I call my behavior during the silent treatment - confessions -
He was there, he was getting information, I was very emotionally engaged to a point of crying and begging, and he didn't reveal anything. He just observed me.
It touched my old wounds of abandonment and low self- esteem , but was not related to my addiction to him, I think. I was a normal person trying to solve the problem , trying to reason and he didn't want that.

Yes that resonates with me as well. The issues it brought up. I would resort to begging, pleading, crying etc. I say addiction because for me I wanted to go back to the "good" guy so badly that I would do almost anything. I was always addicted to the love bombing stage. Yes I wanted answers but more than anything I wanted that "high" and wonderful feeling back. Like a heroine junkie always chasing that initial high.

He said that his ex used to say that he's rational and she's emotional and I felt the same way till I realized he knows tactics like this one that make him appear in control , and calm and sane, but in fact it's an abuse tactic. He just turns you off like a television and you are gone and he doesn't have to deal.

I can understand. I wanted the good guy too back, before I realized it was a mask.

Agreed Dana. Mine always said he was "logical". In other words, if I'm mad at him then there is no need to speak, hence silent treatment. When I was pregnant with our second child, he completely "left". Went silent. I was beside myself. I didn't know what to do. It was torture. They use silence as torture. They hear us begging and I think just love it. It gives them.control. Sometimes I think the only thing they can control is silence and if they wait long enough to engage - we are so happy they engage that we "forget" whatever it was that upset us.

Yes silent treatment was the absolute worst form of abuse for me, I was exactly the same. After it had gone on for so long and it was excruciating I would do anything to break that silence. The tension was horrendous and I always knew that he was going to be abusive when he started withdrawing and talking to me less. It would get to the point where I would sit wondering what the heck was going on, analysing everything I'd said and done to understand why he was ignoring me.

Usually it was somebody who irritated him at work or something that I didn't know about but was being punished for. Sometimes it was because I did something he didn't want me to do. Like go out with a friend or go shopping ! Not really major things !

The silent treatment usually culminated in either an argument (anything for me to break the silence, sheer frustration would get the better of me) but towards the end when I was scared of him and scared for our daughter it would result in my begging and crying. It was just a power trip for him!

My ex was also very sarcastic which I hear is a way for abusive men to veil their abusive behaviour.

I would eventually reach out begging for answers or to talk. Found out he actually played my messages for the OW to prove I was nothing to him. Just evil.

Yeah, he did this with me and the OW too. But she doesn't get it. He still abusive.

Right, right, right - everyone here is right. It's a form of control and a tool used to condition behavior. If you bring up a subject that they don't want to talk about (usually some bad behavior on their part) they go silent. They don't want you to know where they are, they go silent. You didn't respond immediately when they texted or called, they go silent. In each instance they are conditioning you to a) not bring things up, b) not expect to know where they are or what they are doing, and c) to always be there when they call. I feel there is a second part to the silent treatment that sort of seals the deal which is that they break the silence and act like nothing happened - as if the silence was not on purpose when you know it was. The ultimate goal is to keep you off balance and make you feel crazy.

That's exactly it, I don't know when it happened but I stopped expecting to go out like a normal person, socialise, I stopped asking him to take five minutes from his computer, I learned from previous silent treatments (he called them 'sulks' to minimise his abuse - how many sulks last a whole one or two days or entire long weeks?) that I didn't want a repeat of that pattern and to just concede to what he wanted. I never thought I would ever do that in a relationship but I yielded to him time after time just for some peace.

Stronger how true it is that he would make out like after the silence was broken it was like nothing had happened ! Same after a huge argument where he would hurl verbal abuse and storm out of the house. I would apologise when he wouldn't and at least then there could be some normality again, he would act like nothing happened. I would feel so exhausted after all this, it weakened me over time I was with him five years. Where I grew weak he grew strong feeding off my pain.