For me, every day is different. Sometimes every hour. The emotions change constantly to recognition of what he is to missing him. Grief is a time of rapidly changing emotions. I had to guard myself against acting on any of them. As well, my fear of him changes too. My P has a dangerous background as well. At one point I was really afraid he would come after me to do me harm. My friends told me to have NC & to keep that awareness in the back of my head; too always be aware of my surroundings and if he so much as said something wrong to me to get a restraining order.

Welcome Halfaheart,
I'm so sorry you are in this painful place in your life. It worries me that you say 'of course it's all my fault and he had no choice', is this what he has said?? Please don't feel blamed, not by him, and especially by yourself! The relationship has failed because he is incapable of having a real relationship with anyone. I know how terrible missing a sociopath can feel, but the only way you can move on is to start 'no contact' and trying to keep him calm isn't good for your recovery. Can I suggest boxing up all his stuff and taking it somewhere neutral so he has no reason to come near you? I delivered all my ex's stuff to his office and left it there with his colleague watching.
If you can show you are serious about no contact and stop going him the satisfaction of playing his game it's possible he will get bored (as they are constantly bored in their pathetic excuse for a life) and may leave you alone. If not, you need to call the Police if he physically comes near and Taralong's friends are right - get a restraining order.
Try to surround yourself with family and friends and, if you are like me, having this group to help you when you feel like sobbing is amazing, as it helps to know there are such kind people who really understand.
Wishing you strength and calm

Thanks ladies. I appreciate your advice. I know I did nothing to warrant the break up (rather sudden as it was- he just went to get something out of his car and left me and called 3 hours later to tell me) but he is blaming me anyway, I miss him something fierce and it wont go away, I have contact with him... even today. he did some work for me to earn '$45 at myother property. he claims he is flat broke- but i was so terrible to live with that he was forced to leave me, and go live with his friend who is a homosexual induvidual. i contacted a long-time friend of his on again/off again roommate and was told my S was known to them as a gay man. he acted extremely "against" gay people during our relationship of 10 months, openly hostile to them at times. he had lived with this man prior to moving in with me, but he said the guy was coming on to him and he hated him and had nowhere to go..so I took him in to the shock of every one around me. (they were all thinking; how could I date this guy who is 21 years younger, a felon, with a tattoo that covers half of his face and several on his body??) he made me think I was the most beautiful, sexy, smart, funny person he ever knew, and the best girlfriend EVER...hahaha I knew it was too good to be true! i bought him a car, and tons of other things. i dont care about the items...I just want my heart back!

Hi, welcome to the group, sorry to hear your story -it's a familiar one that many people here will be able to identify with. I know you probably don't want to hear it, or even imagine it, but if your ex is a S/P you really will be better having zero contact with him, as already suggested by people. These people seem to stick around and leech of us until there is absolutely nothing left - emotionally and financially. They often din't respond well to no contact either so be wary if that's what you decide to do. His blaming you is common, an S/P is incapable of admitting responsibility. Therefore closure is hard and you are unlikely to find it -keeping him close will more than likely cause you more misery and not offer you any closure /explanation. If it helps, my gay friends all thought that my ex P was gay -they thought that he flirted with them etc, and from what I've read their sexuality is often interchangable because they will use whatever facilitates them getting what they want from people -they don't actually have a personality of their own. Wishing you all the best during these difficult weeks. Hopefully looking over the articles on here will really help.

Beth

Here's a couple of websites that may answer your question better than me!

http://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/2011/03/16/why-go-no-contact-with-the-psychopath/


http://www.lovefraud.com/12_leavingAsociopath/sociopath_no_contact.html

Hi again,
Beth is right, he will keep using you until you stop letting him. This will sound like tough love, but until you can be honest with yourself about why you still have contact and stop worrying about his financial problems etc, then you will not stop missing him or be able to start healing. The reason a lot of us are vulnerable to sociopaths is that we are naturally inclined to be generous and put other's needs first, but now we need to learn to care for ourselves as the priority. No contact is the only way, as you deserve much better than him and feeling like this! If he made you feel sexy, smart and funny it can only be because deep down you knew those things were true anyway.