post the url link to the article Mr. Craig speaks of.

Timme Craig: I'm really near my breaking point with the dumb agenda that the Indiana General Assembly is spewing.

YOU (paraphrase): "If women don't want to be abused...they need to buy a gun."

ME: "Or we could actually address the problem of domestic violence in an appropriate way, as well as remembering that the presence of a gun increases the risk of homicide 5-fold in domestic violence situations."

The level of stupidity in the Indiana Republican Party in the year 2015 is rivaled by no other.
Yesterday at 3:30pm · Edited · Like

Timme Craig: Perhaps try these ideas and support funding them, rather than your ill-advised gun plan: http://www.newrepublic.com/.../how-stop-domestic-violence.

http://www.newrepublic.com/article/119436/how-stop-domestic-violence-experts-offer-5-steps-policymakers
We Need To Do More Than Just Talk About Domestic Violence
It's time to do something. Here are five ideas that could...

NEWREPUBLIC.COM
Yesterday at 3:34pm · Like

Chuck Waggoner: That would be a full day!
22 hrs · Like

Jim Lucas: Timme Craig, you can bankrupt society doing everything for everyone, but when all else fails; treatment, counseling, restraining orders, etc., a firearm is STILL the best means of self-defense.
Making good people helpless will not make bad people harmless.
22 hrs · Like · 7

Joe Kelly: Domestic violence will never go away, no matter how much money you try and throw at it. Restraining orders do not work either, its just a piece of paper, and you think someone is scared of paper. But its easy for someone to post ideas they find on the internet.
13 hrs · Like

MeLinda Porter: Owning a gun and going through the training is an extremely empowering experience. It helps to renew and awaken your strength and confidence. Giving you the strength to get out of a dangerous relationship.

This is the url address link, but I can't get it to paste so you can just click on it and go straight through.

http://www.newrepublic.com/article/119436/how-stop-domestic-violence-experts-offer-5-steps-policymakers?hc_location=ufi Hopefully you might be able to find it.

What are your thoughts on having a gun to protect yourself vs. changing court policies and attitudes? We don't go into a relationship knowing, or even having a gun. 20/20 hindsight, my daughter wishes she could have shot the N. At least she and her children wouldn't be going through what they're going through now--triggers and meltdowns. On the upside, he is still around, but she has remarried; a gentleman who dearly loves her and her daughter.

LiveInTruth 04/18/2015

I actually debated this myself. The P that I was engaged to is a dangerous man. When I was contacted my the next woman and was tossed back into his world, I became very anxious and scared. She confirmed to me the rage that he felt toward me for having his ass arrested and deported. I learned that he continued his criminal activity and became even more violent. I was having nightmares daily and my skin was crawling. I went through this debate and even shopped for a gun. I am not anti-gun and have used them on several occasions at the gun range. Ultimately, I decided to protect myself in alternate ways. Police on contact list, bought a really loud "foghorn" that can be heard clearly up to 1/2 mile away, installed new flood lights that stay on all night, repaired all window locks etc. I decided that the chances on my son finding the gun and having an accident is much greater than my exP showing up on my doorstep from 2000 miles away. I keep track of his whereabouts periodically to make sure he is still there and not here and that is enough to make me feel more secure. I know the initial fears I had were a PTSD reaction and I was feeling better once I took some safety measures and used logic to assess rather than emotion. If I did not have a child in the house I probably would be a gun owner. The thing is though, in order to use a gun for home or personal safety, you must have the weapon within reach and loaded. If it is locked in a gun case without ammo nearby then what is the point? I would never forgive myself if my child hurt himself or another person due to my fears. If my life was in deep danger though.....I would be revisiting this. I don't think we are going to get very far changing court policies and attitudes. People are people....and if the crazies are intent on harming a person then the only one that may be able to stop that is the victim. And one more thing, if your daughter had shot him....who is to say that her children would not be motherless as well due to her being sent to prison.

AgentSmith 04/18/2015

Well there's not really any other way to protect yourself from criminals (of all sorts, not just abusers and psychopaths). Criminals commit crime. They're not gonna stop doing that. Ever. No matter what the court tells them to do, no matter if you have a piece of paper, no matter if you call the cops 100x. None of that is going to stop a psychopath.

Mine was convicted of stalking me, ordered to stay away, and pulled up and parked next to me as I walked down the sidewalk on my way to work 2 wks after his conviction, got out of his car and stared at me as I passed. Then continued to stalk me and my neighborhood for many years afterward, until he died. He was a convicted felon and registered sex offender and had illegally purchased a gun (1st deg felony, nothing was done about it) while stalking me. You're never gonna stop a criminal from getting a gun. So why not have one to protect yourself?

Just don't be stupid about it. Take classes, get familiar with it, learn how to use it, get comfortable with it, etc.

There are stories every single day (not in mainstream media of course) about the people who have saved their own life or somebody else's because they had a gun. This happens thousands of times a day, way more than people being killed with guns. Yet, since it's not part of the media's agenda, you rarely catch a glimpse of those stories.

I've been stalked by one sociopath, raped by another, and live next to another who is violent and has harassed me for many years. I do have guns. And now I have a ginormous 160 lb dog. At this point I don't even feel like I'd need the gun because nobody is getting through the dog. But it's my backup plan.

AgentSmith 04/18/2015

Also, I'll touch on what LiveInTruth said. There is no point in having a gun if it is locked away. I do not have kids and I live alone. So that made the decision pretty obvious. Before getting the dog, I had the gun strapped to the side of my bed, loaded, safety off, ready to go if any of these nutjobs came through my bedroom door at night.

For awhile I also had a motion sensor alarm at the bottom of my staircase. I also have surveillance cams.

sparkstrong 04/18/2015

I asked her, even if she felt threatened and her daughter feels fear of seeing her father, if she had shot her husband, would it someday come back to haunt her, that she had killed her father. As it is, the courts are a crapshoot anyway. What if she went to jail? Could she be sure that his narcissist mom might fight to get custody of her child, even though she felt in her heart that she should be raised by me. I still say it's all a crapshoot. You guys are possibly armed now because of the experiences you've been through. Most young brides, or girlfriends, (even guys) don't go into marriages knowing these people have these negative qualities. You don't carry a gun into the relationship. If he even has an inkling of a gal having one, he may work hard to 'disarm' her, literally. I don't know, but I do know I'd like to work on the judicial system to protect the aftermath of court for women/men. Not all relationship are physically abusive. Some are financial scams. Keep the comments coming. I appreciate them.

waitingwife 04/19/2015

This is a very interesting topic in which there is no black or white about it.

I did go through a short (thank God) phase in which I was in almost 24/7 planning to defend myself mode. Not from my husband but his girlfriend. He had led me to believe she was threatening me and I was just waiting for her. She had previously used broken glass to destroy the faces on all my family heirloom photos, and a friend told me my face would be next (nice), plus she tried physically assaulting me once , so I had no doubt she could be potentially capable of mortally harming me. I was never worried except at night when the lights went out. I live alone with my two small children. I too have two dogs which she could never get by without them giving a loud and ferocious warning. Dogs can not be at all discounted as a security measure.

Now where I live guns are not a problem. I was not going to have to worry about being shot or having to use a gun. So this made me have to think out of the box for security. And like some of you have mentioned before in order to protect yourself with a gun, you must have it in hand a the time of need otherwise you're rendered literally unprotected. For this reason it is wise even if you do own a gun and know how to use it , to have back up and alternative defense strategies in place and to consider taking some sort of physical defense training. Being physically trained to defend ones self gives and enormous sense of empowerment. I am a fencer, and keep my sword next to my bed. It won't defend me against a gun but I welcome anything else. Also I have looked around in each room I typically spend my time in and I choose what in that room could I use as a weapon and I can grab quickly. I would visualize getting attacked and play out in my mind how I would handle it.
Also I decided if the threat felt imminent enough I would keep a bucket of clorox or some blinding chemical solution next to my bed that can be quickly thrown in a perpetrator's face. There are many DIY solutions to defense.
Now after I had all my defenses in place I thought, uh oh , what if she is a house burner. So I made a plan if she were to throw gasoline around the outside of the house or if she came inside and threw it. I made a plan for each of those scenarios.
The point is defense comes in many ways. To own and be trained in gun defense is always there. It's not a 100% defense measure nor is it a measure everyone is comfortable with. It's always good to have alternative methods.

sparkstrong 04/19/2015

Great ideas. Waitingwife! My daughter carries mace, but I'm not aware of anything else. When I'm reading the local politician say that through changes other than giving women a gun, we are creating a helpless class of people. I don't believe that to be the case. The articles give 5 suggestions for change. Not all offenses are physical abuse. Some are mental. Many are financial, leaving families and others in dire straits. It's those people who also need a fair means to fight in the aftermath. We truly have to change the education system on up to get the judicial system on board. I watched "48 Hours" last night, unbelieving that a woman could stand by her man, with all the signs, and take care of his future, even in her death (by him) until someone came to their senses 16 years later. Courts need to understand the minds of these "monsters."

waitingwife 04/19/2015

Well that's sort of the situation I'm trying to get out of. I am financially dependent on my husband. He holds the children's passports and all of their documents. Kind of stuck. My mother just told me she didn't think my dad will live beyond a year. My husband is scared to death we are going to do a runner. And now I somehow have to perform the miraculous task of somehow getting him to allow us to leave to be with my father before he passes.

sparkstrong 04/19/2015

So sad to hear this, Waiting wife. I hope you can pull off that miracle. For those checking out the post, check for a continuation on a new post. One of these guys is a moron.

sparkstrong 04/23/2015

This is an actual quote by the admin of the "Justice for Reeva Steenkamp; Exposing Narcissist Abuse.

"The chances the gun is used for self-defense are very slim. Besides most guns are used for suicide statistically. I will tell you that even before I knew about narcissism, I never trusted a sharp knife in my house or any gun, because I feared the(a) perpetrator in a moment of anger could get their hands on it and I'd be in lethal danger."

There is no doubt there is a need for protection, but these government guys better be prepared to fund proper fire arms courses, and be willing to back it up with "Get of of jail free" cards. I hope they realize the job they have ahead, making decisions about who should have guns, and who shouldn't. A clever narcissist, even knowing the woman has the gun may be able to easily disarm her, and, without conscience, turn it back on her. Those who didn't believe what had been happening to her, may now continue to believe her assailant as he spins another tale of his being the victim. We need someone to believe these women in the first place and support better programs. Still not opposed to the guns, just the carte blanche partnering of guns with all victims of DV.

AgentSmith 04/23/2015

That "statistic" is absolutely false. I would urge you to do more research on REAL gun statistics, and not the media/liberal agenda's version. It's something I've spent a lot of time researching and I can tell you the shit you hear in mainstream media is absolute bullshit. If you want to kill yourself, a rope is a far better choice.

Guns are used around 3000 times per day in self defense (that's WAY more than they are used in crimes or suicide). It's a statistic you rarely hear about because most go unnoticed, as the issue was resolved before anything bad happened (i.e., just showing the gun stopped the crime and no violence took place). Even the ones where the bad guy is shot by the good guy barely make the news. But there are websites out there that report those statistics and stories. Guns have existed for hundreds of years and it hasn't been a big deal. The issue now is the overpopulation of crazy people. And you're never gonna stop a criminal from having a gun, it's simply not possible. It's a proven fact that areas with high gun restrictions have higher crime because only the criminals have guns.

As far as the bad guy getting the gun, that's why you take classes. You need to know how to use the firearm and be willing to do so. There really is nothing the criminal justice system can do to keep these people away from you. And there's nothing that can be done to keep them away from guns (2 of my exes, felons, had guns illegally). And it's not the govt's job to fund firearms classes or have any business in firearms whatsoever. It's the natural right of anyone to protect themselves and to have the means to do so. If you want to buy a gun, it's your choice. If you want to take classes and own one responsibility, it's your responsibility. If you don't want a gun, and you want to take your chances with another weapon, that's your choice too. If you want to take a self defense class instead, do so. But all those things require closer range to the criminal.

I've been the victim of a lot of abuse, and I've been a victim of the legal system. I don't see any other way to truly protect yourself from the lunatics out there.

sparkstrong 04/23/2015

Is this where I say "Don't shoot the messenger"? I'm not sure which statistic you're referring to, unless it's the admin from the Reeva Steenkamp support group. Refresh my memory. I have no doubt you're correct about a gun being the best defense from someone being attacked. I welcome anyone's input, because it helps me see things from different perspectives. I am looking for universal change in the judicial system's attitude. All measures of improvement can exist.

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