Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
I looked for online support forums because my daughter insisted I get help. I was suicidal because the crime deeply affected my professional life, which is by far (very far) the most important thing in my life. The financial blow was the second item because it exposed me to abusive attitudes from family members that are too coward to express themselves when I am not vulnerable. Being vulnerable made me want to die. Some days it is hard not to take the whole bottle of oxycodone and top it with wine. I want to numb my anger and humiliation concerning my family.
But I feel absolutely nothing for the psycho.
I feel out of place here and at the other forums: over 90% of the victims have emotional reactions to psychopaths. I can't relate to that. They are things, they lack empathy, so I can't feel anything for them. Not even anger. I rationally think they would better be kept away from society because they are incurable predators, but I feel nothing.
I was targeted because I am a celebrity and because my family has money, period. The psycho's plan was to hide behind me. Other high profile friends had exactly the same experience. Some suffered severe blows - others didn't.
I even took a few empathy tests online... And yes, it is disturbing to read I score lower than the average autistic or Asperger's. I do feel strongly towards missions, projects, principles and morals. But, honestly, I can't even understand what makes it hard to avoid contact with any person. I felt it hard not to have contact with people I wanted to punch on the mouth before, but not with anyone I had a relationship with.
I wonder if I even should be here...
Yes, I am risk. I committed suicide before - same thing: no feelings. Just a general sense of meaninglessness. I was diagnosed with a rare form of epilepsy, after years of bipolar disorder DX (I wrote a Ph.D. thesis with 465 pages in three months: that looks pretty much maniac). They don't think so anymore: epilepsy.
But I feel absolutely nothing for the psycho.
I feel out of place here and at the other forums: over 90% of the victims have emotional reactions to psychopaths. I can't relate to that. They are things, they lack empathy, so I can't feel anything for them. Not even anger. I rationally think they would better be kept away from society because they are incurable predators, but I feel nothing.
I was targeted because I am a celebrity and because my family has money, period. The psycho's plan was to hide behind me. Other high profile friends had exactly the same experience. Some suffered severe blows - others didn't.
I even took a few empathy tests online... And yes, it is disturbing to read I score lower than the average autistic or Asperger's. I do feel strongly towards missions, projects, principles and morals. But, honestly, I can't even understand what makes it hard to avoid contact with any person. I felt it hard not to have contact with people I wanted to punch on the mouth before, but not with anyone I had a relationship with.
I wonder if I even should be here...
Yes, I am risk. I committed suicide before - same thing: no feelings. Just a general sense of meaninglessness. I was diagnosed with a rare form of epilepsy, after years of bipolar disorder DX (I wrote a Ph.D. thesis with 465 pages in three months: that looks pretty much maniac). They don't think so anymore: epilepsy.
You keep asking if you belong here. If you are a victim of a psychopath, you are certainly welcome here. Some people still feel an attraction to their psychopaths, known as Stockholm Syndrome, very common. Others do not. The 2 psychopaths I was a victim of, as soon as I realized they were psychos, it was like a switch flipped. No attraction to them, no desire to ever talk to them again. One I had lived with briefly, I got the F out (he stole most of my stuff), and I got a restraining order against him. He was later convicted of stalking me but continued for years, until he died. I had no desire whatsoever to talk to him or see him, had many nightmares about him trying to kill me, developed PTSD, still think I see him places sometimes when he's been dead for a couple years (I sometimes wonder if even that is true). The 2nd psychopath I only went on 6 dates with and then he raped me. We talked on the phone daily for those 6 weeks, for HOURS every single day. Sometimes as many as 6 hours per night. As soon as I realized he was a psychopath, no more. I told him never to contact me again, I filed charges for rape, and that was the end of it. No attraction at all.
You were not with your psychopath for very long. So it makes sense that you were able to quickly disconnect. Others have been with theirs for decades before realizing who they were. Realize that a lot of brainwashing takes place in that time, and the psychological damage done to the victim is severe. Their self esteem suffers greatly and they have a hard time realizing that they can do better.
No matter where you're at in your recovery from the psychopath, you are welcome here. It is a long, difficult process to repair the damage done by an abusive relationship. People spend many years in therapy. Some go back to their abuser (very common). Others find new abusers. It's an extremely difficult pattern to break. We don't judge anyone here for any of that. This is a place for non judgemental support of all victims. You are certainly welcome here. Try not to compare yourself to other victims. Everyone is on their own personal journey.
Feel free to share your feelings toward the psychopath. If they're pure hatred and you want to kill him, that's totally fine. I'm right there with you. I see no use for them and think they should be eliminated from society. I don't see them as human.
Just to get this out of the way, I've been seen by neurologists and psychiatrists all my life: I'm not aspie. I'm just a scientist... These tests are flawed but I'm so cornered by my sick family that I question myself.
I have a sick family. It comes from generations. I've just had another discussion with my sister. No, they are not being "supportive" go have me: the money comes from my parents. They all, one way or the other, depend on that money. Except for the highest celebrity in the family, the brother who came out as transgender and is considered one of the 10 most influential people in the country. It is sickening to see the media reaction to him and how much he loves that. He was always weak, but, boy, how he loves being called "a goddess"...
My brothers decided that I am mean to my mother, that this is "all too stressful" for her and that they will decide when, what and if she will help me with money or not. Keep in mind that there is a lot of money, that the financial chaos I am in now was caused by a crime and that all my brothers and most nephews and nieces depend on that money.
They are accusing me of many things and have forbidden me to communicate with my mother, except to "talk about love". At the same time, they blame me for not talking to her.
My older brother has written an e-mail suggesting that there was no crime and that I am hallucinating. He knows I am not: at other moments, they accuse me of the opposite (being too rational).
My daughter, who is a psychologist, is seeing all the red flags of suicide and is desperate to get me help. To which her uncles and aunt manipulate her into invalidating me even more. She has my power of attorney in the other country.
I just need a few more months until my "exceptional ability and higher degree" EB-1 visa is approved: I've had that before, I am over-qualified and my lawyer is super optimistic. It is a great law firm that handled my visa in the past: I was always successful. I need just a few more months and a car (a cheap wreck will do). But meanwhile, I can't just go and get an illegal occupation: it would destroy my chances with the "elite visa".
My family knows that. They accused me of blackmailing them with the suicide behavior (and they don't know a fraction of what I'm doing: I have it all figured out on how to do it, notes to leave, etc etc). They want to control everything I do and I suspect that my two brothers may actually want me to commit suicide. It's the perfect outcome:
1. they can show it was part of an illeness (I have done it before and I was accidentally saved: the left side of my face is numb because I slashed my throat, cut part of the jugular and facial nerves)
2. they can suggest I was already planning to do it
3. much more money to them, although, "unfortunately", I would have left a daughter, who will have rights on the inheritance. Although that shouldn't be a problem: my second brother, the transgender queen, has been put as co-owner of my parents' bank accounts and probably has power of attorney to transfer whatever he wants
4. they won't have to deal with me any more
So, NO: the psycho is not the problem. Actually, if I had a little more money and a car, I think I could manage until the approval of the visa alone. And the reason why suicide is still very much on the table is my brothers' and mother's actions.
So... maybe the place for me would be "victims of sick families".
Agent Smith, I am sure I was targeted by the psycho because I am a celebrity in the field he used to practice his scams. Being married to "great Hegin" made him look good to everyone. He invalidates his ex-girlfriend, who is a great friend now and an awesome person (and I don't want to leave this world without making it right by her for all he did against her) and people believed him. He also wanted to change his name with our marriage. And... he expected my family to keep providing money.
In a sense, you are right: my lack of empathy and strict commitment to principles makes me gullible and stupid to manipulative people until it is too late. He got that. Also, I think he "read" my family. It wouldn't be the first time they would keep giving money to someone to keep the dirt under the carpet.
My family is not emotionally supportive so they know NOTHING about my life. My parents live 1000 mi away. The rest of my extended family lives nearby. The only thing they know is that I dated the guy who turned out to be psycho #1 (the registered sex offender). They have no idea that he was a psychopath, a registered sex offender, or that he was stalking me and convicted of it. I never told them anything after I broke up with him. After that, I was victimized again and again by other psychopaths and criminals and never told them. I know that they aren't very supportive so I don't talk to them about it.
Part of recovery is knowing who is safe to talk to. That's why support groups exist. Maybe you can find a local support group for abuse victims. Then you would at least have supportive people to interact with. You know now that your family is toxic and unsupportive so do not talk to them anymore about it. Do not allow them to minimize what you've been through. Turn here and to friends or other support groups for safe support. And to your therapist.
I understand it is overwhelming and I understand feeling suicidal. I've been there myself. Try to reach out to someone safe. Even call a hotline if needed. They are very good. After I was raped, I was calling the rape crisis hotline multiple times a day, having panic attacks, and was suicidal. There are good, supportive people on the line. Reach out to someone safe. Don't turn to people who will blame, belittle, and minimize what you've been through. *hugs*
My super-celebrity brother was the one who handed me on a Silver Platter to the communist organizations where I was abused for three years. Honestly, I'm not sure rape was the worst part. Today, my sister basically said I was lying (NOBODY ever questioned me about my truthfulness, but my family is powerful and they are basically socialist/communist), that three years with "consented sex" was not rape. "Just one" (they one I physically fought and tried to report to internal organisms in the Party).
All the others were ok for them. After all, I was already violently subjected (I was 14 when it started). I didn't complain when they told me to lay down and have sex with them. It was my duty.
I was a member of the central committee for students affairs. When I was forced to have an illegal abortion and my uterus was ruptured (I was 17), I was told I was a reactionary counter-revolutionary and deserved to be executed. I couldn't walk: too much pain.
My brother never cared.