Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
It is easy to talk about my experience with psychopaths/sociopaths (pick your favorite terminology), but no one seems to understand what I'm talking about. Only people who've had one or more life-shattering experience with these non-humans (and have been astute enough to recognize it) can ever understand.
I am hoping some of you fit into the "astute" category.
Let me get this straight. I come from a family of high-functioning loonies. I hope I am one of the least crazy people in my family, but ya never know. My mother has a "selective" view of reality and my father was manic depressive, so I learned to figure out people at a tender young age. My mother is not a psychosociopath and I don't think anyone in my bio family is a psychosociopath, so even though I can spot people's weaknesses in a semi-psychic way, I never had much up-close experience with psychosociopath animals until I married into a family with a mother-daughter team.
I can deal with that. I knew there was something wrong with those two people. I can deal with almost anything. For most of my 20-year marriage, I thought the problem was my mother in law. I recently found out that my sister in law was behind most of the problems, even though my ex MIL and ex SIL are definitely psychosociopaths. They controlled my ex big-time. When I tell people how my ex-husband's (Jewish) mother controls him, they always say something sage like, "Jewish mothers are like that," but they have no clue. (My non-psychosociopath husband's erratic behaviors started making sense the more I read about psychosociopaths.)
If I had no children, I would forget about those two vampiras and hope to dance on their graves someday soon. Fortunately, I do have two wonderful daughters from my marriage in hell.
Unfortunately, my children have been under the influence of the mother-daughter team for years... especially since the divorce. I thought the mother-daughter team was just trying to hurt me all these years by turning my daughters against me, but I now know the team is far worse, far more insidious than I ever expected.
Backstory - a few simple examples that don't require a lot of explanation:
Mother:
1. The mother used to cheat at Candyland (the game) when she played it with her children.
2. The mother told my ex in front of her other children REPEATEDLY that he (my ex) was her favorite... making all of the kids hate each other and making all of her kids do everything possible to get their mother's love... with the exception of the psychosociopath sister who I now know is incapable of love.
Sister:
1. The sister lightly, but visciously, punched me in the stomach years ago when I was pregnant, trying to make me miscarry without leaving any bruises.
2. The sister found ways to get my eldest daughter to break up with several truly wonderful boyfriends, because, if my daughter married well, my daughter would be a threat to the sister.... even though the sister lives in Beverly Hills and has everything any little psychosociopath's heart could desire.
Here's my problem. The sister has been working on controlling my younger daughter and my ex (more directly) now that the mother is old and frail and ready to make the world a better place by dying.
Trust me. These folks are dangerous... both physically and psychologically to my kids.
Ever since I found out the truth about this mother-daughter team and how they have been using everyone in the family and everyone they know to get my children to mistrust me, I have wanted them to die. (Don't worry. I'm not going to kill them.) And, I constantly think about how to protect my children.
Both children are somewhat dependent on my ex's financial help at this point. (The evil team has done everything possible to help my ex, a non-psychosociopath, find ways to bankrupt me, giving them more power over my kids.)
I can't undo the years of brainwashing done to my children. I can't undo all the bad decisions my kids have made based on their aunt's helpful advice. All I want to do is to get my kids away from these toxic people. I don't know how. I don't know if it's possible.
My oldest daughter has seen the light, but she still needs some help from her dad and she still loves her grandmother.
My youngest daughter is under her aunt's spell and thinks her aunt is going to help her get a job when she finishes college. My youngest's fiance thinks the aunt is great and will help them both.
I feel a little better having told someone. I don't think there's an answer. I've talked to shrinks, but no one seems to understand what I'm dealing with. My current husband has heard my rants, but he is clueless.
Any ideas? There is a wedding coming up. I may have to see the ex-SIL and I don't want to cause problems for my kids by doing something to my ex-SIL... or saying something that will let that witch know that I'm on to her and I understand how dangerous she is. I'm sorry this post is so long, but I'm at the end of my rope. I can only hope someone else figures these horrid people out and takes them down.
I am hoping some of you fit into the "astute" category.
Let me get this straight. I come from a family of high-functioning loonies. I hope I am one of the least crazy people in my family, but ya never know. My mother has a "selective" view of reality and my father was manic depressive, so I learned to figure out people at a tender young age. My mother is not a psychosociopath and I don't think anyone in my bio family is a psychosociopath, so even though I can spot people's weaknesses in a semi-psychic way, I never had much up-close experience with psychosociopath animals until I married into a family with a mother-daughter team.
I can deal with that. I knew there was something wrong with those two people. I can deal with almost anything. For most of my 20-year marriage, I thought the problem was my mother in law. I recently found out that my sister in law was behind most of the problems, even though my ex MIL and ex SIL are definitely psychosociopaths. They controlled my ex big-time. When I tell people how my ex-husband's (Jewish) mother controls him, they always say something sage like, "Jewish mothers are like that," but they have no clue. (My non-psychosociopath husband's erratic behaviors started making sense the more I read about psychosociopaths.)
If I had no children, I would forget about those two vampiras and hope to dance on their graves someday soon. Fortunately, I do have two wonderful daughters from my marriage in hell.
Unfortunately, my children have been under the influence of the mother-daughter team for years... especially since the divorce. I thought the mother-daughter team was just trying to hurt me all these years by turning my daughters against me, but I now know the team is far worse, far more insidious than I ever expected.
Backstory - a few simple examples that don't require a lot of explanation:
Mother:
1. The mother used to cheat at Candyland (the game) when she played it with her children.
2. The mother told my ex in front of her other children REPEATEDLY that he (my ex) was her favorite... making all of the kids hate each other and making all of her kids do everything possible to get their mother's love... with the exception of the psychosociopath sister who I now know is incapable of love.
Sister:
1. The sister lightly, but visciously, punched me in the stomach years ago when I was pregnant, trying to make me miscarry without leaving any bruises.
2. The sister found ways to get my eldest daughter to break up with several truly wonderful boyfriends, because, if my daughter married well, my daughter would be a threat to the sister.... even though the sister lives in Beverly Hills and has everything any little psychosociopath's heart could desire.
Here's my problem. The sister has been working on controlling my younger daughter and my ex (more directly) now that the mother is old and frail and ready to make the world a better place by dying.
Trust me. These folks are dangerous... both physically and psychologically to my kids.
Ever since I found out the truth about this mother-daughter team and how they have been using everyone in the family and everyone they know to get my children to mistrust me, I have wanted them to die. (Don't worry. I'm not going to kill them.) And, I constantly think about how to protect my children.
Both children are somewhat dependent on my ex's financial help at this point. (The evil team has done everything possible to help my ex, a non-psychosociopath, find ways to bankrupt me, giving them more power over my kids.)
I can't undo the years of brainwashing done to my children. I can't undo all the bad decisions my kids have made based on their aunt's helpful advice. All I want to do is to get my kids away from these toxic people. I don't know how. I don't know if it's possible.
My oldest daughter has seen the light, but she still needs some help from her dad and she still loves her grandmother.
My youngest daughter is under her aunt's spell and thinks her aunt is going to help her get a job when she finishes college. My youngest's fiance thinks the aunt is great and will help them both.
I feel a little better having told someone. I don't think there's an answer. I've talked to shrinks, but no one seems to understand what I'm dealing with. My current husband has heard my rants, but he is clueless.
Any ideas? There is a wedding coming up. I may have to see the ex-SIL and I don't want to cause problems for my kids by doing something to my ex-SIL... or saying something that will let that witch know that I'm on to her and I understand how dangerous she is. I'm sorry this post is so long, but I'm at the end of my rope. I can only hope someone else figures these horrid people out and takes them down.
I was writing a little too fast, thinking I would edit later.
Any thoughts, ideas, words of encouragement (coming from victims who understand how much I am understating the problem) would be amazing. NO ONE understands. I have to run, but I'll be watching for replies.
When I said I came from a crazy family, it was a joke. You don't have to be afraid of me.
It's true that my dad was bi-polar, but he was fine most of the time. I think he made the whole family a little nuts. It's hard for a family when we don't know what to expect.
It must be horrid to find out your husband/boyfriend/girlfriend has been lying to you every day, I cannot imagine. However, in-laws, who controlled my marriage through my husband, were almost as bad. I never knew what kind of off-the-wall BS my husband was going to pull on me. I thought it was him. It was them. If I had known it was them, I could have found a way to cope and keep the family together.
I guess anyone who grew up with a Psycho-Socio-path mother and sister would grow up traumatized and distrust his wife. Are there any support groups that aren't for romantic psycho-socio victims? (Sorry. I don't know the abbreviations. I'm unclear of the clinical differences of psychopaths and sociopaths.)
I changed states to get my kids away from that family.
Once you have kids, they know how to destroy you. You can never get away... even when the kids are grown. I wish I knew how to keep those people away from my kids. Those psychopathic women are so charismatic. I'm just not able to compete for my children's love. It breaks my heart.
My approach is, and always has been, to call a bitch a bitch, to their face, or if not to their face then to someone that it will get back to them by (my approach with my MIL). I don't have children, so I just boycott her and now also her enabling husband.
With children though, I think it is important not to let their demeanour of being charismatic twinkle in your eyes like a magician using smoke and mirrors. I know their is no point trying to engage these people in a conversation about their behavior, because they can just howl you down (like one of my older sisters does - the other sisters and brother is great).
The best thing I can think of is if you write down your experiences with them in the form of historical documentation, print it out and give it to your daughter and her boyfriend to read, making sure you mention the times and ways you, your husband and daughter/s have had your lives and happiness messed with by their attitude and actions / meddling. Tell them what you have shared here, but in more detail, in the form of writing so that they can take time to read it, have emotional fallout - perhaps, but the next day / week or maybe sometime later you can only hope they will be able to see it as the truth. Be prepared for them to share it with the bitches and for them to verbalise you, as long as you have warned them, you have done the best you can. And make sure to tell your children that whatever road they choose to take, whomever they take advice from - good or bad, you will always be there for them.
At the wedding, smile demurely, chat with the people you do like and pray to God for strength.
I have already told myself a hundred times to "smile demurely, etc." at the wedding, but I still hope my daughter will elope. If you knew the details of my story, you would understand why it will be difficult to face those people without saying something to them. God, it will be hard, but I will do it for my kids.
Actually, I feel a lot better after writing here. I have never found anyone in my life who understands what these people are capable of doing to others. It's scary shit. All I want to do is slap those bitches and expose them to the world, but then I would look like a psycho, wouldn't I?
I'm sure it will all be better after a few more weeks. It just takes a while to get over the horror of figuring these monsters out.
Whenever I talk about how I hate those two, I start to sound crazy. My current husband thinks I'm inventing the whole thing... and exaggerating how bad those people are. I am not. If I told you my story, you would be shocked and you would know I'm a saint for putting up with those people for the sake of my children. Anyhow, I think everything will be good once I process the fact that they are evil soulless gouls and I get used to the whole thing. Thanks.
God bless and good luck to you dear, I hope you have lots of nice days and that your current husband gets just scorched enough to know your not lying. My husband didn't know what his mum was like because she only treated the girls that way and was very sly and sneaky about it, he found out from me because I was determined to out the bitch no matter how innocent and confused an expression she chose to put on. He said - I wondered why all my other girl-friends left me, I thought there was something wrong with me whereas she was trying to get rid of me behind his back and rang up my mother to tells tales on me for influencing her son badly, um, it was only sex no cocaine that we were into. OMG.
Is an eye opener to what is probably in store for my adorable innocent grand babies.
Ex's "little sister," the baby of the family and the only girl was equally unbearable. She invited herself, at least monthly, to spend days in my home, dragging along her 3 boys, their Daisy shotguns and 4-wheelers, blasting their hideous shoot 'em up videos throughout my home, running up and down the stairs shouting early in the morning while I tried to sleep. SIL (God rest her soul, heh heh) enjoyed make loud self-righteous pronouncements about what a lousy wife I was to her wonderful (psychopathic) brother.
I didn't shed a tear when "Dolly," the mother, died at 55 and SIL died at 44, both of cancer. My daughters were teens when MIL left the planet, and twenty-somethings when SIL followed. I am thankful that neither of these N women showed ANY interest in my kids ever, and that they are no longer around.
Having them in your in-law configuration is a special kind of hell. Having to tolerate people that turn your stomach is no picnic. Your situation is even worse as the 2 have ingratiated themselves into your daughter's lives. I don't have any advice, just lots and lots of sympathy. I hope you find a way to have peace with this.