Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
I've always been a person who likes to be involved with people before the destruction from my ex-H-uNPD/Psychopath/BPD got so bad and I divorced him, emerging mostly from the transition just over 2 years ago. I'm still coming out on the other side, including just starting to recover from complex PTSD.
So I've been surprised to realize that I really feel relieved and relaxed to be alone, not lonely much at all. I like it. At the moment, I have fewer people in my life who genuinely care for me less of the time than ever before. But that does not bother me. I prefer it right now to going out to meet more friends or reconnect more with old ones. It's been a puzzle. Of course, I know I get to miss the old tensions and negativity, but it seemed more than that -- like maybe I wanted this to be the new normal. I suddenly understand monks, hermits, and cave dwellers.
It finally hit me why. Before, when I was so down, and married and interdependent on my destructive then-H, everything was so negative. Living alone and calmly without problems and drama all the time is like a zero line. Everything before was negative, less than zero, like a negative number. So, going from negative to zero is kind of like going from zero to positive, something most "normal" people do all the time, or try to. Seen in that light, I am making progress. I've removed the negative, and so the zero seems like a positive.
I'm not wallowing in victimhood. I've beat myself up for barely surviving, not really as good as before, and certainly not thriving. But I'm out of victimhood, out of learned helplessness, and coming out of complex PTSD. So, I am improving. It's not nothing.
We humans are generally risk-averse. We fear going negative more than attaining more positive. So, I guess I've made the bigger transition. I guess the good news is that when I am ready to move upward again, I'll still have adding the positive to look forward to.
Does anyone else feel this way? Or have suggestions of when you were ready to stop being isolated? Or how to get away from that feeling?
So I've been surprised to realize that I really feel relieved and relaxed to be alone, not lonely much at all. I like it. At the moment, I have fewer people in my life who genuinely care for me less of the time than ever before. But that does not bother me. I prefer it right now to going out to meet more friends or reconnect more with old ones. It's been a puzzle. Of course, I know I get to miss the old tensions and negativity, but it seemed more than that -- like maybe I wanted this to be the new normal. I suddenly understand monks, hermits, and cave dwellers.
It finally hit me why. Before, when I was so down, and married and interdependent on my destructive then-H, everything was so negative. Living alone and calmly without problems and drama all the time is like a zero line. Everything before was negative, less than zero, like a negative number. So, going from negative to zero is kind of like going from zero to positive, something most "normal" people do all the time, or try to. Seen in that light, I am making progress. I've removed the negative, and so the zero seems like a positive.
I'm not wallowing in victimhood. I've beat myself up for barely surviving, not really as good as before, and certainly not thriving. But I'm out of victimhood, out of learned helplessness, and coming out of complex PTSD. So, I am improving. It's not nothing.
We humans are generally risk-averse. We fear going negative more than attaining more positive. So, I guess I've made the bigger transition. I guess the good news is that when I am ready to move upward again, I'll still have adding the positive to look forward to.
Does anyone else feel this way? Or have suggestions of when you were ready to stop being isolated? Or how to get away from that feeling?
Thanks (!!) for letting me know that I may be preparing for new people and new things to come into my life. That's what I hope, but I just can't see it yet. Yes, I have been letting my life be run more by fate in recent years. I really hope you do not find you have cancer, and that you can find peace.
Glad to hear it, BooClouds!