Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
I'm a 60 year old gay male. Most people don’t know I’m gay unless I tell them. I’ve been comfortably out since I was 30. A year and a half ago I placed an ad on craigslist “older for younger”. I specified for someone on the DL or in the closet, and wanted a long term relationship.
A 25 year old named Jesus, a musician from Pacoima, responded with a picture, soon after I received his phone number. We meet and hit it off right away. He told me he was straight and wanted to try sex with a man. I continued to see him for months. He would use my vehicle for weeks at a time, I gave him cash, bought him lots of gifts, and on and on. We agreed we were in a committed relationship and neglected to use condoms. We grew closer and closer. We decided to do a business venture together. I rented a space, bought equipment, and went into business. Jesus was running the business but was never ready to have a client. He worked in the business nights and weekends while I was home. One Saturday we worked together and I took note how he took out the garbage. On Sunday a thought came into my head that it was strange he took out the trash since he never cleaned. I went to the office and went to the dumpster and retrieved the garbage bag and went through the contents. I found 3 used condoms. I confronted him with the find and he said he didn’t know where the condoms came from. After awhile he hade me convinced they were not his. From this point on I was suspicious. I checked the craigslist ads(man 4 man section) and found an ad that sounded like him. I responded to the ad with a fake name and got a reply from Jesus. I replied again to get a phone number and he quickly replied with his number. I sent him a text the cl person was me. He replied to my text with embarrassment and said he was sorry, however his story changed quickly, to he was trying to catch me on craigslist. After doing some more checking I found a video of him undressing on the Internet. He and I watched the video together and he denied it was him. Every time I caught him he would talk his way out of the situation. Again he put an ad on CL and the picture was him in our office, our walls, our carpeting, with his naked body, no face this time, but it was obviously our office. The picture was taken in a mirror. I confronted him again and he said it couldn’t possibly be him because he doesn’t use “mirror pics”. Lame I know. Finally I made a surprise visit to the office, I knew he was waiting for a friend, I walked in and made some small talk and then I requested to see his phone. He and I went back and forth about why I should or should not see his phone. Finally he handed me the phone. As I started to go through his text he grabbed the phone and said “That’s just some sick pedophile”. I told him he could either let me see his phone or I’m ending the business and the relationship right now. He refused and I took him home.
Below is a list of notes I took while I was involved with him.
Video on the Internet -
Ad on cl (Even when I showed him the ads on cl (a mirror pic) and the video on the Internet he still said it wasn't him, he got angry and called me an idiot) one of the reasons it couldn't be him is because he doesn't take mirror pics.
Derogatory comments on his Facebook page. (Called him a std carrying faggot.)
Condoms in the van, Condoms in the trash, Condoms missing f/van
Sent me a good morning text from someone else's bed. (Months later i questioned this - No answer for pillows, months later I asked him to show me the pillows, he said he would look, said he has them because his mom never throws anything away, No follow up unless i asked, can't find them).
One time (right after we had been intimate) he went to take a shower , I went to join him and found him masturbating.
Ad on grinder
dirty paper towels in the back of the van.
I had custom earrings made, he was involved with the design. When the earrings were done he tried them on and said "now I remember why I don't wear earrings". That was the last time I saw the earrings.
When I made the web site he specifically mention turning off the comment feature. Red flag!
He once told me he was a contradiction of himself.
One time we had lunch in malibu. On the walk back to the car he held up both middle fingers to a traffic camera. A lifeguard saw him and asked if he was okay. He replied " just flipping off big brother"
Whenever he wore something new, I would say "that's nice where you get that?" His reply was always "it's something I found under my bed"
He would often tell me:
How he made his work office so efficient that his bosses didn't even need to come in.
How he would volunteer to teach and coach basket ball, give guitar lessons
How he raised his little sister to be a good person.
How he inspired his brother to go to school.
How well he treated his mom.
How well he treated his dad even though his dad was a failure.
How he was molested as a child.
He ran away from home and was molested by two adults for months.
He started blocking his number. When i asked him why he said its always been like that. However when he called a band mate or a family member, he would explain to that person that his number has been blocked for months.
On time when we were being intimate i noticed he was softly kicking the dog.
Blew pot smoke at my dogs (i would stop him, but I'm not aware what he did when i left the room). Eventually the dogs would leave the room when he came over.
After about a year into our relationship asked Him to help me on a job. He replied "I was hoping you would ask me ".
on 12/28 i suspected he did not work but pretended to be at the office. weeks later i questioned this and he was going to get a copy of his time sheet.
I had previously asked him about how they kept track of his time and he indicated it was done on his computer, and he could see his work history at any time, or schedule a day off with advance notice.
No answer regarding time on 12/28. He said he was waiting for the manager to get back to him.
The day i ended it:
I made a surprise visit and asked to see his phone.
He refused to show me his phone. He did hand me his phone at one point but grabbed it out of my hands and said "that's just some sick pedophile " I told him he could either show me his phone or will just lock up the shop and take him home and that will be the end of us. I took him home.
He was upset and said he always sabotages his life. He said he was a compulsive lire.
He continues to text me with emoitioncons. No words. No asking to meet and talk.
Day After the crap hit the fan he wanted to know if I was still taking him to Vegas. :/
Day After the event he indicated he was so hot for me :/
The studio was just a place to get high and watch cartoons, i sure other activity went on there too
A lying psychopathic.
3/26
I wrapped the business up, I transferred all the domains to him and indicated that no further contact was necessary.
and told him this was to end. He said some sweet things but I made it clear this was the end.
3/27 he sent me a text "I miss you tons". I didn't respond.
When he moved out he took things that clearly did not belong to him.
I've decided not to seek revenge. I do hope he does this again to someone not as kind as me and pays for his actions.
Last text:
Jaye: I miss you. Hope you're doing well!
John: Miss u too. Wish you the best
Jaye: No need to wish me the best. i AM the best. hehe jk. Actually, i think about you everyday. It's pretty pathetic. I'll never understand why i am the way i am but ill always love you John. I just hope one day ll be able to redeem myself have a nice evening!
John: I love you- but I hate the things you do. :/
I can't go thought that again.
Jaye: So I should fuck off?
John: I don't know how to respond. What would you do if you were me?
Jaye: I understand. I'll just leave you alone. If you ever want to talk or need help in anyway. You know how to contact me. I love you. You don't have to respond to this text. Have a great one and i wish the best for you!
Summary:
Many people in therapy are there because they crossed paths with a functioning psychopath.
I am still grieving the loss of something that wasn't really there.
The point is that you are breaking off all contact because they are crazy and they will not change.
Pluses:
I go to the gym 5 x's a week
Lost 15 lbs!!!
Extra $$$
Got a great new assistant!!!
Stopped Drinking
Received mental health
Had all my blood test done - all good!!
Can spell psychopath without using spell check.
A 25 year old named Jesus, a musician from Pacoima, responded with a picture, soon after I received his phone number. We meet and hit it off right away. He told me he was straight and wanted to try sex with a man. I continued to see him for months. He would use my vehicle for weeks at a time, I gave him cash, bought him lots of gifts, and on and on. We agreed we were in a committed relationship and neglected to use condoms. We grew closer and closer. We decided to do a business venture together. I rented a space, bought equipment, and went into business. Jesus was running the business but was never ready to have a client. He worked in the business nights and weekends while I was home. One Saturday we worked together and I took note how he took out the garbage. On Sunday a thought came into my head that it was strange he took out the trash since he never cleaned. I went to the office and went to the dumpster and retrieved the garbage bag and went through the contents. I found 3 used condoms. I confronted him with the find and he said he didn’t know where the condoms came from. After awhile he hade me convinced they were not his. From this point on I was suspicious. I checked the craigslist ads(man 4 man section) and found an ad that sounded like him. I responded to the ad with a fake name and got a reply from Jesus. I replied again to get a phone number and he quickly replied with his number. I sent him a text the cl person was me. He replied to my text with embarrassment and said he was sorry, however his story changed quickly, to he was trying to catch me on craigslist. After doing some more checking I found a video of him undressing on the Internet. He and I watched the video together and he denied it was him. Every time I caught him he would talk his way out of the situation. Again he put an ad on CL and the picture was him in our office, our walls, our carpeting, with his naked body, no face this time, but it was obviously our office. The picture was taken in a mirror. I confronted him again and he said it couldn’t possibly be him because he doesn’t use “mirror pics”. Lame I know. Finally I made a surprise visit to the office, I knew he was waiting for a friend, I walked in and made some small talk and then I requested to see his phone. He and I went back and forth about why I should or should not see his phone. Finally he handed me the phone. As I started to go through his text he grabbed the phone and said “That’s just some sick pedophile”. I told him he could either let me see his phone or I’m ending the business and the relationship right now. He refused and I took him home.
Below is a list of notes I took while I was involved with him.
Video on the Internet -
Ad on cl (Even when I showed him the ads on cl (a mirror pic) and the video on the Internet he still said it wasn't him, he got angry and called me an idiot) one of the reasons it couldn't be him is because he doesn't take mirror pics.
Derogatory comments on his Facebook page. (Called him a std carrying faggot.)
Condoms in the van, Condoms in the trash, Condoms missing f/van
Sent me a good morning text from someone else's bed. (Months later i questioned this - No answer for pillows, months later I asked him to show me the pillows, he said he would look, said he has them because his mom never throws anything away, No follow up unless i asked, can't find them).
One time (right after we had been intimate) he went to take a shower , I went to join him and found him masturbating.
Ad on grinder
dirty paper towels in the back of the van.
I had custom earrings made, he was involved with the design. When the earrings were done he tried them on and said "now I remember why I don't wear earrings". That was the last time I saw the earrings.
When I made the web site he specifically mention turning off the comment feature. Red flag!
He once told me he was a contradiction of himself.
One time we had lunch in malibu. On the walk back to the car he held up both middle fingers to a traffic camera. A lifeguard saw him and asked if he was okay. He replied " just flipping off big brother"
Whenever he wore something new, I would say "that's nice where you get that?" His reply was always "it's something I found under my bed"
He would often tell me:
How he made his work office so efficient that his bosses didn't even need to come in.
How he would volunteer to teach and coach basket ball, give guitar lessons
How he raised his little sister to be a good person.
How he inspired his brother to go to school.
How well he treated his mom.
How well he treated his dad even though his dad was a failure.
How he was molested as a child.
He ran away from home and was molested by two adults for months.
He started blocking his number. When i asked him why he said its always been like that. However when he called a band mate or a family member, he would explain to that person that his number has been blocked for months.
On time when we were being intimate i noticed he was softly kicking the dog.
Blew pot smoke at my dogs (i would stop him, but I'm not aware what he did when i left the room). Eventually the dogs would leave the room when he came over.
After about a year into our relationship asked Him to help me on a job. He replied "I was hoping you would ask me ".
on 12/28 i suspected he did not work but pretended to be at the office. weeks later i questioned this and he was going to get a copy of his time sheet.
I had previously asked him about how they kept track of his time and he indicated it was done on his computer, and he could see his work history at any time, or schedule a day off with advance notice.
No answer regarding time on 12/28. He said he was waiting for the manager to get back to him.
The day i ended it:
I made a surprise visit and asked to see his phone.
He refused to show me his phone. He did hand me his phone at one point but grabbed it out of my hands and said "that's just some sick pedophile " I told him he could either show me his phone or will just lock up the shop and take him home and that will be the end of us. I took him home.
He was upset and said he always sabotages his life. He said he was a compulsive lire.
He continues to text me with emoitioncons. No words. No asking to meet and talk.
Day After the crap hit the fan he wanted to know if I was still taking him to Vegas. :/
Day After the event he indicated he was so hot for me :/
The studio was just a place to get high and watch cartoons, i sure other activity went on there too
A lying psychopathic.
3/26
I wrapped the business up, I transferred all the domains to him and indicated that no further contact was necessary.
and told him this was to end. He said some sweet things but I made it clear this was the end.
3/27 he sent me a text "I miss you tons". I didn't respond.
When he moved out he took things that clearly did not belong to him.
I've decided not to seek revenge. I do hope he does this again to someone not as kind as me and pays for his actions.
Last text:
Jaye: I miss you. Hope you're doing well!
John: Miss u too. Wish you the best
Jaye: No need to wish me the best. i AM the best. hehe jk. Actually, i think about you everyday. It's pretty pathetic. I'll never understand why i am the way i am but ill always love you John. I just hope one day ll be able to redeem myself have a nice evening!
John: I love you- but I hate the things you do. :/
I can't go thought that again.
Jaye: So I should fuck off?
John: I don't know how to respond. What would you do if you were me?
Jaye: I understand. I'll just leave you alone. If you ever want to talk or need help in anyway. You know how to contact me. I love you. You don't have to respond to this text. Have a great one and i wish the best for you!
Summary:
Many people in therapy are there because they crossed paths with a functioning psychopath.
I am still grieving the loss of something that wasn't really there.
The point is that you are breaking off all contact because they are crazy and they will not change.
Pluses:
I go to the gym 5 x's a week
Lost 15 lbs!!!
Extra $$$
Got a great new assistant!!!
Stopped Drinking
Received mental health
Had all my blood test done - all good!!
Can spell psychopath without using spell check.
It sounds like you are on the right path towards a positive future without this parasite!!! Please stay away from Craigslist and any free dating type websites. They are rampant with such people. If I can offer a suggestion, try meetup.com where you can meet people who enjoy doing the same social and outdoor activities that you enjoy.
On a personal level, you seem like a really wonderful, successful and giving man. Congratulations on losing 15 lbs, finding your strength again, and being able to save your money!!!! That probably feels great!!!
Who knew we'd all have to learn how to spell psychopath? That comment was, dare I say, funny? :-)
Welcome again and hugs to you!!!
My ex ex was like this.
I will now go and read your post properly. But welcome to the forum!! :)
I wrote that entry very quickly, i just needed to get it out of my system. You see we didn't have any common friends. I guess PN do that on purpose so you cant check up on them. Let me also say He was the one that started with "I love you", "I want to spend my life with you", "If I wasn't with you i'd be with a woman", "I think about you all day". I would receive at least 10 text a day with sweet messages. In the end Im sure he was involved with at least three other men on a regular basis plus the random men he found on craigslist. Plus he had an app on his phone called "Grinder" which locates gay men that are in close proximity. When I discovered the app on his phone he denied he used it, but did say he tried it two years ago. Busted! had little experience with men, yeah right.
Im single now and have no desire to meet anyone right now. I don't even look at men the same way. When i see an attractive guy i think "Psycho!!!" Now back to therapy to take care of that issue. :)
On my second point, you need to recognize what you were doing, which you totally casually skip over and explain as perfectly normal. You were using him. He was using you in turn. It was an unspoken dance. To both of you, at some subconscious level, the other person was morally corrupt and worthy of treatment as less than a person.
Think about it. You're a 60 year old man in the final decades of your life - and he is a 25 year old man who is nearly your grandson's age. You knew inherently at some level that what you're doing is wrong - otherwise you wouldn't have felt the need to "take care of him" and buy him stuff. You were overcompensating for something your core moral spirit told you is wrong.
A 25 year old man can't possibly be with a 60 year old man and have that be a healthy relationship. He needs to enter into relationships with people his age and develop as a human being. Instead, you were exploiting his youth, looks and living precariously through him probably because of your own insecurities, additionally using him as an employee in your business venture (which you present as you doing him a favour, but by the fact that you could kick him out that shows me you were full owner of the business and had likely set it up to earn you a profit).
So you were using, and in some way abusing this young man, psychologically, socially and work - wise, even demanding that he become monogamous to you at 25!? What the hey? And then you were surprised when he was masturbating after sex with you? There is a reason why you are obviously not interested in men your age; also a reason why you kept it "on the downlow.". So why would you expect that he would be interested in a man your age when you're not? In other words, you wanted someone psychologically damaged to take advantage of - because you expected him to do something even you weren't willing to do - date someone your age and be happy. Where would that relationship go?
Yes he was wrong to take the gifts from you and lie to you - but in many ways, what you did is just as bad. But rather than lying, you set it up so that you don't have to lie - you keep the gay thing secret, hunt on Craigslist annonimously, and subconsciously or consciously seek a major power imbalance so that you can impose a rule (like monogamy) that makes no sense, you know makes no sense for him, robs him of his youth, future and life, but due to your personality and demanding nature, plus the power imbalance, he consents to something that he doesn't want to consent to and you impose on him even thought you know it's bad for him and his future. But you don't care - because nothing I said here is true in your mind. That's what being unconscious is and why you need to see a Therapist.
From the beginning we discussed our lifestyles. I told him that it wasn't natural for him to be attracted to someone almost 30 years older than he was. I told him i enjoyed our relationship and enjoyed giving him whatever he needed, weather it be cash, providing him with a car, new computer, or sound equipment for his music hobby. I even said at one point "How do you do it? I would be totally grossed out being with a man that was so much older than me" He told me he loved me. He continued to pursue me and i was willing to help in anyway I could. I was mesmerized and totally convinced he was into me. I told him I understand the desire to be with younger people and would want to experience other young people. I was okay with whatever he wanted but just be honest with me so i can protect myself. I told him that if he was pursuing other men let me know so we could use protection (condoms). I also told him that I realized by the time he was my age I'd be dead.
Its been over 3 years since no contact with him, but I think about him every day. Am I till attracted to him? I don't think so. I do miss the positive attention he gave me. He had no problem in being romantic. I truly believed we were making love, not just having sex. After all the lies and evidence I had gathered I broke off the relationship. After a few months we got back together because i missed the attention. A bad decision. I know he was a psychopath/sociopath. We discussed the possibilities that he was a S/P and I believe the lightbulb in his head went on. He had always told me he was Bi-polar, I believe he said this because he was unaware or uneducated about P/S's. In the end I blocked his email and phone. I have done a little cyberstalking and found that none of his social media sites have been updated since the breakup. A few weird occurrence have happened that have let me to believe that he may be watching but I'm not sure. Well anyway I just wanted to respond to your honest evaluation of our romance. I have not dated in 3 years, not even myself LOL!
Best,
J