Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
ALERT: This is NOT a political discussion. I just had an epiphany, small one, but maybe not so small. Feel free to tell me if I'm wrong. For those who think that having a gun and taking fire arms classes is a sure-fire and the best weapon against an abuser, they've never met a narcissist abuser. These are the type that brow beat you and talk you back into the relationship. If they have no conscience, they will first, use your love and their power to talk you out of shooting them, and two, have no conscience or love, and turn the gun back on you, and your story will never be told. They will formulate the biggest set of lies to turn themselves into the victim. Pathetic, but true. Enlighten me. I was the victim of a sociopath. I believe anything could have happened.
I really only want to change the judicial attitude and treatment of victims in the aftermath of leaving their situations. This next comments are from one of the responders to the post earlier about providing women with guns. I tried to tell him there were different types of victims and different situations, providing him with articles from Karen Anderson's site Love Fraud. The following was his response.
"Cecilia , you say "what's making them more helpless is stacking the deck against them in court is the idea we must give everyone a level playing field in court, with their day in court". Exactly what do you support? Women just being able to charge men with a crime and not have it questioned? Really? You don't feel everyone deserves a level playing field in court? I love how women want to disown all their poor decision making and then want other people's rights and due process removed to sympathize with them. The problem with domestic violence isn't the laws. It's the decision making abilities of women. You all claim that women keep going back , and going back. I have an idea. STOP GOING BACK! Stop making stupid choices and staying with abusive men. Don't blame the laws or the courts when it's women who refuse to make good decisions and utilize the laws we already have and be independent. Carrying a firearm is the ONLY way to protect yourselves from anyone who wishes to do you harm. No police officer, court, or lawyer can help you when somebody has their hands around your throat choking you or has you cornered in a home. No law can be passed to change that. It's a simple fact of life. Women need to stop picking losers and learn to leave when they see they've made a wrong choice. They also need to defend themselves against ANYONE in society who wishes to harm them. Stop being victims and wanting to remove the rights of others with pleas for sympathy. There are plenty of evil women out there that abuse the laws we currently have and abuse men with the legal system which is stacked in favor of women in this state already."
"Omg, I just read that link. The basis of that doesn't have anything to do with domestic violence. It's just stupid people falling for other people's games. This is why you should really get to know somebody before you rush in to anything more than dating. Just because you fell for some slobs game doesn't require changes to the Law to protect you from doing it again. Whether or not it's a psychopath playing a game or just normal people having a relationship things are ALWAYS different in the beginning. Everything is new and people are trying to impress the other. It takes time for that New to wear off and really get to know somebody else in a personal level. Simply saying "He chose me" may make you feel better like you had no choice in the matter but that's nothing but lying to yourself and showing it's possible to happen again. You made choices too and you chose him. The truth is you chose him before you had made sure who he really was. You bought an expensive lesson and the courts can't fix that for you. Hopefully you learn from it and wiser choices in the future. I know I did. I have a wonderful woman now with a beautiful 3yo daughter and even though we have disagreements and make each other angry from time to time we both know full well that we are working for a common goal and we are both deviated to each other and achieving that goal which is raising our daughter to be a good person and growing old together. I refuse to waste my life living in the past and advocating to pass laws in some lame attempt at making other people make better decisions. I'm living for the future and own my past mistakes. My ex wife will get her punishment when her family has to hire pall bearers and just sits in judgement before God."
Your thoughts?
I really only want to change the judicial attitude and treatment of victims in the aftermath of leaving their situations. This next comments are from one of the responders to the post earlier about providing women with guns. I tried to tell him there were different types of victims and different situations, providing him with articles from Karen Anderson's site Love Fraud. The following was his response.
"Cecilia , you say "what's making them more helpless is stacking the deck against them in court is the idea we must give everyone a level playing field in court, with their day in court". Exactly what do you support? Women just being able to charge men with a crime and not have it questioned? Really? You don't feel everyone deserves a level playing field in court? I love how women want to disown all their poor decision making and then want other people's rights and due process removed to sympathize with them. The problem with domestic violence isn't the laws. It's the decision making abilities of women. You all claim that women keep going back , and going back. I have an idea. STOP GOING BACK! Stop making stupid choices and staying with abusive men. Don't blame the laws or the courts when it's women who refuse to make good decisions and utilize the laws we already have and be independent. Carrying a firearm is the ONLY way to protect yourselves from anyone who wishes to do you harm. No police officer, court, or lawyer can help you when somebody has their hands around your throat choking you or has you cornered in a home. No law can be passed to change that. It's a simple fact of life. Women need to stop picking losers and learn to leave when they see they've made a wrong choice. They also need to defend themselves against ANYONE in society who wishes to harm them. Stop being victims and wanting to remove the rights of others with pleas for sympathy. There are plenty of evil women out there that abuse the laws we currently have and abuse men with the legal system which is stacked in favor of women in this state already."
"Omg, I just read that link. The basis of that doesn't have anything to do with domestic violence. It's just stupid people falling for other people's games. This is why you should really get to know somebody before you rush in to anything more than dating. Just because you fell for some slobs game doesn't require changes to the Law to protect you from doing it again. Whether or not it's a psychopath playing a game or just normal people having a relationship things are ALWAYS different in the beginning. Everything is new and people are trying to impress the other. It takes time for that New to wear off and really get to know somebody else in a personal level. Simply saying "He chose me" may make you feel better like you had no choice in the matter but that's nothing but lying to yourself and showing it's possible to happen again. You made choices too and you chose him. The truth is you chose him before you had made sure who he really was. You bought an expensive lesson and the courts can't fix that for you. Hopefully you learn from it and wiser choices in the future. I know I did. I have a wonderful woman now with a beautiful 3yo daughter and even though we have disagreements and make each other angry from time to time we both know full well that we are working for a common goal and we are both deviated to each other and achieving that goal which is raising our daughter to be a good person and growing old together. I refuse to waste my life living in the past and advocating to pass laws in some lame attempt at making other people make better decisions. I'm living for the future and own my past mistakes. My ex wife will get her punishment when her family has to hire pall bearers and just sits in judgement before God."
Your thoughts?
I believe that anyone who is intelligent and sane should have the right to learn how to shoot a gun and practice often. It is a skill and each gun/rifle requires training.
As for the comment about dating - I have made bad choices and I see myself in the post. I did go back once or twice with more than one I knew was not right. After my divorce, I moved to another state, found a marvelous job, started going to college at night and joined a ski club. The activity really made all the difference in straightening my thinking process because I was lost at first. Not having time to pity myself or go over the past, kept me healthy in body and mind. My ex had an affair and in Delaware, the Judge could have cared less even though we had a 6 yr old and new baby. (No fault)
I get that you want to change the system. Everyone does. But the chances of that happening are extremely slim. So the only thing you can really do is protect yourself. Even those who are convicted of abuse usually only go to jail for a short time. So the justice system is not going to be able to help. The ones that are sentenced to DV/anger management classes very rarely change. So I'm not really sure what you want the legal system to do to protect you from an abuser? There's just not much that can be done. Prisons are overcrowded, there's nowhere to put all these people. We have to do our best to protect ourselves.
Part of recovering from abusers is to learn about what boundaries need to be put in place to protect yourself. These are different in every case. Here are some common options:
-Move
-Go no contact
-Block all communication methods
-Buy a gun
-Take self defense classes
-Get a protective dog
-Install surveillance/alarm cameras/system
-Get a healthy support system
etc.
As for the victim blamer, I'm not sure where that was done but I'd suggest not going there. I try to avoid victim blamers whenever possible. They don't get it. They're clueless. Look at all the people who support Bill Cosby. They're everywhere. People live in their own delusional little fantasy world. As long as they continue to believe that these horrible atrocities can't happen to them, they feel safe. And in order to believe that, they blame the victim.
Many of the 'stupid women' on the other hand were not born and raised to fight on the front lines, prepared with mental toughness to combat the psychopath. They are not professionals at it.
I sometimes even question when women are labeled as co-dependent etc if they are in a relationship with one of these mentally disordered people.
Is it never possible that a woman has been raised with empathy, care , nurturing etc? Myself I had never had a life experience before I met my current husband at the age of 35 where I was scammed or manipulated. Why should I brag about having mental toughness against such people. I would prefer to brag about the fact that I had a good life, was raised with good values and was around a lot of good people. One of the reasons women may be more "stupid' than men is because they are naturally more nurturing. They will spend more time trying to fix the problems. Yes there are definitely plenty of women who stay and take abuse when it is clearly abuse, but for others it's a long road or processing, trying to understand and then trying to solve it before abandoning ship. And that is due to the love that brought them into the relationship in the first place. It's damned if we do and damned if we don't type of thinking. And I'm willing to bet as well for every one woman that doesn't jump ship at the first red flag, there are probably 99 others that will , leaving behind and destroying a perfectly good family that could have easily been saved with a little patience and help.
The term 'stupid'? This term is far overused and abused in America. It is an abuse in itself.
Also, remember that the majority of people in the legal system are psychopaths themselves. Any position of power draws psychopaths. So the likelihood of them wanting to change their own ways is pretty slim.