After the fire which burnt the house nearly to the ground, I have also been displaced and nothing feels familiar...my partner is in jail, my pets have been re-homed because of her, my house & belongings of 19 yrs that were memories and an extension of myself...ALL GONE. I look around and feel like an alien plucked me from everything I once knew and dropped me alone in a desert with no map....

Isn't it scary how they take everything from you?

I'll tell you why you feel this way. It's because you're a human with feelings. You have a heart. Someone came into your life and 'woke' those feelings. I know it's very hard right now, but you'll feel better three months from today. You'll look back and wonder how you got through this.

I look back at my experience now, and I'm so happy to be free from him. Guess what?? You learn to avoid these type of people, too. I've gone no contact with a few friends, too. Your mind starts to study people, and you learn to say 'no' to protect yourself.



I read your story earlier. Wow! I was at loss for words. You've been through a lot. Do you know what you are today??? You're a survivor.

We supply them so they can feel better about themselves. They're empty vessels. Emotional vampires.

A friend told me, "He wants your soul." I'll never forget this. It's true! They take and take and take from you...it is never enough. They don't appreciate anything. They're selfish!!! One day, I think you'll know what I mean. To me...they're all monsters disguised as humans.

Thank you Yve63.

I have been through enough of life to know you are right...logic tells me one thing, and yet my heart struggles. But you are absolutely on target with she "wants your soul".... Thanx for the support. Even though it IS hard, I thank God for people like you and this site for giving me a place to turn to. Again, thank you for being here.

firelit, Something that helps me is walking and praying through the walk. I start with the Lord's prayer and then lift up my heart and concerns to God. Also, my daily yoga practice as the stretches cause tension to be released from my body and the movements cause me to breathe more deeply and slowly. Keeping a dream journal and working thrugh my dreams is also helpful. And therapy--therapy is very important.

I think that's a great idea kris.
The victim's advocate from the D.A.s office really advocates stretching and walking to release the tension in the muscles. I will make it a priority this week to do this and see if it helps.
A dream journal is interesting...I had a dream last night that my mattress was on fire while I was sleeping (sleeping in my dream...hahaaha...silly brains). But I woke up (from my dream sleep) and put it out, but it was just in time...the smoke started and I didn't have a smoke alarm and my door was shut...when I actually woke up, I was sweating and anxious and scared...
and the other night I woke up to a giant explosion and seriously thought it was real...my therapist mentioned that I could be having auditory hallucinations or some kind of auditory flashbacks...I don't know, but I know I never used to have dreams of fire and explosions. Maybe a journal would help....

Firelit I'm so sorry what has happened to you. We have all been through the psychopathic experience and we understand...however your story is more extreme than most!

I would like to make a small suggestion: stop referring to your psychopath as your partner. Your partner is not in jail. The psychopath who destroyed your life is. Partner implies a team. A partner is someone who supports you, who is there for you, who cares about how you are doing. A psychopath fools you into believing they are your partner so they can attempt to destroy you.

You are grieving everything you lost. Everything she made you believe you had. In addition to that, you're also grieving the things you DID have. A home, stability, peace of mind etc.

A journal can help, both for your weird dreams you are having, but also for releasing negative feelings and energy that you have. This site has an online journal that you can use and you can either make it private or public to the members here, it's your choice. I see the weird dreams as a way for your subconscious to express and release your fears around the things that have happened to you. I used to have weird dreams when I was with my ex socio. Many many dreams of him cheating (because he was and I kept forgiving him and denying to myself the extend of what was happening, until I figured it all out). I also had lots of dreams about snakes. When I was a child I had bad dreams about my P father. Him trying to kill me, him blowing up our house, evil dreams of him. And he was a dangerous person. I believe when we are fearful of someone or something this is all expressed in our dreams. It helps to write these things down and express how we feel about them. I would even suggest doing this journalling at a time well before you are going to sleep. Not right before you sleep. Then, if you can, before sleep try thinking about the things you are grateful for. (your pets, your job, being alive, etc). Start small if you have to and try to think of more new things every day. This could have a positive impact on your dreams before you go to bed. And gratitude has an amazing power to bring good into our lives (like attracts like, so being grateful for what you have helps you attract more into your life to be grateful for).

I hope your P is prosecuted to the fullest extent, and that you can find peace in your life again. Hang in there! Some days will be horrible, but some will also be good, and eventually with time you'll have more good days than bad again. *hugs*

Good point...I actually didn't realize I was doing that! "partner" is only my illusion and language seems important here in order to help my brain redefine all that seemed real at the time. Thanks for the suggestions in terms of journaling and dreams. I'll try that today/tonight. I hear others who know my story say how extreme this situation is and yet I still don't feel that level of intensity on a conscious level - that may be why my dreams are telling me it's real and trying to bring it forward. I am in counseling. We are working on all this, but it seems I have delayed response to most of this because it is just too much to absorb. Today is a better day than yesterday and I will take comfort in knowing time can heal.

firelit, You made a very real point. When somethng horrific has happened to you, you are somewhat numbed to the magnitude of it. The human mind does this to protect you from having to face the horror all at once. I have many survivor of disaster stories, 911 survivors, shooting rampage survivors, etc,.because I am interested in the human response to disaster. I have read that over and over, "It didn't really hit me..." "It didn't seem real..." "I think I was numb..." I think that is certainly true in your case. You seem very relaxed given what has happened to you. Your story is the worst I have read in the year I have been here.I do think alot of the horror went into your subconscious, where you will be called upon to deal with it in smaller bits.

Kris is right. I think it's a survival mechanism for us. It took me a long time to really get angry about the things I experienced at the hands of P's. I think part of me was in denial about it, or parts of it. I understand what you mean about you don't have the level of intensity on a conscious level. I think sometimes we do tend to become "numb" to the things that happen to us when we've experienced trauma. Due to living with a psychopathic father for my entire childhood I learned to stuff my emotions. I did not learn how to really express emotion in a healthy way. I still don't entirely know. And I mean all emotion, not just the "negative ones" like anger or sadness. I realized this when I took my first trip to Mexico. It was my first trip out of the country, my first big vacation. I was going with my mom and she was soooo excited and she kept asking why I didn't seem to be excited. I was happy but I didn't feel that same intense level of excitement that she did and I kept saying that I would get excited once I got there. But even when we got there I didn't have that same level of excitement that she did.

Whenever I have told friends some of the things I endured when I was a child, they get visibly angry, shocked, dismayed. And yet there I am telling them all this like it's someone else's story or a story I saw on the news. I don't display a lot of emotion when I tell my story.

Be patient with yourself though. Someone else taught me that when we are healing from these things, "it takes as long as it takes". There is no pressure to fix it all or deal with it all at once. It's not an "as soon as possible" scenario and we are not on a timeline.. We all come to terms with things and heal in our own time and in our own ways.

All the responses I'm reading are so right on in terms of how I feel right now...thank you for caring enough to communicate your thoughts. I also notice that at times I'M the one who feels guilty when it should be her! I think it's because I feel like I should've known or sensed that I was in danger....and that somehow I didn't help HER from herself - sickens me as I write this, but if I don't express these seemingly insane thoughts then I know it is harder to heal and to know the truth. If I hadn't believed her outrageous lies, then none of this would've happened. If I had stood up and trusted my intuition at the times it was trying to tell me something is wrong...If I wasn't so scared of breaking up because I knew she had no money and nowhere to go...If, if, if, if.... If I wasn't soooo stupid.... I'm beating myself up for my "part" in all of this and rarely feel the anger yet...except when the impact of starting over in a new place without my dogs hits me. I need a safety pin and realize I don't have one, I look for my favorite sweater and it's gone...on and on...the fire destroyed almost everything including gifts/memories from my children. Why do I feel guilty??!!!

Firelit I think it's a common thing sometimes for victims of psychopaths to feel guilty or blame themselves for not seeing the signs, not leaving sooner, etc. I felt the same. I have a psychology degree, I have a psychopathic father, so why did it take me 10 months to leave him? Because of the lies.

Psychopaths draw you in with charm and a false identity, and when you start to realize things are wrong they twist things, manipulate, to convince you everything is just fine. They convince you that if there is a problem, YOU are the problem...it is your issues, not them or anything they are doing. It's all crazy-making. Meanwhile your mind is totally confused about what's going on and you're trying to figure it all out. Questioning yourself, your experiences, your interpretation of experiences or things the psychopath has said. Until finally you come full circle again and realize no, it was THEM, always has been, always will be.

We beat ourselves up for not reacting sooner, not leaving sooner, not saying more, etc. Likely it will take time for the anger to really hit you. For me it took a long time to finally get angry.

But you have nothing to feel guilty for. You did nothing wrong. You are human, you were manipulated and lied to, and what you went through is still so hard to believe. It will take you time to wrap your mind around all of it. Like I said before, be patient with yourself. Everything you are experiencing is normal for anyone who has been a victim of a psychopath.

Thank you eternity...It's reassuring to know this is all a normal reaction to a crazy situation! Hearing from others about all this has definitely been invaluable for me. It helps to have teachers guide me along a path they have already travelled.