Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
Hi All
Haven't posted here in a while. I felt for a bit that I was recovering....like I was starting to feel better about my life and about my experiences with my ex. I even escaped to New York from California for two months just to clear my head. I went to every single museum and attraction. I even did things I would never do like eating alone at a restaurant or going to a bar alone.....
But I came home and my family has been falling apart. My twin brother is estranged from all of us. He doesn't communicate with anyone in my family. I also landed right in the middle of my parents separation/possible divorce, finding out that the people who were once my two role models had been cheating on one another and sleeping around their circle of friends for more than twenty years.
Since coming home I have landed in a deep and dark depression, and can't seem to get out of bed or find any self worth....and all I can think about is my ex.
For those of you who don't know, we were only together for two months. In the beginning of the second month he asked me to marry him (and then two weeks later left me). During the first month he told me he wanted me to move in with him, that he wanted to see me every day, he wanted to start a family with me and he wanted me to be the mother of his child. He was divorced and had a four year old boy. At the end of the first month I told him I was in love with him, I fell for him hard...and he said he loved me too. But when he broke up with me he told me I was bipolar, that I was "crazy" for telling him I loved him. He said, what kind of person tells someone they love them after a month? He denied any of the "feelings" he had for me and basically told me I was crazy. I just keep asking myself...why would he ask me to marry him? Why would he tell me I was the love of his life, if he just denied it at the end and left me broken? He was 30 and I just turned 22....why couldn't he just consider our age difference, and maybe how much saying those "serious" things, like talking about marriage, could torment me for the rest of my life?
Two months after he broke up with me, I desperately tried to see him again. He texted me out of nowhere, asking me to come over. He slept with me, and said things like, sleep over next week, I had such a good time with you tonight.
And then I NEVER heard from him again.
I think I cried for a year and a half, straight. I thought about suicide, multiple times. Abused xanax. Started drinking a lot and sleeping with a lot of people and was severely depressed. Refused to eat, lost about 20 pounds in a few months.
And here I am. I watch my family fall apart and think about the fact that I am jobless and can't escape my thoughts....I also think about how lonely I am. I don't have/trust many friends. I PUSH every guy away that I date because I am so heartbroken still....and am still waiting for a guy to replace my ex.
What do I do???
Will this pain ever go away? I feel so lost. All I do is just blame myself for losing my ex. And I feel such intense loneliness..........
Haven't posted here in a while. I felt for a bit that I was recovering....like I was starting to feel better about my life and about my experiences with my ex. I even escaped to New York from California for two months just to clear my head. I went to every single museum and attraction. I even did things I would never do like eating alone at a restaurant or going to a bar alone.....
But I came home and my family has been falling apart. My twin brother is estranged from all of us. He doesn't communicate with anyone in my family. I also landed right in the middle of my parents separation/possible divorce, finding out that the people who were once my two role models had been cheating on one another and sleeping around their circle of friends for more than twenty years.
Since coming home I have landed in a deep and dark depression, and can't seem to get out of bed or find any self worth....and all I can think about is my ex.
For those of you who don't know, we were only together for two months. In the beginning of the second month he asked me to marry him (and then two weeks later left me). During the first month he told me he wanted me to move in with him, that he wanted to see me every day, he wanted to start a family with me and he wanted me to be the mother of his child. He was divorced and had a four year old boy. At the end of the first month I told him I was in love with him, I fell for him hard...and he said he loved me too. But when he broke up with me he told me I was bipolar, that I was "crazy" for telling him I loved him. He said, what kind of person tells someone they love them after a month? He denied any of the "feelings" he had for me and basically told me I was crazy. I just keep asking myself...why would he ask me to marry him? Why would he tell me I was the love of his life, if he just denied it at the end and left me broken? He was 30 and I just turned 22....why couldn't he just consider our age difference, and maybe how much saying those "serious" things, like talking about marriage, could torment me for the rest of my life?
Two months after he broke up with me, I desperately tried to see him again. He texted me out of nowhere, asking me to come over. He slept with me, and said things like, sleep over next week, I had such a good time with you tonight.
And then I NEVER heard from him again.
I think I cried for a year and a half, straight. I thought about suicide, multiple times. Abused xanax. Started drinking a lot and sleeping with a lot of people and was severely depressed. Refused to eat, lost about 20 pounds in a few months.
And here I am. I watch my family fall apart and think about the fact that I am jobless and can't escape my thoughts....I also think about how lonely I am. I don't have/trust many friends. I PUSH every guy away that I date because I am so heartbroken still....and am still waiting for a guy to replace my ex.
What do I do???
Will this pain ever go away? I feel so lost. All I do is just blame myself for losing my ex. And I feel such intense loneliness..........
Do you have support/friends you can talk to about all of this? Have you opened up to anyone? Are you able to see a therapist. You definitely need some support.
Absolutely you are not crazy for believing he loved you if he told you all those things. You fell hard in a short period of time and it was all just a whirlwind that knocked you off your feet. It was all over before you even knew what hit you. Of course I am not a psychiatrist but it is a trait of a psychopath to move very quickly to confuse you and make you fall hard and quick for them. His reason for leaving you most likely has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.
The first thing I think you need to do is accept that his behavior is NOT love. It felt like love, it smelled like love, it sounded like love but it was NOT love. Once you can do this , you then need to focus on something is wrong with him. Do your best to exercise the 'Do Not Contact', Yes it's HARD. And up and down, but it is an essential key to getting over him.
You said for a year and a half you suffered immensely. How long has it been now? How do you see yourself now since the period of time you thought about suicide, xanax, etc? Do you still feel like that or better?
Just to let you know, my separation has been about the same amount of time as yours and I still miss and think about him and have a sift heart sometimes. And I have broken the Do not Contact. But all and all I am feeling better. I'm hoping you are too.
You are very young and the silver lining for you is that you discovered this type of person and horrible pain early and hopefully that will have taught you the warning flags from getting involved with another person like him in your future.
Please DO NOT blame yourself. There is no bad guy/ good guy in any relationship. But he is much older than you, should be much more experienced and wiser than you, and should know that it is very easy for women to say they love someone even within the period of a month. There is nothing wrong with that.
I hope you can find someone close to you to talk to and do consider seeing a therapist to help you work through your pain.
I did a lot of terrible behavioral things in my last relationship. Somehow I believed that he would stay by my side, but in the end I feel like I pushed him away.
I have been seeing a therapist but I feel like I am in the same place I was a year and a half ago.
Are you close with your mother at all? Would you be able to tell her what's going on with you?
Knowledge IS power. Learn/study the ways of those who see others of their kind as feed. As something/someone...one at a time...to conquer and destroy ...to toy with like a cat with a mouse in the corner.
Then learn you. Because brother or mother or father of husband or pal or co-worker, NO ONE should be able to unbalance you from your focus on you. They are all peripheral in the end.
Time/ intent/desire/& persistence...along with a lotta luck...will getca through all of this, i hope!
GL! {hugz}
Nothing wrong with taking a bit of time to reflect on your suddenly new and overwhelming circumstances...but no reason to hurt yourself over other folk on you path at this lil' moment in time that are the ones causing all the chaos and negativity.
I hope you can refocus on the wonders of life again soon! Please don't let the bad guys steal your entire youth from you! Run back to NY if you were happier there. Sometimes a change o' scene/ some distance from the craziness, and a strike out at forging your own life is the best thing in the world to do!
Happy trails! :)
GL, & TY!