https://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/2011/07/29/a-painful-incredulity-psychopathy-and-cognitive-dissonance/

Thank you for that.

It's great that you are writing these things down. When I took my S to court, he and his "monkeys" fabricated all kinds of stories. I wish I could have said the judge, "Every time he says, 'I said, heh listen, you ....' he telling you a lie, Judge."' I didn't get to say anything like that to the judge, and I NEVER had any of those conversations. Sociopaths will lie profusely, doesn't matter that they take and oath. I word processed every text conversation between the S and his many sexting women and men. Sadly, these are only accepted as heresay in a court of he said/she said. One of the best things you can do is record things he says, but don't set him up. That's what some S's do to their victims. Also, had I known, I would have taken pictures of his texts. Would have required hundreds of pics, but worth it. Simply word processing now becomes something he can say is fabricated. Even emails from third party aren't acceptable unless the third party can be available as a witness. That sucks. Need indisputable hard copy proof. It is great that you're writing everything down for your own sanity. Best to organize in a time line, too. S's like to tell everyone that events took place in a small amount of time, when it may have happened over a long period of time. Depends on what their purpose is. Good luck with everything.

What you are experiencing is cognitive dissonance. You question, you rationalize etc. I am in a place now I feel there are two me's. The one that believes my husband and the one that doesn't. I feel for everything he has told me , he has also told me the opposite...and he is not the psychopath, his girlfriend is. Her craziness has reached me, even though I make sure I steer really clear of her.
As of yesterday I have decided to trust in myself and not him anymore.
Making a list is very good and should help you. I thought to put sticky notes on my wall of all his negative traits and bullshit he has dished out but then my therapist reminded me that wouldn't be so cool with the kids seeing that. But yes making a list is good.
From what I understand there is no sort of definitive diagnosis of psychopathy that psychiatrists can give. I understand it's more of a checklist of behaviors. Is it so important that he is labeled a psychopath to you? The real facts are that he is doing what he is doing to you. A label won't change that. My husband is not a psychopath but it doesn't anymore take away the pain and suffering he has caused me.
It does really help me when I realize how horrible he's been. And I feel grateful I'm not like that.

Thanks everyone.

I talked to a therapist yesterday and she liked the idea of a list. When I start to doubt what happened or how bad it was, I go back and reference.

I've been reading everything I can on the topic and it's helping burst that bubble I was living under for a while. I still have moments of weakness though where I feel really vulnerable and that scares me. I'm afraid I might break no contact, even though I know he's a monster.

Allison, once you fully accept it and the truth comes to you, like REALLY REALLY comes to you.....you will protect that truth ferociously! Living in the mindf*** is so much worse than the world of truth. It is #1 in importance. It hurts like hell but immerse yourself in reality and do not have contact. The contact is what pulls you back into the alternate world. That is not your world anymore. Protect your world of truth like your life depends on it.