Allison , it seems we're in similar stages. I decided to let my husband go a couple of days ago. He isn't psychopathic but had and is still enwrapped in an affair with a psychopathic woman. He tried for a over a month to come back to me and she won't release him. He is a different man after being with her. I am seriously worried about him but I just can't take his behaviors and his inability to cut her off despite he says he hates her. I feel he is a different man and I too am mourning who he was and what we had together.

I'm sorry to hear that. I had a friendship with a P and he was trying to get me to have an affair. I had known this friend for a really long time. Yes, I behaved inappropriately, but when it came down to it, I couldn't go through with it. He didn't like being told no, so he raped me. That's when the blinders came off. That moment.

I can only hope your husband has a moment of clarity. I feel for you.

So now, we grieve.

Death would have been an easier process that the pain from a PSN relationship. He brought me to my knees, literally, in grief. It does get better, it just takes some time. I hated that when people further out in recovery would tell me that at my beginning recovery. It is true. Now, I just wish he would actually die to prevent hurting more people. I think I would bake a cake for myself.

LiveinTruth - you take the cake with that cake line at the end. You got me to chuckle this morning. thanks. :)

I would so love to bake all us cakes.

I have also encountered this feeling in recent days. But a little differently. I have been divorced and freed from my ex P/N H for almost 5 years. At the time, I did not view it as a loss, but rather as freeing myself and my children. Of course, I get that I lost my husband and my marriage. And when I really, really understood who he was, especially when the mask came off post-divorce while co-parenting, I mourned the loss of what I had thought was true -- love, in it together, family, etc.

But what I did not realize I had also lost was our lifestyle together. I partly married him because he fit what I wanted my life to be. We did things together, lots of things. We got each other, I thought. Now that I am finally recovered mostly, I am getting out and doing some of the same things. I am acutely aware that I am doing them alone. I am in a new and wonderful relationship with a truly loving, caring man, not a N or P. But his interests are different, and so I no longer have someone to share much of what I like to do. It's OK because we each value our time doing things that matter to us, more appropriate in an older person's relationship where we each had our own lives before, but I still miss the togetherness for things to do. I know I can (and have for years) done them alone, and can go with friends. But by gosh, I found someone to marry who liked to do things with me, and I wanted that a lot, and so I am angry that I have lost that too, with all the rest. Go figure! Knowing who my ex is!

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE! I'VE STARTED A CONFUSION (WILL SETTLE IN) GOGGLE SITE ON MY PREDATOR...LOUNITA IHRIG....28 YEARS OF HIS PAPERTRAIL...MY ADULT SON IS HIS VICTIM AGAIN....