Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
Hi All-
I haven't posted for a while because I haven't had so many encounters with my ex-H or his also P/S wife. HOWEVER
It has come to my attention that I have quite severe anxiety when it come to actually dealing with them. (i dont have other anxiety issues) We have 3 children together.. two of which still see their father. Ages 13 &14. I am modified no contact with them and have been for coming up on 3 years.
So- I get very funny on the days they have to pick up the kids. Lock the house all up and refuse to even go outside. I can get quite pushy with my kids about what time exactly they are coming etc. I don't allow my kids back home from school (to pick up a bag etc) on a Friday so I don't have to deal with it.
They categorically refused to bring the children home last holidays (I was alone- hubby was out of the country which I think factored into this) and kept them for a week extra. I was so anxious about seeing them I let them keep the kids for the extra time. It was like they were trying to FORCE an encounter. I refuse to do any sort of dropping off/picking up in case I have to see them. The last time we HAD to do something like that at Christmas I got dropped off around the corner so I didnt even have to be in their drive way (Also he hasn't paid child support in 4 years so I dont see why I should drive 90 minutes and use my petrol but thats a completely different issue)
He's telling the children I am crazy and that there is no risk to me whatsoever etc etc. My children are buying into this. My daughter has picked up on how anxious I am and also says I'm crazy and there is no risk even though her OWN father told her that the next time he sees me he is going to punch me in the face.... and he has barged into the house/broken in on two occassions since we divorced (seven years)... I do know there is a low risk of this.. 99 out of 100 encounters would go fine... but there is the threat of that one day when he (or she) just flips their lid.
Btw I am no contact but nasty messages still get through sometimes... on a kids device or she randomly makes a new facebook page and sends awful messages etc. I don't answer the phone nor do they have my email addy so that part is fine but I still know they are STILL angry with me (for nothing) after 7 years... like I honestly believe this will NEVER stop. I am worried that I will miss key events like graduations etc in my childrens lives because I just will not be able to go if they are going to be there.
I don't know what to do. I'm not sure I should do anything. What do you guys think?
Coralie
I haven't posted for a while because I haven't had so many encounters with my ex-H or his also P/S wife. HOWEVER
It has come to my attention that I have quite severe anxiety when it come to actually dealing with them. (i dont have other anxiety issues) We have 3 children together.. two of which still see their father. Ages 13 &14. I am modified no contact with them and have been for coming up on 3 years.
So- I get very funny on the days they have to pick up the kids. Lock the house all up and refuse to even go outside. I can get quite pushy with my kids about what time exactly they are coming etc. I don't allow my kids back home from school (to pick up a bag etc) on a Friday so I don't have to deal with it.
They categorically refused to bring the children home last holidays (I was alone- hubby was out of the country which I think factored into this) and kept them for a week extra. I was so anxious about seeing them I let them keep the kids for the extra time. It was like they were trying to FORCE an encounter. I refuse to do any sort of dropping off/picking up in case I have to see them. The last time we HAD to do something like that at Christmas I got dropped off around the corner so I didnt even have to be in their drive way (Also he hasn't paid child support in 4 years so I dont see why I should drive 90 minutes and use my petrol but thats a completely different issue)
He's telling the children I am crazy and that there is no risk to me whatsoever etc etc. My children are buying into this. My daughter has picked up on how anxious I am and also says I'm crazy and there is no risk even though her OWN father told her that the next time he sees me he is going to punch me in the face.... and he has barged into the house/broken in on two occassions since we divorced (seven years)... I do know there is a low risk of this.. 99 out of 100 encounters would go fine... but there is the threat of that one day when he (or she) just flips their lid.
Btw I am no contact but nasty messages still get through sometimes... on a kids device or she randomly makes a new facebook page and sends awful messages etc. I don't answer the phone nor do they have my email addy so that part is fine but I still know they are STILL angry with me (for nothing) after 7 years... like I honestly believe this will NEVER stop. I am worried that I will miss key events like graduations etc in my childrens lives because I just will not be able to go if they are going to be there.
I don't know what to do. I'm not sure I should do anything. What do you guys think?
Coralie
Thanks for replying. I'm going to have to clarify exactly how often this occurs- fortnightly and so far Christmas (which I did the drop around the corner)
I/m not getting medicated for an anxiety issue which ONLY appears when an abusive person is in proximity to me on one day per fortnight plus special occasions. Most people don't get medicated for situational anxiety.. ie public speaking or spiders etc. I'm not taking medication for it. Meds like Xanax which you would take before seeing them are very addictive and I'm not taking a psych med every day like an antidepressant for 15 minutes of anxiety per fortnight- perhaps a few hours of it if the time is "after lunch etc" I would consider it if this anxiety were overtaking my life or interfering with my life in some other way. I have no other anxiety issues at all. Never have done except this one thing.
I've had DV counselling. I know its not my fault blah blah- I know it does not matter what I do- they will criticize me for it- I know to be the bigger person for my kids sake. - I just don't want to break no contact and put myself in a position where I could be abused. The time when I wouldn't pick them up- I was allready being abused via facebook messages etc and I really felt like they were trying to force a confrontation while my husband was overseas and I had no support.
From my explanation.. and reiterating that this is certainly not a daily or even weekly problem... Do you think counselling AGAIN is warranted... I'm just not sure its abnormal to feel anxious when there is a chance you might run into someone who REALLY IS out to ruin you. I'm not even sure what I would talk about. I just plain and simply would rather not see them so I want to know what time they are coming etc. I guess if I did have to start missing kids events it would be a problem but thats actually never happened. They cannot be assed attending any kids events so far.
I guess I just wanted to hear if its normal to not want to see them. To be a bit on edge etc. I'm not actually having panic attacks or anything. Anyone else get quite anxious if they are in a situation where they might encounter their ex H- S/N/P what if anything did you do about it?
:)
nasty bullies/P's. When you're flying solo and having to encounter these
nasty folks getting scared is how normal people react. Training yourself not
to react is very very hard work indeed. That's what I've been doing with limited
success. A book I found helpful is "neural path therapy" that has some wonderful
breathing exercises. Cutting down on caffeine and eating lots of veggies and
getting a lot of rest definitely helps as well.
Take care and believe in yourself. I don't know very many people who don't shy
away from nasty crazy people, myself included.
I went for counseling, found a great job, joined a ski club, moved over 100 miles from him, took night college courses and life started to become fun and normal again. I moved on.
My ex divorced his wife and floundered for quite a while - I maintained my goals and my sons never talked about him when we were together. Time has passed. Both of my sons are now married and very successful. They adore their children and know what a dysfunctional family can be - they will not let that happen to them I can see.
Your children will be okay through all of this if you will go forward - make new friends and include your children in activities with them. Focus on you. Buy a new nail polish/lipstick - honestly, little changes can pick you up. The anxiety will slowly go away. I had spells when I would literally shake. It all disappeared when I became interested in others and new activities.
I never took any medication. I don't drink because I want to always be in control. Healing takes time plain and simple. You will get through this.