The Water Torturer Abuser:

•Proves that anger doesn’t cause abuse, this type of abuser can assault his partner without ever even raising his voice.
•He tends to stay cool and collected during arguments as a weapon to push his partner over the edge.
•Uses tools like sarcasm, mockery, even resorting to laughing at her or what she says or making cruel, cutting remarks
•Relentless in his quiet derision and meanness

When dating a “Water Torturer,” you tend to do one of two things: either you become frustrated to the point of furiousness, or you begin to feel completely stupid and inferior. You might end up doing things like screaming and yelling because you become so frustrated, storming out of the room, or sinking into silence, leading your partner to make it seem like you are the abusive or crazy one. He might say things to you like

“You’re the one screaming and yelling, I’m just talking calmly: you’re the one that is abusive to me. You are impossible to talk to. I didn’t even raise my voice, and look at you!”
This type of abuse can be incredibly damaging and can do serious harm to your personal mentality. You feel like you are going crazy or that you are enraged but have no idea really why. You have a hard time reaching out to other people because you don’t even know how to explain what is going on. He seems to know exactly how to get under your skin, and he can even make other people take his side in believing that you are the crazy one and that he just somehow puts up with you.
•Leads other people to believe that they are nice and even-tempered, and you are the one that is crazy, unpredictable and has a bad temper.
•Can be incredibly cruel, all the while maintaining a calm mentality. He plays up the idea that as long as he is calm, nothing he does or says can be seen as abusive.
•Knows exactly how to get under your skin.
•Leads you to believe that you fly off the handle or overreact to things that aren’t really that bad.
It can take years to figure out what is happening, if you are a victim of this type of abuse, and if you finally leave him, you may experience intense periods of delayed rage as you realize just how abusive and destructive he was.

(i cheated)

Maybe it is time to leave

ive never heard it called that but sounds pretty close to how they treat you after the love bombing stage. and towards the end.

Very good description, WithConscience. It fits mine to a t.The traps he laid for me so intricately clever and cruel. His sadistic joy upon springing them is almost too much to bear recalling. I went through this years ago with another Water Torturer, however, and there is something I know that gives me pleasure: When this monster's victim escapes, it feels like death to him. It's like the Wicked Witch of the West being doused with water. I recall, an evening years ago when my ex-husband was visiting at my apt, regarding a practical matter. He baited me, then got up and ran for my back door. I followed him into the kitchen, slammed the door so hard it almost did hit him in the ass, then locked and chain-locked the door. When he called me from his truck, I didn't answer. I sat down and went, "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh...I've been wanting to do that for years." Over the years following, I watched that ex fall into the gutter. About 2 years ago, he actually apologized for the hell he had put me through. By this time, he was a broken man. It does something to them, when a victim gets away.

yea they will do almost anything to get you back so they can be the one to discard you. they don't like it when you leave them first that's for sure, the go nuts. must dent there ego.

maybe that is why I am still in hell. :( I even tried to give him the illusion it was him who left. clearly that didnt work.

Nice research WithConscience! Describes my last one to a T. Except that I never raised my voice. I just laughed at him and told him he's projecting, or that he was lying, or that he was paranoid, or whatever he was doing or saying to try to make me mad. That made him even madder. So then it was HIM screaming and raging. At which point I would either walk away or hang up the phone.

Last thing I told him was he should put his socks on his hands and lie to them and about them rather than to me and about me. But you know what? He's gone for now, but he'll be back. Because he is that much of an idiot. And I will keep slamming his ego every time he comes back, to make him go away again.

When I think of a "water torturer" man I think of quiet emotional abuse. There are
so many examples.
Denying making an agreement, calling you a bitch or crazy when you object
Lying about the past, completely fabricating details to make you look crazy
Silent treatment when you don't comply with every little thing
Yawning, rolling eyes, smirking, looking away when you're talking
Laughing condescendingly when you talk about something you're excited about
When you object to the above treatment, telling you you're too sensitive, imagining
things or are crazy.


Drip by drip they wear us down. Like contaminated corrosive water.

OMG...sounds EXACTLY like life with my ex....thank you withconscience for educating me on the subject. NO wonder most of us have PTSD....:(