Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
For those who don't already know, this is a method for determining if someone is a psychopath. It is a diagnostic test written by Dr Hare. It is really not supposed to be used by the general public as it is extremely difficult, without many years of experience, to diagnose a psychopath. You have to have had a lot of experience with other psychopaths to be able to compare and contrast. Without that experience, it is next to impossible. I have had experience with several psychopaths and have studied psychopathy for 10 years, and even I sometimes find it difficult to diagnose one.
Rank each category with a:
0 - Does not apply
1 - Somewhat applies
2 - Strongly applies
Scores above 30 indicate a psychopath.
1. GLIB AND SUPERFICIAL CHARM — the tendency to be smooth, engaging, charming, slick, and verbally facile. Psychopathic charm is not in the least shy, self-conscious, or afraid to say anything. A psychopath never gets tongue-tied. He can also be a great listener, to simulate empathy while zeroing in on his targets’ dreams and vulnerabilities, to be able to manipulate them better.
2. GRANDIOSE SELF-WORTH — a grossly inflated view of one’s abilities and self-worth, self-assured, opinionated, cocky, a braggart. Psychopaths are arrogant people who believe they are superior human beings.
3. NEED FOR STIMULATION or PRONENESS TO BOREDOM — an excessive need for novel, thrilling, and exciting stimulation; taking chances and doing things that are risky. Psychopaths often have a low self-discipline in carrying tasks through to completion because they get bored easily. They fail to work at the same job for any length of time, for example, or to finish tasks that they consider dull or routine.
4. PATHOLOGICAL LYING — can be moderate or high; in moderate form, they will be shrewd, crafty, cunning, sly, and clever; in extreme form, they will be deceptive, deceitful, underhanded, unscrupulous, manipulative and dishonest.
5. CONNING AND MANIPULATIVENESS: the use of deceit and deception to cheat, con, or defraud others for personal gain; distinguished from Item #4 in the degree to which exploitation and callous ruthlessness is present, as reflected in a lack of concern for the feelings and suffering of one’s victims.
6. LACK OF REMORSE OR GUILT: a lack of feelings or concern for the losses, pain, and suffering of victims; a tendency to be unconcerned, dispassionate, coldhearted and unempathic. This item is usually demonstrated by a disdain for one’s victims.
7. SHALLOW AFFECT: emotional poverty or a limited range or depth of feelings; interpersonal coldness in spite of signs of open gregariousness and superficial warmth.
8. CALLOUSNESS and LACK OF EMPATHY: a lack of feelings toward people in general; cold, contemptuous, inconsiderate, and tactless.
9. PARASITIC LIFESTYLE: an intentional, manipulative, selfish, and exploitative financial dependence on others as reflected in a lack of motivation, low self-discipline and the inability to carry through one’s responsibilities.
10. POOR BEHAVIORAL CONTROLS: expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression and verbal abuse; inadequate control of anger and temper; acting hastily.
11. PROMISCUOUS SEXUAL BEHAVIOR: a variety of brief, superficial relations, numerous affairs, and an indiscriminate selection of sexual partners; the maintenance of numerous, multiple relationships at the same time; a history of attempts to sexually coerce others into sexual activity (rape) or taking great pride at discussing sexual exploits and conquests.
12. EARLY BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS: a variety of behaviors prior to age 13, including lying, theft, cheating, vandalism, bullying, sexual activity, fire-setting, glue-sniffing, alcohol use and running away from home.
13. LACK OF REALISTIC, LONG-TERM GOALS: an inability or persistent failure to develop and execute long-term plans and goals; a nomadic existence, aimless, lacking direction in life.
14. IMPULSIVITY: the occurrence of behaviors that are unpremeditated and lack reflection or planning; inability to resist temptation, frustrations and momentary urges; a lack of deliberation without considering the consequences; foolhardy, rash, unpredictable, erratic and reckless.
15. IRRESPONSIBILITY: repeated failure to fulfill or honor obligations and commitments; such as not paying bills, defaulting on loans, performing sloppy work, being absent or late to work, failing to honor contractual agreements.
16. FAILURE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR OWN ACTIONS: a failure to accept responsibility for one’s actions reflected in low conscientiousness, an absence of dutifulness, antagonistic manipulation, denial of responsibility, and an effort to manipulate others through this denial.
17. MANY SHORT-TERM RELATIONSHIPS: a lack of commitment to a long-term relationship reflected in inconsistent, undependable, and unreliable commitments in life, including in marital and familial bonds.
18. JUVENILE DELINQUENCY: behavior problems between the ages of 13-18; mostly behaviors that are crimes or clearly involve aspects of antagonism, exploitation, aggression, manipulation, or a callous, ruthless tough-mindedness.
19. REVOCATION OF CONDITION RELEASE: a revocation of probation or other conditional release due to technical violations, such as carelessness, low deliberation or failing to appear.
20. CRIMINAL VERSATILITY: a diversity of types of criminal offenses, regardless if the person has been arrested or convicted for them; taking great pride at getting away with crimes or wrongdoings.
Rank each category with a:
0 - Does not apply
1 - Somewhat applies
2 - Strongly applies
Scores above 30 indicate a psychopath.
1. GLIB AND SUPERFICIAL CHARM — the tendency to be smooth, engaging, charming, slick, and verbally facile. Psychopathic charm is not in the least shy, self-conscious, or afraid to say anything. A psychopath never gets tongue-tied. He can also be a great listener, to simulate empathy while zeroing in on his targets’ dreams and vulnerabilities, to be able to manipulate them better.
2. GRANDIOSE SELF-WORTH — a grossly inflated view of one’s abilities and self-worth, self-assured, opinionated, cocky, a braggart. Psychopaths are arrogant people who believe they are superior human beings.
3. NEED FOR STIMULATION or PRONENESS TO BOREDOM — an excessive need for novel, thrilling, and exciting stimulation; taking chances and doing things that are risky. Psychopaths often have a low self-discipline in carrying tasks through to completion because they get bored easily. They fail to work at the same job for any length of time, for example, or to finish tasks that they consider dull or routine.
4. PATHOLOGICAL LYING — can be moderate or high; in moderate form, they will be shrewd, crafty, cunning, sly, and clever; in extreme form, they will be deceptive, deceitful, underhanded, unscrupulous, manipulative and dishonest.
5. CONNING AND MANIPULATIVENESS: the use of deceit and deception to cheat, con, or defraud others for personal gain; distinguished from Item #4 in the degree to which exploitation and callous ruthlessness is present, as reflected in a lack of concern for the feelings and suffering of one’s victims.
6. LACK OF REMORSE OR GUILT: a lack of feelings or concern for the losses, pain, and suffering of victims; a tendency to be unconcerned, dispassionate, coldhearted and unempathic. This item is usually demonstrated by a disdain for one’s victims.
7. SHALLOW AFFECT: emotional poverty or a limited range or depth of feelings; interpersonal coldness in spite of signs of open gregariousness and superficial warmth.
8. CALLOUSNESS and LACK OF EMPATHY: a lack of feelings toward people in general; cold, contemptuous, inconsiderate, and tactless.
9. PARASITIC LIFESTYLE: an intentional, manipulative, selfish, and exploitative financial dependence on others as reflected in a lack of motivation, low self-discipline and the inability to carry through one’s responsibilities.
10. POOR BEHAVIORAL CONTROLS: expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression and verbal abuse; inadequate control of anger and temper; acting hastily.
11. PROMISCUOUS SEXUAL BEHAVIOR: a variety of brief, superficial relations, numerous affairs, and an indiscriminate selection of sexual partners; the maintenance of numerous, multiple relationships at the same time; a history of attempts to sexually coerce others into sexual activity (rape) or taking great pride at discussing sexual exploits and conquests.
12. EARLY BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS: a variety of behaviors prior to age 13, including lying, theft, cheating, vandalism, bullying, sexual activity, fire-setting, glue-sniffing, alcohol use and running away from home.
13. LACK OF REALISTIC, LONG-TERM GOALS: an inability or persistent failure to develop and execute long-term plans and goals; a nomadic existence, aimless, lacking direction in life.
14. IMPULSIVITY: the occurrence of behaviors that are unpremeditated and lack reflection or planning; inability to resist temptation, frustrations and momentary urges; a lack of deliberation without considering the consequences; foolhardy, rash, unpredictable, erratic and reckless.
15. IRRESPONSIBILITY: repeated failure to fulfill or honor obligations and commitments; such as not paying bills, defaulting on loans, performing sloppy work, being absent or late to work, failing to honor contractual agreements.
16. FAILURE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR OWN ACTIONS: a failure to accept responsibility for one’s actions reflected in low conscientiousness, an absence of dutifulness, antagonistic manipulation, denial of responsibility, and an effort to manipulate others through this denial.
17. MANY SHORT-TERM RELATIONSHIPS: a lack of commitment to a long-term relationship reflected in inconsistent, undependable, and unreliable commitments in life, including in marital and familial bonds.
18. JUVENILE DELINQUENCY: behavior problems between the ages of 13-18; mostly behaviors that are crimes or clearly involve aspects of antagonism, exploitation, aggression, manipulation, or a callous, ruthless tough-mindedness.
19. REVOCATION OF CONDITION RELEASE: a revocation of probation or other conditional release due to technical violations, such as carelessness, low deliberation or failing to appear.
20. CRIMINAL VERSATILITY: a diversity of types of criminal offenses, regardless if the person has been arrested or convicted for them; taking great pride at getting away with crimes or wrongdoings.
1. GLIB AND SUPERFICIAL CHARM: A very smooth talker. Used very big words, medical terms. This fit in with his claim to be in the medical field and doing medical research for some type of cancer cure or something (don't remember the specifics). He would call me every night and talk on the phone for 4-6 hours. During this time, he was very engaged, wanted to know all about me and my life. He was collecting data to manipulate me. So he would get a 2 in this category.
2. GRANDIOSE SELF-WORTH: I only knew him for 6 weeks. But I heard from the prior victim that he was always bragging and acting arrogant. He changed some of his strategies with me. He did claim to have a really high IQ. Bragged about his shooting skills, that he was a sharpshooter in the military (of course this was a lie). Pretended to know famous people and have connections with celebrities. He bragged about the money he made (which was a lie). Claimed he made over $400k per year due to his stock portfolio, on top of a military retirement, on top of his teaching career (lied and claimed to be working as a professor at an upscale university). He bragged about how expensive his watch was. Bragged about the nice BMW that he had but never drove (because he didn't have it). Bragged about extravagant vacations around the world (lies). Bragged about having all these high degrees (lies). Bragged about young college girls hitting on him. I give him a 2 here.
3. NEED FOR STIMULATION or PRONENESS TO BOREDOM: He could not keep a job for very long. Had worked as a nurse at all the local hospitals. Rarely for more than a year or two. He wasn't really a thrill seeker though. I'll give him a 1 here.
4. PATHOLOGICAL LYING: He was the stereotypical pathological liar. He claimed to have several high caliber degrees, including a PhD, all in science related fields from good universities. In the past (with previous victims), he claimed to be a medical Dr and would even show up at her house with a stethoscope around his neck. He also claimed to be a military veteran, having served in the war. He had a purple heart and several other medals in a glass case hanging on his wall, surrounded by letters from the president and such. All of this was fraudulent material to aid in his fake identity. He gave me an alias name so that I wouldn't be able to discover who he really was. He claimed to be very wealthy and would flash large wads of cash whenever possible. He'd always meet me dressed in dress pants, dress shirt, tie, cuff links, etc. He claimed to be buying a yacht, we went to the boat dealership together, and he even had the boat salesman conned. He would call me daily, telling me the progress, in detail, of the interaction with the boat salesman that day and where they were at in the process of the boat sale. All of this was lies. This is what eventually lead to his downfall, I called the boat salesman myself and found out that none of these interactions had taken place. He had committed a very similar con with the victim before me, pretending to be buying a $1.3 million mansion for this woman (who married him based on the con that he was a Dr) and even had the realtor conned. He had even passed some bad checks to the realtor (which is ultimately how she caught him and found out). The list of his extreme lies goes on and on, including the use of a fake (but very believable) British accent which he used on me and never faltered from character during these 5 hour daily phone calls and weekend dates. You cannot count regular lies for this category, it has to be pathological, like this example. In that the lies create a story which doesn't really exist. He definitely gets a 2 in this category.
5. CONNING AND MANIPULATIVENESS: Lying to his prior victim in order to con her into marrying him is an excellent example of this. He also conned her out of around $50k as well during this time. He was court ordered to pay her back or go to jail when she found out his true identity and was able to annul the marriage based on fraud. He was also lying to his employer and working as the head of the nursing dept yet all the licenses required by law to hold that job, he did not have. So he conned them in some way to believe he did have them. And anyone who received their degree under him, could have their degree voided since he was not lawfully teaching. Lying about being a war vet (federal offense) is another big one and quite common with psychopaths as well as lying about having cancer. He gets a 2 in this category.
6. LACK OF REMORSE OR GUILT: After he raped me, he high tailed it out of my house while I was hysterically crying. Showed no remorse for what he had done to prior wives, by pretending to be the victim instead. Definitely a 2.
7. SHALLOW AFFECT: Never really showed any emotion except he'd get angry and storm out of my house when I refused to have sex with him (eventually leading to him just raping me). The prior victim had a similar reaction when she didn't want to have sex. He'd storm out and squeal tires leaving her house. That was the only emotion he ever showed. No happiness, no excitement, nothing except anger at rejection. In fact, I mentioned several times that he doesn't seem to get excited about anything and asked him if anything excited him. He was just cold and emotionless. I'll give him a 2 here.
8. CALLOUSNESS and LACK OF EMPATHY: When I told him I had been a victim of a psychopath in the past, and what that entailed, I got basically no reaction (big red flag). Normal people are astonished when they hear about the hell I've been through. Psychopaths have no empathetic reaction. He had no empathy for what he did to me and what he'd done to prior victims. I give him a 2 here because his crimes were so horrific and he didn't feel the least bit of remorse.
9. PARASITIC LIFESTYLE: This one he lacked, unless he was getting money from someone that I don't know about. His house was in foreclosure for unpaid mortgage. So nobody was paying his bills for him. He didn't try to get me to pay for meals. But we were in the very beginning stages where he was still trying to impress me. So I have to give him a 0 here.
10. POOR BEHAVIORAL CONTROLS: This describes his reaction to being sexually rejected by both me and the prior victim. But it could be much worse so I'll give him a 1 here.
11. PROMISCUOUS SEXUAL BEHAVIOR: I found out from a former coworker of his that he came onto other women at his work (while he was married to his 1st wife) and that his advances were unwanted and included unwanted touching. He bragged of his sexual conquests to his previous victim. He raped me after telling me all day that I had nothing to worry about and that he wouldn't try anything if he came over. He gets a 2 in this category.
12. EARLY BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS: I do not know anything about his childhood so must give a 0 in this category.
13. LACK OF REALISTIC, LONG-TERM GOALS: Since his only long term marriage, his life had spiraled out of control. He had always had trouble maintaining a job. He constantly got fired. He lost his house. He lost the one car that he couldn't afford. He was in a ton of debt. He owed the prior victim money, on top of all the money he owed all these check cashing companies and car dealership. He lost his nursing license so couldn't pursue that career anymore. Had no real plan in life, that I could ascertain. I give him a 2 here.
14. IMPULSIVITY: The rape was an example of this. He had no impulse control. The following day he texted me apologizing and saying he "lost control". You could probably attribute his criminal history to this category as well. I'll give him a 2 here.
15. IRRESPONSIBILITY: He had been sued no less than 12 times in the past 2 years for unpaid debts. Most of those debts were small loans he had taken from cash advance stores and never paid back. This is where he got the giant wads of cash to carry to appear rich. He also purchased a used BMW (to aid in the rich appearance) from a dealership and never made a single payment. It was repossessed the following month and he owed them over $4000 which they won in a lawsuit as well. He never showed up for court for any of these cases and they were all attempting to garnish his wages but he never stayed at one job long enough for anyone to catch up to him. Definitely a 2 here.
16. FAILURE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR OWN ACTIONS: When he told me of his last relationship (the one he conned into marrying him), he never mentioned any of his behavior. He twisted everything around to make her the bad guy and himself the victim. She was "using him" for his money. She wanted him to buy her a house. Blah blah blah. No mention of the fact that he was the one offering all that because he was trying to pretend to be wealthy and show off. He also lied about his 1st wife, claiming she hit him in the head with a frying pan (I talked to both these women and got the real stories). I also knew a little bit about his criminal record. His story was that he was seeing a woman who told him to go to the store and get her prescription filled. He got to the store, the prescription was fake, he got arrested and she wouldn't take responsibility for it. The truth is that he was a nurse, he likely stole a prescription pad, forged a dr's name on it, and was addicted to pain pills. He was caught and lost his nursing license and charged with 7 crimes including felonies. He was in a court mandated drug rehab program as well as probation. None of that was reflected in the story he had given me. He took responsibility for absolutely nothing. He definitely gets a 2 in this category.
17. MANY SHORT-TERM RELATIONSHIPS: He had one long-term marriage in which he had 2 kids. She left him because of his lies. Since then, he had been in a series of short term relationships including the 2nd marriage which ended a few months later. Short term marriages are a big red flag. This is really typical for psychopaths. After the 1st long term marriage, they are rarely able to find another. A 2 in this category.
18. JUVENILE DELINQUENCY: I know nothing about his childhood. So I have to give a 0.
19. REVOCATION OF CONDITION RELEASE: He was actually violating the terms of his probation. He was drinking which he wasn't allowed to do. He raped me, which he of course wasn't allowed to do. No breaking laws while on probation or it's a violation of probation. So he was committing crimes and violating terms of probation, but nothing was done about it. There's a long story as to why, and it involves corrupt officials. But I did speak to his probation officer to at least let her know the truth about him. I have to give a 0 here because his probation was never revoked, as far as I know, even though it should have been.
20. CRIMINAL VERSATILITY: The crimes he was convicted for were felonies and there were 6 of them. They included fraud, deception to obtain a drug, and forgery. Then there was the rape, which he wasn't convicted of. Then he had passed fraudulent checks to the realtor when conning the last victim, but they never pressed charges. The Stolen Valor Act (pretending to be a war veteran). Etc, etc. Definitely a 2 here.
So he scores a 30 only because we don't know about his childhood. It's almost guaranteed that there were issues during childhood but there's no way to know those without talking to his parents.
1. GLIB AND SUPERFICIAL CHARM: Very much so. Would frequently buy me flowers, right from the beginning. Talked of marriage right away. Convinced me to move in right away, saying he'd pay for everything and I wouldn't have to worry about any living expenses (I was still a college student). Told me he'd buy me a fancy car I wanted in a year (this was a $100,000 car). Definitely a 2.
2. GRANDIOSE SELF-WORTH: Bragged about a high IQ as well (dumb as a brick). Said his IQ was over 200 but he couldn't remember exactly, but that someone else taking the test at the same time got a higher score. Clearly didn't do his homework on IQ before saying this since having an IQ of over 200 would put him amongst the most intelligent people on the planet, and certainly, even if they tested IQs in a group (they don't), there'd be nobody there with a higher score. Claimed to be a successful entrepreneur and that he was able to afford things other people his age couldn't, and was able to work from home. He definitely gets a 2.
3. NEED FOR STIMULATION or PRONENESS TO BOREDOM: Could not hold a job at all. Went very long periods without employment. Was a bit of a thrill seeker and very dangerous about it. Wanted to take my jetski out in 6' waves even though he was unable to climb onto it when he fell off. When I pointed that out, he claimed he'd just swim and pull it back to shore if necessary. Extremely stupid risks. Tried lifting big weights in the gym, acting like a big shot, and got stuck in the equipment and other people had to rush to help him. Wanted to go swimming with me in an olympic sized pool that I used to swim laps in, while claiming to be an excellent swimmer...almost drowned. Couldn't complete one lap. I'd give him a 2 here.
4. PATHOLOGICAL LYING: Extreme. Also lied about being a military war hero. Would go into great detail about his time served during the Gulf war, what it entailed, things he saw, how many people he killed, men he served with, etc. Was never in the military. One time, upon finding documentation that he was the father of a kid he never mentioned to me, he claimed the paperwork was default and that the kid was never tested because the kid and mother both died in an evacuation bus during hurricane katrina. He spouted this lie immediately off the top of his head when I stumbled upon this document and asked him. Of course, everyone knows there were no evacuation busses during hurricane Katrina and these people weren't dead. Massive lies. Definitely gets a 2 here.
5. CONNING AND MANIPULATIVENESS: He was actually on Judge Judy, being sued for a fraudulent business he had. Basically, he pretended to have a Limo company. He sent out someone to tell people that they should rent their party bus from his company because it's state of the art, top of the line, complete with pictures of a state of the art party bus. The person would then rent his service, and they'd show up with a painted black, short school bus with no heat. The bus driver couldn't maneuver it into the driveway, ended up in the ditch, it stalled, the people renting (HS kids for prom), had to jump start it, and it was the middle of winter in Ohio and there was no heat. He naturally lost the case within seconds, then acted completely astonished that Judge Judy didn't believe his BS. Definitely a 2 here.
6. LACK OF REMORSE OR GUILT: He would verbally abuse me all night long, screaming and berating me, calling me every name in the book for no reason. Then when I finally broke down and cried, he seemed satisfied that he had met his goal. When I had to call my grandpa to come get me in the middle of the night because he stole my keys and I couldn't leave on my own, he rushed out to the driveway to meet my grandfather first, telling him I was just in no condition to drive, and giving him my keys. After I left him, due to the abuse, he stole all my belongings. The best I could get him to do was throw out what he didn't want and I had to go pick it up from the porch. Claimed he had the right to keep everything I had or throw it all away if he so chose. Definitely a 2.
7. SHALLOW AFFECT: Didn't express feelings aside from anger. I don't remember him ever showing excitement. I remember fake crying when he was trying to get me to feel sorry for him. And anger. That's it. I'd say he gets a 2 here.
8. CALLOUSNESS and LACK OF EMPATHY: Very much so. Would scream at me while I cried. Would scream at his young son and beat him for not talking. Made his kid stay in his room 24/7. Not allowed out to play, never interacted with other children, they never played together. Any time the kid came out of his room to show his dad something, he'd tell him to go back to his room. Never cleaned the kid's room, he lived in filth, food and toys completely covering the floor and bed. Would brag about killing people, men, women, children, and pets, during war. Although this was a fictional story, it highlights his callousness. Definitely a 2.
9. PARASITIC LIFESTYLE: Was completely financially dependent on his father. His father bought him a house, his father paid all his bills. He went years without a job and when he did get a job, it never lasted more than a few months. Definitely a 2.
10. POOR BEHAVIORAL CONTROLS: I explained this earlier about his anger issues. Would fly off the handle and start screaming at me all night long for nothing. I'd leave the room and attempt to sleep on the couch, he'd follow, turn the light on, and continue screaming. This would go on and on. I'd attempt to leave the house but he'd steal my keys. Once, he wanted to start a huge fight about the weather, of all things. And this resulted in him stopping the vehicle that he was driving, in the dark, in the rain, in the middle of the street. Or driving like a reckless maniac. He was violent to his son, who was 4-5 at the time. And he was a convicted of a sex crime against another child. All indicate poor behavior control. Definitely a 2.
11. PROMISCUOUS SEXUAL BEHAVIOR: He was a registered sex offender for a crime against a minor. Had served time in prison for it. I caught him cheating on me by sending sexual messages to another woman. He was also stalking another woman while dating me (she called and told me). I'd give him a 2 here.
12. EARLY BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS: I don't know much about his childhood but I know that his mother had to give him to his father during teenage years because he was so out of control. So I'll give him a 1 based on just that info.
13. LACK OF REALISTIC, LONG-TERM GOALS: No goals in life. No career. The only reason he had a house is because his father bought it. Played video games and watched tv all day. Definitely a 2.
14. IMPULSIVITY: I've described some of this already. His impulsive fights and driving behaviors. His criminal behavior was impulsive. He would impulsively buy cars and vehicles that he couldn't afford and had no use for. Another 2.
15. IRRESPONSIBILITY: He had been sued several times, including the judge judy lawsuit. He was also sued for $20k, never paid it. Nobody could garnish wages because he didn't have a job. He had 3 kids by two women and had custody (somehow) of one of them. He never took care of this kid, just made him stay in his room all day. Fed him the same frozen chicken nuggets and mcdonalds every single day. Didn't pay any child support for the other two. Definitely a 2.
16. FAILURE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR OWN ACTIONS: Never took responsibility for the sex offense. Blamed her, claimed she had a fake ID and he met her at a bar (false). Hadn't even met the kid from that encounter (for which he became a sex offender). Didn't take responsibility for what he did to me, or the lies or secrets I caught him in. Told me it was none of my business that he had other wives and kids I didn't know about. I was being "nosy" suddenly for cleaning out all his junk and cleaning his entire house when I found this document. Until that point I was a saint for cleaning his house. Failed relationships were not his fault. Definitely a 2 here.
17. MANY SHORT-TERM RELATIONSHIPS: He had been in two short term marriages and I'm not sure how many other relationships. I'll give him a 2 here.
18. JUVENILE DELINQUENCY: Have no idea about his juvenile record so I have to give him a 0, but I'm sure there was one.
19. REVOCATION OF CONDITION RELEASE: I'm not sure if he had ever had his probation revoked. I know it should have been during my case against him. Three weeks after being convicted of stalking me, and only receiving probation even though it was a really extreme stalking case, he pulled up along side me while I was walking to work one morning, got out of his car, and stood on the sidewalk while I passed right by him. He stared at me. This was clearly a violation of his probation as he was not allowed anywhere near me. So it should have been revoked at that point but the city I live in refuses to ever do anything about crime because they want crime stats to look ridiculously low so people will feel safe. So I have to give him a 0 here even though it shouldn't be.
20. CRIMINAL VERSATILITY: Long list of criminal behavior for which he was convicted. The sex offense, for which he served time in prison for and was on the sex offender registry. He was convicted of stalking me a year after I left him (after dating only a few months). He remained obsessed with me till he died, 5 years later. He had a shrine of pics of me, and was posting pics of my neighborhood even after conviction, when he wasn't allowed near me. Also was posting "reviews" for his fraudulent limo business under my name online, years later. He had forged my name, twice, onto federal USPS change of address forms, to pretend I didn't live there so that he could steal all my stuff (federal offense). The stealing of my stuff itself was another crime. He was convicted of arson, insurance fraud, and criminal damaging after torching the "limo" bus after the judge judy incident. Also, while I was dating him, police searched his house and seized his computer in another case (still don't know what that was, my guess: pedophilia). He also purchased a gun while stalking me, and posted pics of him holding this gun to his head with suicidal writing around the border about how he was going to kill himself over me. He was not allowed to even touch a gun since he was already a felon at the time. Definitely a 2.
That brings us to a score of 35, only because I don't know much about his childhood behavior and if his probation was ever revoked. But he paints a very clear picture of the textbook psychopath.
He went to jail for the arson, criminal damaging, insurance fraud stuff and was on probation for a year and a half (but he died soon after).
1, GLIB AND SUPERFICIAL CHARM: I met him on POF--a dating site. He was very non-assertive for several months, just chatting me up. However, during the numerous times weekly chats, he showed an off-the-wall and surprising perceptiveness, and a slightly bent sense of humor. He had an amazing command of language and knowledge of diverse subjects. After we went to e-mail, he flirted more with seemingly shy boot-scuffing hopefulness. After we met in person, it was e-mail all day every day--love poems and song lyrics--without ever crediting the sources. And the same array of knowledge of diverse subjects and bent humor. It was like sitting next to David Letterman. All day every day. Except we had become emotionally intimate, telling each other "everything." 2
2. GRANDIOSE SELF-WORTH: He down-played his real achievements--he was a retired librarian. But he bloated his image as a musician and "musicologist" grossly. He had played in about 1,000 "garage bands" when I met him; he was 56. He had never played with any notable band. He plied me with songs and musical information all day long every day, bragged that he was a "great singer" like Daryl Hall (he is a horrible singer). He once chided me that I did not understand the greatness that stood before me as he saw himself as a GREAT musicologist--the greatest ever. He constantly told me I couldn't hold a candle to his past women. He bragged about all the women who wanted him daily (a real turnoff, btw). 2
3. NEED FOR STIMULATION or PRONENESS TO BOREDOM: D worked as a librarian for 28 years, but those were the years during which it was hard to get fired from any gov't job. His personality was so irritating that he was put in an office, and, according to his ex-wife, "not allowed out in the front." That was the way he liked it as he masturbated to porn and hit on dating site women all day long everyday. I found these e-mails when I lived with him in 2013. 8 years of them. D--at 57--blasted rock music, made bonfires in the yard, and cheated on me, every 15 minutes, by phone, computer, or in person, all day, every day, for years. He could not even have sex with me without sexting another woman throughout--which I learned later. He smoked pot and drank daily. At one point, I discovered he had 83 paid porn subscriptions to the most derelict sites on the Internet. When I was at home, he juggled me and 3 or 4 other women in conversation while viewing porn simultaneously. He had been doing exactly this with all his women for years. 2
4. PATHOLOGICAL LYING: He portrayed himself early on as his exact opposite. He portrayed himself as socially shy, a hermit, a man who could count his sexual relationships on one hand--all long-term and monogamous; said he had not had sex in years. In fact, he eventually told me he had sex with approx.1500 other women during the 5 years of our relationship--which was almost daily, sometimes more than one daily. I always saw the evidence of this--the constant links to dating, sex and porn sites, but he had always explained it was pure fantasy. He lied about EVERYTHING--where he was at any given time, his views on everything, his relationship to me and other women. While playing me AND abusing me, including physically, he told his grown kids and everyone he knew even slightly that I was an abusive crazy whore drug addict sex pervert. All of this was true of himself with the possible exception of drug addict. He is an alcoholic and pot smoker. None of it applied to me at all. 2
5. CONNING AND MANIPULATIVENESS: He made me believe he was so poor he could not afford the gas to come see me 70 miles away after about 6 trips in 2 weeks. In reality, his income is 5 times mine. He said I would have to do the driving (he knows I am very low income) and that, if my car wore out, after all, I could just take the bus. This hurt my feelings as I am disabled. He said devaluing things to me all the time. I did use my car for some months for everything we did, including longer overnight trips. I paid for the gas. I brought food and drink, including for all my trips to his home as he never had any food in his house. When apart, he would talk about his crushes on other women, and hint that he had one with him, saying, "Taking a nap. We just smoked some pot," then returning for only a few minutes later. For D, "taking a nap" was a euphemism for sex. Incredibly, I thought he was just playing games. In reality, he had loads of other women. He accused me of cheating on him several entire nights a week, which I never did and would never do, but it made me feel like I always had to placate him. He trashed me to everyone he knew before I had ever even met most of them. 2
6. LACK OF REMORSE OR GUILT: I have talked myself blue in the face, trying to extract some remorse from D for: cheating on me, lying to me, twisting my heart and mind, lying about me, cheating on the one other actual relationship he conducted simultaneously while with me, exposing me to STD'S, using me, financially, using me to renovate his home and not paying me, harming my health further by yelling at me all night long several nights a week, breaking my things--including 2 computers--ripping my clothes, threatening my life, threatening to destroy my family and all other relationships, etc., etc. He has never been able to convincingly fake a single emotion that would portray remorse. Usually, instead, he has used these opportunities to ridicule, shame, denigrate and lie about me to my face. Also, to smear-campaign me to others. 2
7. SHALLOW AFFECT: His very occasional attempts to portray emotion to me were utterly hollow, childish and ridiculous. He used to sob like a 2-year-old whenever I was packing to leave him. He'd wrap his arms around my legs like a baby being left at day-care. Later, he showed no emotion towards me in any way ever. If I caught him in a truly horrible act of betrayal, he could not tell me he was sorry without his eyes looking like a pair of dead marbles. 2
8. CALLOUSNESS and LACK OF EMPATHY: Before I knew D was a psychopath or anything other than a sweet man, he asked me why I had left my husband of 30 years. I told him I had been a battered wife. His messaged response was "Oh come on, get outa here." 2
9. PARASITIC LIFESTYLE: Even though D owned a farm almost outright and had very little other debt, plus a nice pension, he moved in with me, in my small apt. and proceeded to run up my bills, doubling the water bill, the grocery bill, the beer bill (he occasionally paid for his own), the car bills, more than doubling the entertainment bills (as I had not spent anything on that before him). I worked evenings while he destroyed the integrity of my computers, having sex with cyber whores in my business e-mail. Week-ends, I scraped and painted his woodwork while he played online cheating on me and setting up sex dates for when we were back in the city. He moved in with me, I believe, because of the greater concentration of available sex in my city. 2
10. POOR BEHAVIORAL CONTROLS: D had sex with other women, online or in person almost daily every day that I lived with him for 5 years (which he later admitted). I have seen his computer history, and when alone, he simultaneously chats up women and views disgusting paid pornography every waking moment of his life. He confessed to having a sexual obsession with his one-year-old granddaughter. He also had one with his daughter. He humiliated me every time we went out in public, being sexually inappropriate with every woman who crossed his path. 2
11. PROMISCUOUS SEXUAL BEHAVIOR: D is the most promiscuous man I have ever even read about. He has admitted to having sex with women he'd never before met nearly every day we lived together (about 5 years). He has no type. He wants to have sex with all women, all men, all children. I have seen both the proofs and heard the admissions. He admitted to being this way since about age 12--daily sex with strangers of all genders, ages and types. He says (and there are proofs) that he wants to have sex every minute of every day. 2
12. EARLY BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS: D talked little about his childhood, especially after our early months. However, he spoke of sexual abuse by his father when he was under 10. He spoke of knowing he was different from others by the age of 2. He explained that he had no feelings about hurting others; in fact, got pleasure from it, and saw this was different from those around him. He was skipping school, smoking pot and playing guitar in bars from the age of 14. 2
13. LACK OF REALISTIC, LONG-TERM GOALS: D did not have a obvious problem with this. He went to college, graduated, then went to librarian school, and got a nice job. He played bass guitar in bars throughout and never really stopped doing that. He married his college gf after college and before grad school. They had 2 kids, bought a farm. HOWEVER, I do not believe D ever actually contributed a dime to the family or the household. I think the family AND the job were a psychopathic smokescreen for him. He played bass 3-4 nights a week throughout those 24 years. He has admitted that every one of those nights involved loads of pot and sex with groupies. There were literally thousands of expensive concert ticket stubs in his home from those years. He told me early on that his wife never attended the concerts he so bragged about seeing because "someone had to take care of the kids." The house on the farm was a total dump, porch falling off, spouting leaking, inside, a shambles. I fixed some of the problems.His wife also had a full-time good job. I believe she paid for that domestic life, and D paid for his never-ending party. 1
14. IMPULSIVITY: D was the most impulsive person I have ever known or even read about. He bought expensive worthless toys on the spot He bought expensive concert tickets and never even attended. He made lewd sexual gestures at teen-agers in front of me, leering at their behinds or otherwise. He would have sex with anybody anywhere any time. I know this from looking in his computer, and also, from talking with him. 2
15. IRRESPONSIBILITY: D was not a total loss on this one. He managed to keep a job for 20-some years. He managed to never lose the farm he bought 30 years ago. He managed to keep plying his grown kids with enough money, attention and lies that they never doubted his "love" and devotion. On the other hand, he abandoned the farm and moved in with his grown son in my city a week after I left him in 2013. When I later asked him why, he said because his sexual addiction to his one-year-old granddaughter was so intense, he had to be near her every day. He spent $15,000 on his son's family and, primarily, luxuries like down pillows, comforters, and fancy toys (baby computer) and fancy clothes in one year. A librarian's pension is not THAT big. I already mentioned that the biggest part of his income while raising the family went to concert tickets to which he took women other than his wife. 1
16. FAILURE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR OWN ACTIONS: OMG. Every hideous thing he did, he portrayed as something I did. Everything he did to me, I had done to him. He would spew these lies both into my face and into the ears of every single person he knew even slightly. He plied his grown daughter with these lies daily (I saw the texts and e-mails) and a woman he probably used as a fuck buddy, and he and those 2 women laughed like donkeys at me, and added their own insults about how crazy I was. His daughter was about 24 when this started. I see that as spiritual rape. Not only that, he had done it to his second wife (she told me) using his daughter like this from the age of 12 (as soon as her mother died). He recruited people he had not spoken to for 40 years to use in his smear-campaign against me, including his HS gf, who believed me, when I wrote to her, and cut off contact with him. He would NEVER accept responsibility for anything he had done to me for more than a few minutes. He might agree, briefly, but he always turned it around into a horrific slam and ridicule of me, within minutes. 2
17. MANY SHORT-TERM RELATIONSHIPS: D embodies something many people don't realize about psychopaths. They ALWAYS have many relationships, always. D was married 24 years, but he had--from piecing things together, retrospectively--I would guess about 6 other romantic relationships in any given moment in those 24 years. He admitted that his wife figured this out after about 10 years. She told him he could not do this and keep her. He continued doing it. I asked him why he didn't stop. he replied that he couldn't. The last 4 years of his marriage was sexless, his wife was planning to leave him, and then she died. He married his college gf before the wife within one year. He admitted he was never faithful to that wife or to any woman. His HS gf told me he cheated on her. He admitted to cheating one me at least 1500 times in 5 years. 2
18. JUVENILE DELINQUENCY: He was never charged with anything, but he admits to being a regular truant from the age of 14, smoking pot, and hanging out in bars all day. Interestingly, both of his grown children had contact with juvenile courts for drug charges after their mother died and while D was their sole parent. 1
19. REVOCATION OF CONDITION RELEASE: D has only ever been charged with DV which was a very serious physical assault against me in 2013. Authorities in my county evaluated it and said it was a felony assault. But they did not have jurisdiction. He got nothing in his backwoods county for the "DV.," except that the judge ordered him to have no contact with me for one year. He did have contact, though initiated it. I thought he might want to seek retribution for everything, but instead, he manipulated me, trying to force me into court to drop the charge. I ended contact. 0
20. CRIMINAL VERSATILITY: I learned form D's second ex-wife that he regularly stole from the library everything he wanted--books, CD's record albums, furniture. She actually reported him and almost got him fired. He beat me senseless--as I mentioned above--but got out of it with a slap on the wrist because he lives in a very misogynistic backwater. Authorities in my county say he would have gone to the federal pen for 3 years for beating me like he did--with oak chairs. He has expressed alot of interest in child pornography and in a particular child, but has denied he has ever crossed the line into doing anything. I somewhat doubt this. I am not sure how his first wife died. D is what is referred to as a "successful psychopath." This is one who may have done the very worst of things, may even be a serial killer, but is clever enough not to have gotten caught. 2
I can't even add this up until i post it--too much material. AgentSmith, let me know if you would have scored anything differently.