Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
My ex would always make grand statements of "I would never"....have another child, get married again, get a pet, bring a woman around my kids etc etc.....and they are almost all exactly the opposite of the truth. Is that common? It got to when he said I would never - I figured he had/was or will.
It is absolutely correct that whenever a psychopath says "never" and always," the truth is the reverse.
My P said he would "never" have any interest in a married woman as "that is so wrong." He carried on a 2-year, very active daily obsession with a married woman with children. He created thousands of files of photographs, videos and movies he had made of her, creating a form of voyeur pornography in which she starred. He engaged this obession while living with me, though I did not know about it until the last few months.
He engaged in another obsession with his married-for-40-years high school girlfriend whom he had not even seen a photograph of in 40 years.
He said, he could never even look at a woman under 40 (he was 58 at the time he said it) as that was as those women were too near his daughter's age, and thus, the thought of it disgusted him.
He carried on to me daily for months about the sexually-charged flirtation at his job between him and a 22-year old mother of 3 children, all of whom had different fathers. According to him, she pinched his butt every time she passed him. He often e-mailed me or called from his job, suggesting they were alone together in the woods. After work, he would joke they he had "scored" today at work. The only time he ever played his guitar for me, he sang a made-up tune about him and this girl having been out in the woods alone together earlier that day. He left the end of the story ambiguous, stopped playing, and put his guitar away.
He obsessed to me daily about a 34-year-old woman in his band. He portrayed a great building drama of how it was wrong because she was so young (he told me she was 26). He talked about singing love songs with her and falling in love with her. He carried on about this woman every single day for months to me--his girlfriend. He got to where he said he didn't care about her age. he was in love with her and wanted to run after her every time she left the room.
Eventually, he showed me a video of her at a gig. I was floored and furious. The married woman I mentioned above--that he made the porn of was hideous, but THIS woman was deformed. She was tragic. She had a birth defect which I will not describe, but it was terrible. She was 34 and had a much older appearance than me (I was then 59). She could not sing at all. Her musician father had gotten her the job trying to save her life as she was a drug adict, mentally ill and suicidal, no doubt due to her deformed appearance. Also, P then informed me she was a lesbian and 34. She appeared to be about 65 and anot an attractive 65.
In the above cases, I do believe that most of the alleged "obsession" was feigned for the purpose of hurting me as much as he could, and then shocking me, with the terrible reality. But I also believe that he was more interested in married women than in single women, more interested in age-inappropriate women than in age-appropriate women. Because, in fact, psychopaths are way more interested in whatever is inappropriate and wrong.
But mine also would be like "I would never date a woman at work" - while he was. "I would never do this or that" was usually what he was doing.
Oddly a couple times he would say "I'm only going to hurt you. You deserve better. Just walk away". But I would stay. Anyone else have that said to them?
I have now heard worse stories and also, lived one. Now there are many excellent forums and articles about psychopaths online. Much more depth of information. I had left this topic behind in about 2004--moved on and never looked back, except to tell a "funny" anecdote about my XH, occasionally. I met another P in late 2010, and did not recognize him as a P. Much of his behavior went right over my head as typical P behavior, because my P XH was actually a mild psychopath compared to this one, and did not exhibit a number of typical P behaviors such as mirroring and love-bombing (except in a mild form). He was not as intentionally destructive. He was somewhat intentionally destructive, but not on a daily, hourly, basis like P#2. Not as low, sadistic and vicious. He did not put as much energy into destroying me. It was not as incredibly masked as his opposite as was P#2.
So yes, there are all different, I would imagine, in terms of the intensity of psychopthic energy, predominance of some traits over others, and also they have different personalities apart from their psychopathy. It is in their disorder where all the similarities lie. I wish I had known this before I met P#2. When you have met one, you have not met them all.
Your P sounds like a somewhat milder P than some of the most pathological.