Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
I have been reading all of the posts on this site, trying to glean as much information as possible to reclaim my life. The one theme that continues to jump out at me is how the people posting are all in various stages of grief. And why shouldn't we be? Rachel Remen said "The expectation that we can be immersed in suffering and loss daily and not be touched by it is as unrealistic as expecting to be able to walk through water without getting wet."
Each of us has our own personal view of life with a sociopath. For some, it was a love interest. For myself and others, a child we brought into the world. For others, a boss, a friend, a parent. What we all have in common is we have recognized this person for the sociopath he/she is and have started a journey toward healing. If we follow the guidance of those further along the path, we have stopped interacting/communicating/reacting to the sociopath in our world. This leaves a large hole in our lives because so much energy was required to survive life with the sociopath. It is perfectly normal to grieve the loss of that relationship, especially since there was love involved on our part.
(Modified) Kubler-Ross lists the stages of grief as:
Shock-Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news
Denial-trying to avoid the inevitable
Anger- frustrated outpouring of bottled up emotion
Bargaining - seeking in vain for a way out
Depression - final realization of the inevitable
Testing-seeking realistic solutions
Acceptance - finally finding the way forward
There is no right way to grieve, no organized template to follow. The stages are not experienced in a set order and one does not need to "complete" a stage to move to the next with the exception being the final stage-acceptance. Some of us are feeling several stages at once, some will never find their way to acceptance. The important takeaway point is that once you realize that you are in fact grieving, you can stop believing you are crazy, that you are the one responsible for the problem. You can begin to process your feelings and seek guidance from professionals in the field. We are allowed to mourn what/who we have lost. We are allowed to grieve for what was and what will never be. Whether the sociopath was a son, daughter, mother, father, soulmate, sibling, friend-it does not matter. The emotions are and were real feelings, the person was a large part of our life, and that person is gone.
In time, we will come to see that the hole left behind, the one that was full of chaos, pain and confusion, that hole has been closed, healing from the inside out. We will be left with a scar, but that is our reminder that we survived and moved forward. It signifies our triumph over the sociopath who meant to destroy us.
Each of us has our own personal view of life with a sociopath. For some, it was a love interest. For myself and others, a child we brought into the world. For others, a boss, a friend, a parent. What we all have in common is we have recognized this person for the sociopath he/she is and have started a journey toward healing. If we follow the guidance of those further along the path, we have stopped interacting/communicating/reacting to the sociopath in our world. This leaves a large hole in our lives because so much energy was required to survive life with the sociopath. It is perfectly normal to grieve the loss of that relationship, especially since there was love involved on our part.
(Modified) Kubler-Ross lists the stages of grief as:
Shock-Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news
Denial-trying to avoid the inevitable
Anger- frustrated outpouring of bottled up emotion
Bargaining - seeking in vain for a way out
Depression - final realization of the inevitable
Testing-seeking realistic solutions
Acceptance - finally finding the way forward
There is no right way to grieve, no organized template to follow. The stages are not experienced in a set order and one does not need to "complete" a stage to move to the next with the exception being the final stage-acceptance. Some of us are feeling several stages at once, some will never find their way to acceptance. The important takeaway point is that once you realize that you are in fact grieving, you can stop believing you are crazy, that you are the one responsible for the problem. You can begin to process your feelings and seek guidance from professionals in the field. We are allowed to mourn what/who we have lost. We are allowed to grieve for what was and what will never be. Whether the sociopath was a son, daughter, mother, father, soulmate, sibling, friend-it does not matter. The emotions are and were real feelings, the person was a large part of our life, and that person is gone.
In time, we will come to see that the hole left behind, the one that was full of chaos, pain and confusion, that hole has been closed, healing from the inside out. We will be left with a scar, but that is our reminder that we survived and moved forward. It signifies our triumph over the sociopath who meant to destroy us.
i am 100% in control of my body, it is my right, it is my divine inheritance. All negative energies, elements and entities go with love. Amen".
This is very empowering for me and I believe it with every fiber of my being. No other person is controlling my life but me. I have reclaimed my strength as a woman and I will never be the victim of a sociopath again.
Please try to block the thoughts from your mind of this individual, focus on the power within yourself. Do not pray for thoughts of him to be removed, instead pray for positivity, for faith in your strength, pray thanksgiving to God that you are free of this evil. Take your power back. You are a survivor. You are strong. You are beautiful. You are a good mother. You are valuable. You are still you.
Thanks for your story
You are very welcome. I still have my good days and my bad days, but overall, I am improving each and every day. I know how difficult the no contact part can be, but it truly is a must. The sociopath will use any opening to reel you back in and they know exactly what buttons to push. Please tell yourself each and every day that you are 100% in control of your body, it is your right, your divine inheritance. Then ask all negative energies, entities and elements to go with love. Tell yourself that you are in control now, you are the only person who controls you. You are strong. You are capable. You are a survivor. Stand proud in that knowledge, you made choices which changed you from victim to survivor. That is pretty incredible. Go you!!
Kimberley
Thanks for your kind words. I am a survivor and I did make it and I stand firm on my beliefs and my values, morals and ethics. I am proud of that the most. That I can help my daughter with all these lessons I have learned. This has got to be at the top as far as mental games. I read a post today and someone commented and said they were all around and once you get through this you can detect them pretty easily. Well there are tons in my area. They are all around and I am getting out of this area as soon as I can. Your words of wisdom helped me today. I needed them. Am so exhausted from it all. Drained and just feel like I have been put through the ringer. Ok, will post later. Kelly
I am so glad you found wisdom and peace from my words. That is the reason I post on this site. I believe we are able to be the support for each other at a time we are so vulnerable and broken. Each day is a small victory. I have definitely had my share of down days lately, but I am finding the strength to say "I want better things for myself and my family". For so long, I would say "I don't want to be hurt, I don't want to fight, I don't want her to be mad at me." Being the sociopath she is, she preyed on that, used it against me at every turn. I won't let that happen again. I deserve to be happy. I deserve the blessings my husband and I have worked so hard to have in our life. I am moving forward and I am hopefully helping others to move forward as well. Stay strong! K