Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
Hi all
I wanted to ask any of you that have been to therapy or are currently in therapy if you have experienced this? I went to my first session in spring of 2014 in Kuwait with an American therapist. At that time my husband separated from me and I was sure he was having an emotional affair. I got a bad vibe from that therapist and she was overpriced so I didn't return to her.
Summer of 2014 I saw one in the States 3x. She wasn't very helpful Didn't tell me anything I didn't already know.
Fall of 2014 I started seeing a Kuwaiti/American therapist in Kuwait weekly. She too didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. Basically it just seemed like she was a listener to my venting. She left back to the States.
Spring of 2015 I moved to the center where my husband started therapy. I started seeing a Canadian therapist. initially I thought she was going to be good but then I noticed she too was just basically listening, and encouraging me to do something kind for myself each week. (Yeah that felt like applying a bandaid to an amputation.)
My husband and I then had our first session together at the same center with an Irish (male, older) therapist. My husband dropped out at the second session and I stayed on.
Here is where I would like some feedback.Now finally I am continuing on with this Irish therapist who got some insight into my husband which felt like some incredible relief for me. On the third session with him (w/o husband) he threw me for a loop. He told me that everything in my notes (gathered from his own and my other therapist) is about my husband. Nothing about me. He wanted to turn the focus onto me. He wants to find out who I am and why I'm in this position. In a very short time with me he gathered I am full of sorrow and that I have abandonment issues. I was shocked because I thought I had a fantastic childhood and great parents that if anything gave me too much security. I was so surprised within the hour he got out of me that as a baby I was left to 'cry it out' (as that was the practice of the 60's, yay! for Dr. Spock ugh), and that my parents did not facilitate me getting a good education very well blah blah blah. In short, some stuff came out that made me realize yeah maybe I did have a lot of stresses and insecurities that I wasn't at all aware of. But then I said to him, 'doesn't everyone?', 'Haven't all parents made mistakes with their kids despite their best intentions'? He replied 'not necessarily' Ok that really threw me.
Now my point is, even though I am not only willing, but happy to go down this road of self discovery, I at the same time have this voice inside my head saying, "WAIT A MINUTE, THIS MAN AND HIS PSYCHOBITCH HAVE HURT ME IMMENSELY, AND I'M SORT OF IN A CRISIS HERE OVER THAT"
Have any of you had your therapist pull you away from the primary issue of your pain and focused on who you are? Where is it going to go/lead? And when and where does this pain go? Sometimes I believe when I don't think about the pain I am suppressing it and it's going to come out with a vengeance.I was learning about forgiveness and feeling like I was getting there when my husband showed he was coming back to me, but after I decided I needed space from him and he decided he also wanted space from me and is still continuing with 'the situation' as he calls her, my steps towards forgiveness completely flew out the window, which indicates I was nowhere near there in the first place.
Any thoughts?
I wanted to ask any of you that have been to therapy or are currently in therapy if you have experienced this? I went to my first session in spring of 2014 in Kuwait with an American therapist. At that time my husband separated from me and I was sure he was having an emotional affair. I got a bad vibe from that therapist and she was overpriced so I didn't return to her.
Summer of 2014 I saw one in the States 3x. She wasn't very helpful Didn't tell me anything I didn't already know.
Fall of 2014 I started seeing a Kuwaiti/American therapist in Kuwait weekly. She too didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. Basically it just seemed like she was a listener to my venting. She left back to the States.
Spring of 2015 I moved to the center where my husband started therapy. I started seeing a Canadian therapist. initially I thought she was going to be good but then I noticed she too was just basically listening, and encouraging me to do something kind for myself each week. (Yeah that felt like applying a bandaid to an amputation.)
My husband and I then had our first session together at the same center with an Irish (male, older) therapist. My husband dropped out at the second session and I stayed on.
Here is where I would like some feedback.Now finally I am continuing on with this Irish therapist who got some insight into my husband which felt like some incredible relief for me. On the third session with him (w/o husband) he threw me for a loop. He told me that everything in my notes (gathered from his own and my other therapist) is about my husband. Nothing about me. He wanted to turn the focus onto me. He wants to find out who I am and why I'm in this position. In a very short time with me he gathered I am full of sorrow and that I have abandonment issues. I was shocked because I thought I had a fantastic childhood and great parents that if anything gave me too much security. I was so surprised within the hour he got out of me that as a baby I was left to 'cry it out' (as that was the practice of the 60's, yay! for Dr. Spock ugh), and that my parents did not facilitate me getting a good education very well blah blah blah. In short, some stuff came out that made me realize yeah maybe I did have a lot of stresses and insecurities that I wasn't at all aware of. But then I said to him, 'doesn't everyone?', 'Haven't all parents made mistakes with their kids despite their best intentions'? He replied 'not necessarily' Ok that really threw me.
Now my point is, even though I am not only willing, but happy to go down this road of self discovery, I at the same time have this voice inside my head saying, "WAIT A MINUTE, THIS MAN AND HIS PSYCHOBITCH HAVE HURT ME IMMENSELY, AND I'M SORT OF IN A CRISIS HERE OVER THAT"
Have any of you had your therapist pull you away from the primary issue of your pain and focused on who you are? Where is it going to go/lead? And when and where does this pain go? Sometimes I believe when I don't think about the pain I am suppressing it and it's going to come out with a vengeance.I was learning about forgiveness and feeling like I was getting there when my husband showed he was coming back to me, but after I decided I needed space from him and he decided he also wanted space from me and is still continuing with 'the situation' as he calls her, my steps towards forgiveness completely flew out the window, which indicates I was nowhere near there in the first place.
Any thoughts?
Because the truth of the matter is, a healthy person would walk away as soon as they saw red flags. A psychopath is not really going to target a healthy person to begin with. They are looking for easy prey. So you have to figure out what made you such an easy target, so that you can change that and not end up in the same situation again and again in life, as many of us have.
I'm just now, after 8 years of intense work on myself, finally figuring out what it was about me that these people targeted and why I was not able to get out quick enough, and why I didn't pick up on things fast enough.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xsVM_gd0Tc
Agentsmith My husband is not the psychopath, his affair partner he can not walk away from is. But still and though, yes these same questions do have to be directed at me to some extent.
But I don't know if I agree with if 'healthy' is the right term to apply to someone who doesn't walk away from a 20 year relationship with two children and husband that prior to this year and a half's behavior was a good and loving husband. I see myself as someone who never leaves any rocks unturned, someone who never gives up hope, and exhausts all means before giving up. So I know that's what i've been doing for the last year and a half. NOW , yes I'm kind of residing to some truths but that's not without a lot of investigating into his behaviors, reading, figuring out myself, trying to understand the girlfriend etc. I don't like to think that is an unhealthy person. I don't know, but I will embrace the journey my therapist takes me on, I at least believe a therapist is finally actually doing something.