I contacted victim no. 2's mother. Victim no. 2 died, with her mother thinking she could have said no from the beginning because she was married. I sent her the article "To Mom and Dad: 9 reasons why your son or daughter fell for a sociopath." You can find these good articles on "Love Fraud." Feel free to google. I assured her that her deceased daughter was lured out of her marriage by promises made by a sociopath. I can only believe it gave her a little closure.

Thank you. You were also helpful in posting a link to that article for me as well. I'm married and after he unsuccessfully tried to convince me to have an affair, he raped me.

I don't want anyone else to struggle at his hand if I can help it. And if I can help her gain clarity, I would like to...even if it's just an anonymous letter delivered by a mutual friend.

Oh well...she said her friend doesn't want to talk about it anymore. It was a year ago and she wants to move past it.

What's interesting to me is that she said her friend came out with "oh I was never scared of him" without her even saying anything about what happened with him and I. It was almost like an admission. I think she's still in the denial/Stockholm Syndrome phase. Why would you come forth with a comment like that if nothing ever happened, and also WHY go to therapy over him if it was only heartbreak?

I would ask the mutual friend if she could just ask her if it'd be ok for you to contact her about him, rather than going all out in the letter right away. I've had mixed responses to contacting previous victims. One of them actually contacted me and wanted to tell me everything, then abruptly did a 180 overnight and attacked me because she hadn't dealt with her trauma from him and needed someone to project it onto. So you have to be very careful.

Thanks for the advice AS. It sounds like this other woman is not ready to deal with it yet. It would probably backfire on me.

My friend told me she suggested we talk, but her friend shut that down. She'd rather forget it ever happened than deal with it, which is sad to me.

since I'll never get to send the letter, this is what I had written:

***

Hello,

I don't know you and you don't know me...(in fact, I don't even know your name) but we share something painful in common. I won't mention his name, but I'm sure all I have to say are the words "painful" and "him" in the same sentence and you can guess who I'm talking about.

I knew him from a long time ago. He hunted me down recently under the guise of rekindling a lost friendship. He had hurt me years ago and I cut him out of my life back then. If only I had known what I know now, I should have left it that way. You see, he preys on the nice people that are easily taken advantage of. And I would venture to guess that you and I are very similar. People who know me well would say I'm a good person: kind-hearted, forgiving, generous, loving, and happy. He sees that in people, women in general, and seeks to destroy it. He has no soul, he has no heart and no real emotions. He will claim love, but he doesn't know love. He's incapable of it. He only knows pain and control. He only wants power. He will never apologize for anything. The other person will always get the blame.

He did something unspeakable to me, something he should be in jail for. I'm sure you understand my position, and how he has the advantage given his job. It took me a week after he treated me so terribly to realize what happened and I've stopped all communication with him. I hope you've figured it out, but in case you haven't there's a name for his sort of madness. He's a psychopath. He's pure evil.

I write this not wanting to dig up any past/current pain in you, but to let you know that you are not to blame for however he treated you- he's manipulative, soulless and a terrible, dangerous man. More terrible than anyone could imagine. And I'm so glad you escaped.

I'm still sorting through all of the details of what happened to me and I just started talking to a therapist. I've joined an online support group, which has been really helpful so far. It's nice to be able to share with other women who have had similar experiences. It's nice to know you're not crazy and you're not alone. That the confusion, anger, and guilt you feel are normal.

I'm here if you need me. And if you ever want to meet, or just exchange letters, let (our friend) know and we can arrange something.

Sincerely,
A friend

Do the kind thing and leave her alone. If she is in fact traumatized then she is dealing with that in her own way. She may very well have moved forward and does not want to rehash a terrible time. You may feel that way in the future as well. But you can come here for support. Hugs.

Here's the problem we, as the latest victims face. Most of these relationships seem to be long-term. By the time you have discovered or ended the relationship, enough time has passed for the last victim to have tried their best to get over it. When you seek clarification or support from the last victim, they don't want to be reminded or relive that horrible time. The same goes for people who have been duped in business by these same people. My S duped a woman out of $46,000, while others lost $10,000 and $5,000. His method was to write "Doing business as......." So when he couldn't or didn't want to pay his debt to these people, he just folded the business and used business precedent to stiff all of them. He's doing the same to me and the same with a loan he got from my father for car. The woman who lost $46,000 went out of her way to try and help, but hated every moment of remembering. The S's lawyers battered her. I got nothing else out of her to help me get others to come forward. The NPS count on this as they move on.

I'm angry enough to go after him if this new victim ever wakes up because victim no. 2 died, I'm 3, and no. 1, who got her money back demanding his 401K in front of her father would most likely speak to the "gaslighting." He's POS, and if I do anything in what's left of my lifetime, I will try to find a way to change the judicial system to get victims justice.

I'm going to leave her alone. If she decides she wants to talk to me, she can always let my friend know.

I DON'T THINK IT WOULD HURT...SHE'S MOST LIKELY STILL IN HIS SYNDROME, AND DOESN'T REALIZE IT.