Yes. He raped me one night and then after convinced me that he had no idea what happened and was in tears. I got up and made him dinner. I am not sure I will ever get over the anger from that evening. I did not even realize what it was until after D day and his mask fell off. Then I knew. He would murder me if he had access to me.

Your story sounds like mine. I'm sorry you went through that too. It took me a day and a half to realize I was raped- I was in shock. He knew it was my worst fear and he did that to me. I'm trying to grasp that too. How someone could be so evil.

I am very thankful that it never went that far, but there were times where he would be his hands around my throat during sex. I couldn't breath and tried to grab his arm for him to let loose. As I remember, there was a much different look in his eyes when that happened and when he loosened up he told me it was because I liked it, and I liked to be freaky.

Um, I am all for some adventures, but not to that level. He knew this, so I am thinking this was a "near miss".

So sick-- the P I was dealing with would talk about wanting to have "violent sex" was me and mentioned wanting to choke me several times. At the time I just thought he was being kinky. When I mentioned this to my therapist, she said, "no, that is not normal behavior." I was so lost in it all, I didn't see the danger.

*with me

Hmm... I was thinking kinky too, like I said, I am all for adventure, but I think it went a bit too far. I agree, I didn't see the danger. Something in his eyes told me he wasn't "there" though. Like he was coming from some other emotional state of mind. It was a while before we had sex again after that.

Yes- it's almost like they check out. The night the rape happened his eyes were completely blank. I kept looking, trying to see love there. There was none. Nothing.

At certain times when he was really into rough bedroom play his eyes would turn black. Like really black, almost like a movie special effect. It was weird enough that I mentioned it to him once. I had no idea that I was actually looking directly at evil. It gives me chills thinking about it.