Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
He hurt me. He lied to me. He abused me mentally for years. He tricked me. He made me think I was a bad person. He really screwed me up. I said it. I don't know how to grieve or forget it. It's been 5 months since he just dropped me like shit without one word. I still stare at my phone all day waiting for him to contact me. I need to let go. I need to accept that I'll never have the opportunity to tell him I know who he is. I know that he never felt anything but need from me. That he tried to manipulate me for years and none of anything he ever said was real. I don't need to him know he hurt me, that he's a loser etc. I need him to know that I know he's a fraud, a joke, a clown. I want to laugh at him openly about his relationship with the OW. I want him to know she told me all the intimate details of their life. I want to know how sick and pathetic I think they both are. I want him to know he gave me an amazing child. I Want him to know that he is sick to leave that child fatherless. How do I tell him these things? How do I get out of my system so that I can stop waiting for him to contact me so I can tell him.
That day will come. I waited 4 years to tell him, but I didn't do it right and he could still hurt me.
I was not protected. He was.
You are working on yourself now so that when that day comes you will already have the power because you have moved on and he doesn't hold that space in your heart.
I once wrote you about psychopaths creating similar situations with different women with no closure so they can be the center of things. It might not be just the two of you. And if he is not triangulating with you then someone else will come. That's predatory , egocentric thinking. You removed yourself from his circle of women / supporters and did what you wanted to do and thought it was best. Celebrate it .Don't beat yourself up.
On our first date he was speaking to the mother of his child on the phone. His ex girlfriend was still in his mind and he talked about her as well ( that's still on our first date).
You deserve to be somebody's one. Some people play like that because their ego is allowing them to be one of many. But you don't have to join them.
As for your story about wanting to contact him, I believe one day you too will be strong and will only want what is best for yourself.
I have seen victims confronting their abusers but they did it in a safe way, with supporters around, in a way that they knew will not cause greater damage.
If the psychopath sees people as objects then he thinks in terms of loss and gain, utility. That's why when it ends a lot of victims feel worthless. He used you.
I hate this free floating feeling. Because they won't give you closure at all. Would rather find pleasure in thinking you are suffering and dying to talk to them. Then when they pop back up - well they never left so what's the problem.
I don't think I'll ever hear from my ex again. Ever. Even though we have a child. He won't contact me ever again.
You cannot control him.
He was a part of your journey as a strong woman telling her story of abuse and not you being a part of his. You are not a part of his life. But he was a part of yours, and that's the healthy way to address it I think.
"Yes, I was there. It was hard. But I am here now and I am essential to myself and to others who are listening and learning from my story"".
I understand the frustrations of wanting your pain to be heard by this man, to confront him,to know he understands in some way what he did. Just something, I feel the same way. I wake up having imaginary arguments with him during the night. Boy there's some stuff I'd like to shovel at him!!
But....they will never really hear us. If they had the ability to empathize or really listen then we wouldn't be at this point now. If they had these capabilities before we would have been in healthier relationships, so confronting him will not have a good outcome for you. Frustrating though I know!
There is more power in your silence than anything else, it says so much. The longer the silence the more profound the effects on him, yes it will drive him nuts because he has no control or supply. He can't read you, he doesn't know what you're thinking. Dana was right in saying that they never really have just 'one' woman.
My ex tested me to meet 6th December same day he had first date with OW. He continued texting all that week, ended with an abusive message as I wouldn't buy the crap he was peddling. His ex girlfriend did though who he had also been texting. He slept with her on the 12th December making promise to return to her and never did. So yes, the steady woman will just be secondary supply and there will be others.
You and your child aren't missing anything and the longer you don't contact him the more power you take back from him. I visualise the abusers shrinking when I think of this, they hate no contact. It punishes them more than anything. I removed myself from the electoral roll, social media, I am nowhere he can find me and it feels very good.