They trained us to think about them, it's hard to break free of that feeling of obsessive interest in their lives. You got away early whilst You were still healthy in mind and spirit so this might account for your anger, another few years You would have become brainwashed to believe you were at fault and the control would have increased plus isolation.

I was with my ex five years on and off and we had a baby. I left him five months ago, all he'll broke loose after that. He tried hoovering me at one stage swearing he loved me and our daughter, a week later he joined a dating site and a week after that had fallen in love.

I know it's shocking but they really don't care for us, I wake up angry now and have imaginery arguments in my head with him. I went through months of checking up on him but stopped as it hurt too much to know what he was saying. The lies they spin! My advice is to stop checking on Facebook, don't contact the new women, this will just hurt you. Deal with your anger by seeing this as healthy, read websites about personal experiences of marriage or children with sociopaths. This helped me a lot, I realised how dangerous this man was, it stopped me from wanting to know more, I started cutting the cord.

He will get off on your attempts for revenge, in his warped mind he still occupies your thoughts, he still controls you. By letting go he will start to feel insignificant which they hate. Like the wicked witch melting in the wizard of oz.

First off I wanna say how awesome it is that you got back at him with his own game! I fully believe these people need a taste of their own medicine. I would love to hear the story that you got him back with and how you pulled it off.

Second, I can relate to the obsession. I am really obsessive. To the point where I've researched OCD meds thinking about going on them because maybe they'd help.

The last sociopath I dealt with raped me a year ago. I went through this process. Exposed him to EVERYONE, his family, his exes (one he had kids with), his employer, the FBI, police, etc. I had a packet of all the proof of who he really was, all his legal and finance issues that he hid from everyone. I sent the packet out to everyone. Really screwed up his life. It feels good to not just be a victim. To give them a taste of their own medicine. They have to learn consequences. If people just let themselves be victimized and do nothing, these guys will never think twice about doing it to the next person. So I applaud you for doing what you've done. You have taken your power back.

I don't know when will be enough. When will you finally feel like, ok, I've done enough, we're even? I don't know if that moment ever comes. One of my psychopaths is dead, the other is the one I exposed. I wanted to do more but had a huge tragedy in my life which shifted my focus. That's how I was able to stop obsessing.

I am trying to stop obsessing over my latest ex. Not a psychopath but treated me like shit none the less. I'm trying to spend more time with friends, just to keep my mind occupied. Even if I spend it talking about him, at least I'm not home alone, researching him online. I've blocked him on facebook and g+ so that I wouldn't keep checking his profile. I tell myself constantly that I deserve better and that he brought nothing to the table. I stood to gain practically nothing from that relationship while he would have gained everything. I was totally out of his league. I just try to keep telling myself that and think about what it will be like when I find a real man who will treat me right. Try to obsess about that. Visualize what a healthy relationship will be like.

Thanks you both for your responses. I feel like I'm crazy for all that I've done but you help me feel more normal. I gave him so many opportunities to just leave me the hell alone. I gave him outs many times (before I realized he was socio....but of course he never took them. The previous breakups I always ended with forgiveness of the things he had done. I see myself like a loyal pet...the dog that is always by your side, loving you, protecting you, forgiving you when you're not always attentive etc...but if repeatedly abused will eventually turn on you and bite you back. I think this feels like it gives me some sense of control back.

He called me crazy so many times that it became my nickname that I actually answered to. He would say "Hi crazy" in the sweetest way like someone saying "hi sweetie" or "honey" or whatever. So the brainwashing tactics were definitely there. I questioned my own sanity as he called me crazy whenever I found out more lies, cheating etc. "You're crazy but I love you anyway". Never in my life has anyone made me feel like I really was the one in the wrong on everything, even when every part of me was screaming "You're right!" Even as I collected more and more evidence to support what I already knew...I still questioned my own sanity. It wasn't enough. I eventually hacked all his accounts and started unveiling all the lies so I had solid undeniable proof staring me in the face. But he still twisted the truth into more lies so eventually I installed spyware on his computer so that all the evidence was there. I had records of it. He could delete whatever he wanted to hide from me but I still had the full record of it before it got deleted. I outsmarted him at every turn and I played the game...pretended everything was fine until he went on vacation for 3 weeks and I knew that was my time to get out...because there was nothing he could do from another country to stop me and he certainly couldn't afford to bombard me with calls...plus he was too busy with all the women he was screwing there to really put the true effort into hoovering or convincing me otherwise. That 3 weeks gave me enough time apart from him to allow some of the brainwashing and addiction to him to fade. Long enough that when he returned I was able to resist every hoover attempt possible. The first time I broke up with him and told him not to contact me he called 75 times the first day and sent over 30 texts. So you can see how difficult he made it to get away...which is why that 3 weeks for me to build up my strength and resistance was so valuable.

Agent Smith...I didn't tell my story because I am ashamed I sunk to such levels of "craziness". At the same time, while I am ashamed I still feel like he drove me to it and had he just left me alone instead of giving me no peace for 3 months I would never have done it. I initially did it to hurt him and because I THOUGHT it would be a surefire way to finally get him out of my life...not to get money out of him. But when the money started coming in I didn't stop it...I thought "all the money you got out of me...hell yeah I'll take your money". But even as I was taking it I felt more guilty all the time...and I eventually planned that I would give it back. But when that time came...when I told him I wanted to pay him back he wouldn't accept...because in his mind he was being altruistic and doing the "right thing" which of course boosted his image and feeling of being a "good guy". SO when he refused I made no forther attempts and just kept it all and considered it what was owed to me in the first place.

So here's the story. I dumped him in October. 3 months later he was still texting and calling many times a day. So on Christmas I finally answered the phone. I spoke to him a short time while he continued telling me he couldn't live without me...he loved me so much and wanted me to decide once and for all if I wanted to be back together. You would think 3 months of silence after telling him to leave me the hell alone and stop contacting me would have been enough...but of course that arrogance is always there...they think everyone wants to be with them. I told him no, I did not want to be with him and I did not want to get together, I just wanted to be left alone to forget all the things he had done and move on with my life. He begged and pleaded and made promises and reminded me of all our "future plans" together. I still said no. He still continued every day after that to send me I love you texts etc. He would NOT leave me alone. So just before New Years Eve, with more texts, calls etc...my brain suddenly devised a plan. I thought "OK, you say you love me so much...let's see how much you "love me" when you find out I'm pregnant". I thought being that he was such a lying piece of shit coward that if I told him I was pregnant he would surely run for the hills and never look back. So...I found a bunch of ultrasound pictures online of a 3 month pregnancy, and I photoshopped the original name out and replaced it with mine. I changed the date on it to December 27th, which, calculating from the last time we had sex, just before his trip, would have put me at 3 months. I waited until New Years Day and I sent him and email with the photos that said "Surprise...Happy New Year!". I knew exactly when he opened it because I had access to his email account. Silence...no response back after he opened it...and I thought "good my plan is working". After about an hour he finally replied and he said "What is that?!" And i was like really? You want to pretend you don't know what "that" is? Fucking coward just as I expected. Then he claims he really doesn't know what it is because he "can't open it" but I knew otherwise. I told him to go ahead and keep pretending and that that was exactly the cowardly response I had expected from him. Then finally he asked if it was a sonogram/ultrasound. I said yes and told him I am 3 months along. He had a lot of questions. Why hadn't I told him earlier? Did I think this was a game? I told him...was I supposed to tell you I was pregnant while you were busy screwing your other women? I wouldn't want to ruin your flings by calling you up in the middle of one of your screw fests to tell you I was pregnant with your child. I also told him I thought if I had told him sooner he would want me to have an abortion and I had to decide on my own what I wanted to do without pressure from him. I then said I didn't want anything from him, not his money, not his time, not his involvement...I just decided he should know. He was very "hurt" by both of these statements...saying I think so little of him and how could I say those things? Then he went silent again...for several days. I thought he would stay silent and relief came over me.

But then the texts started coming again. More questions. What were we going to do? How would I be able to raise this child by myself? Did I know if it was a boy or girl? How could I wait so long to tell him? How was my family reacting to the news? etc etc. He was actually more concerned with what my family (who he had never met- of his own refusal and excuses- thought of him, than he was about how I was actually doing. So I had to keep up the charade. He finally started saying he wanted to be involved...that he didn't want to not know his own child. I told him my pregnancy was high risk and listed a number of factors why and said I had to cut back my hours at work because the dr wanted me to take it easy. I told him right now I couldn't have the stress of him in my life but maybe after the baby is born I would reconsider. I told him I already had enough stress worrying about how I would pay my bills with less money from work and didn't need any more. My plan switched from getting rid of him completely to getting him excited about having a baby and then telling him I lost it. I wanted him to hurt. And then I would get rid of him completely.

The story began to snowball from what it was originally intended for and I found myself caught up in it feeling like I had trapped myself to a certain extent. I thought and planned how and when I would tell him I lost it. Meanwhile, I noticed that immediately after I told him about it...the "I love you's" completely stopped. I never received another I love you text lol I even commented on this to him. I said "It's amazing how when reality slaps you in the face, suddenly your undying love vanishes". But this also told me in a way that my plan was working. No more hoovering. Interestingly, 2 days after I told him of my pregnancy he began searching wildly online for his new victim. He found her within a day of searching and began romancing and charming her. He told her he loved her (all this from the spyware) and eventually planned to meet her during his next trip back home. He then decided he would marry her while he was there and they began making plans to marry, all without ever having met. I knew with him having a new victim, I was lucky because he would take his focus off hoovering and pretending to love me and put it on her.

He offered to send me money to help with my bills. I had told him I was struggling to pay bills and that my electricity might be cut off...but don't worry I'll figure out a way to take care of it...I can do this on my own. He started offering to send me money and I was shocked by the offers. I never expected it but then I remembered...he wants everyone to see him as the "good guy" and can't bear to be seen as the asshole he really is...so of course I should have expected it. At first I refused...but he kept insisting...finally I accepted...promising to pay him back as soon as I could. He sent me $400+ the first time.By this time about another month had passed since I first told him. I put the money in my savings account...with full intention of giving it back later on, because for me this wasn't about money. As time went on he grew more open to the whole idea and began getting excited about having a child. He talked about what it would be like...that I would be such a good mom and he was excited...he saw us getting back together (still no I love you's) and envisioned us raising our child together. My plan grew deeper. I knew he had not told any of his family or friends. He was still hiding things, he was a master at it. So I told him I planned to contact his mom and let her know that I want her to be involved and see her grandchild, even though she lives in another country, and that as soon as I could after the baby was born I would make an effort to come visit and let her meet her grandchild. He responded saying he doesn't want me causing problems with his mom and that he would tell her when he was ready. I pretended to be shocked that he hadn't told her...or anyone for that matter...and I gave him a timeline...either he tells her...or I will...because I want her to be part of this. He agreed he would tell her. More ammunition for me to hurt him with because now more people will be involved. He won't be able to pretend it away so easily. Meanwhile, he kept sending more money...even when I refused he would send it anyways. (FYI he lives 5 hours from me which is why he had to send it and which is why he didn't see me during this time). He asked to see me a few times...I told him it would be too stressful. But as time went on, it occurred to me that if I told him I lost the baby without him ever seeing me, he would likely clue in to it being a scam. I also realized that if I went into hospital losing the baby, he might actually want to come see me in hospital or at the very least call the hospital. It was unlikely he would come see me (because he is a coward) but I was considering every possibility. I didn't want him to figure this out...because I thought it would further enmesh him in my life rather than get rid of him. I sent him pictures of my belly. I would take a belly shot in the mirror, pushing my stomach out as much as I could...and then photoshop it to make my stomach a little bigger each time. By this time in the story-line I would have been over 4 months, nearing 5, and it was time for another ultrasound to determine the sex of the baby. We had discussions about naming the baby and I we agreed if it was a girl I would name her, if it was a boy he would name him. Of course, I chose ultrasound pictures of a boy and eventually sent these to him too. More ego stroking, now he would choose the name.

I still though I did not want him to have the opportunity in the end to say this was all fake and tell everyone I had faked a pregnancy...I did not want him to have the upper hand. Some of his friends back home now knew as well...and one of them added me to FB, so I posted the ultrasounds and belly shots for her to see. He had finally told his mom as well, who also added me on FB and we had a 3 way chat where I showed her all the pictures. I kept trying to figure out how I would convince him it was all real (so that it would be undeniable) even after I lost the baby. I did some searching online and found a 5-6 month pregnancy belly, that straps on and looks real under clothing. Apparently these are used a lot by women who are planning to adopt and don't want others to know the baby was an adoption. They have these from 3 months all the way up to 9. I bought the 5-6 month one. I got it in the mail...it was heavy and looked and felt very real...even had a bellybutton! He kept asking to see me, and I knew he was taking another trip home to his country in a few weeks...so I agreed I would meet him at the airport before he left. I picked out an outfit to wear. I chose a dress because I thought if I wore a shirt or sweater he might want to lift it to see my belly. I thought of everything. I even considered that if he touched my stomach it might feel colder than it should...so I bought so of those warming patches that you stick on your back when you have a sore back and I wore 2 thin tank top underneath the dress and stuck the warming patches on between the 2 tank tops so it would feel warm to touch, but not hot. I did my makeup perfectly, giving myself a warm "glow". I made sure I was looking hotter than he had ever seen me before, despite being "5 months pregnant". I drove 3 hours to meet him at the airport. I planned that I would tell him while he was on his trip that I lost the baby...because then he could not see me, and due to long distance likely would not try calling the hospital.

When I saw him at the airport he was all smiles, Holding my hand, touching and poking and rubbing my belly...he had no clue. We had coffee together and then it was time for him to go. He hugged me at the gate before boarding his flight. I wasn't about to rush into losing the baby because I didn't want suspicion and I wanted to give him a chance to brag it up to his family and friends that he was going to be a father. I had a webcam chat with his whole family, and I proudly showed them my belly. just under a week before he was set to return, I sent him text messages telling him I was worried because I hadn't felt any movement all day so I was going to the hospital. I had made sure to have a few "scares" before this throughout the pregnancy, being that I told him it was high risk, because I wanted to make the loss believable.

During this time he was busy romancing the new victim. She of course had no idea about me or anything that was going on with him. Via spyware and FB chats I knew he was going to take her to a soccer game (very big deal in his country) and this was the night I chose to reveal that I lost the baby. I wanted to ruin his night. I waited until I knew it would be just after the end of the game. He told me he was going with a friend, and said he would call me afterwards. I sent him the text that I was going to the hospital while he was still at the game, so I knew he would escape her momentarily (likely go to the washroom to call me afterwards like he did when he was with me and would spend forever in the washroom while we were out so he could call his other women. The call came and I was prepared. I had downloaded hospital sound clips, the beeping of the machines, the background chatter of the nurses, and I hit play on my computer just before I answered his call. It was an oscar winning performance. I cried, I told him they had done an ultrasound and found no heart beat. He was confused at first (his first language is not English) and so I sobbed loudly and yelled "No heart! The baby is gone". He asked, "gone? he died?!" I said yes. I was overcome with guilt so the tears were real...not because I lost anything but because I felt horrible I was doing this. So the tears were absolutely real and made it that much more believable. I told him they were giving me a drug to induce labour (I did my research). Once he understood he literally wailed "Why?! Why? Why?!" and began to cry. I told him I don't know, I did everything I could to keep the baby healthy, everything the doctor told me, I went months with no money, I ate healthy, blah blah blah. I said I'm sorry repeatedly, which I meant only because of the guilt of the whole thing. I am not the kind of person that has ever done something like this before, and even though it was planned and I felt he deserved it, I was still guilty and ashamed.

He saw me once after he returned. A couple of weeks later. I think he wanted to ensure I really had lost the baby because in the beginning I told him I wanted him to have no part of it. We talked, we continued texting for a couple weeks after that...and eventually I sent him a text saying I saw no point in continuing to communicate...that he was a bad memory I wanted to forget with everything that had happened and I just wanted to move on. I said goodbye and didn't contact him again. He randomly sent me texts...most times just question marks to see if I would respond. I didn't. Occasionally he would ask why I didn't want to talk to him anymore. I stayed silent. I was NOT going to become one of his "fan club members" of which all his ex girlfriends are and pine over him constantly. I began trying to warn his new victim, sending her every piece of evidence I had along with information on sociopathic relationships. He told her I was crazy (of course). The more he said I was crazy the more determined I became to ruin him. My goal is to send him back to his home country, because being here is his dream...he doesn't have to be poor and struggle here, and he can keep up his long distance facade with her for years. If he gets sent back, he loses all of that...and she will have a better chance to see who he really is, and maybe not waste half her life waiting for him.

Anyways, that's the story...it's like right out of a soap opera, I know. It is completely not who I am. And I have grown tired of feeling vengeful and really do want to find a way to move on and be happy again. I don't want to dream up any new schemes to ruin him. I just want my mind to be at peace. I want to learn to trust again. My father was a raging psychopath...I think in part this 10 months with my socio (now ex) bf and the whole aftermath of it has been latent anger against my father, as well as past N relationships that I had that I never realized until recently were N's. I want the anger to stop...it is draining. It consumes me when I get in that mode of focus on the things he said, did, etc. I don't want to care anymore what the hell he's doing, who he's lying to or sleeping with...I really do want to forget it all. But I am $1000 and a slight sense of satisfaction richer for it.

OMG WOW!! Somehow I didn't see this response until now and I literally laughed out loud at some parts. Amazing! You are a genius. I think it would have been more satisfying to tell him in the end that it was all a trick so you could get money from him. So he'd know he lost at his own game. You are amazing with the hacking stuff. I work in IT and I think I could still pick up some tips from you.

AgentSmith, I credit my "hacking" skills to all the N's/P's/S's I have met. I've picked up a lot of tricks as I've learned they hide their BS through all their online networking. I would not have gotten out of my relationship with the socio had it not been for the solid undeniable evidence I collected on him. He would have had me so blindsided and believing everything he said, and without the proof I wouldn't have been able to get out when I did. He had me so convinced of everything and even as evidence mounted he had ways to refute it. But only so much could be refuted with time and eventually what I knew that I knew outweighed what he said. I am still not proud that I did what I did, but at the same time, these P's come into our lives, with a deliberate plan to destroy us and exit once they have succeeded only to do it all over again to someone else. It sickens me. Sometimes I believe it is good to fight back and give them a taste of their own medicine. Even if that rotten taste wears off after a short time for them. I thought of telling him he had been taken...that he lost...but that would be risky. If he gets sent back to his home country I sure as well will send him a friendly message to let him know I am responsible for that and that he chose the wrong girl to mess with. That's a big IF. I hope it happens but there are no guarantees in the P world...they can take anyone for a ride, even the govt.