It was a year ago this week that I kicked my ex boyfriend/sociopath out of my house and out of my life. It still boggles my mind re: the magnitude of deception I endured, and still makes me wonder if I can ever trust a man in my life again. I met my ex online on OK Cupid and it was a whirlwind romance. Not knowing about the "love bombing" period of a relationship with a sociopath, I thought maybe I had finally met THE guy and that it was my time to be in a loving, authentic relationship. NOT. He claimed to have come to LA to care for his aging grandmother. A lie. He seemed so great. Tall, handsome, dynamic, funny, intelligent- all the hallmarks of a socio. He immersed himself quickly and naturally into my life. He met my friends, my family, my coworkers, and my clients. Everyone loved him and said what a striking and perfect couple we made. Ahhh, appearances. We had an absolutely great time together and it seemed very natural that he moved in with me. I basically supported us financially, because I made way more money than he did, but that was not a big deal to me. Maybe it should have been. The funny thing is, even up until the time I kicked him out of my life, we NEVER fought. He never raised his voice to me, nor I to him. After some post relationship research, I discovered that he does, like all sociopaths, have the capacity for violence, it just never surfaced with me - thank god! I dodged many, many bullets with him. I know this. I am lucky. I know this, too. It just doesn't help heal my broken heart. :( Also, don't get me wrong, I didn't realize it at the time, but there was a HUGE amount of "crazy-making" behavior on his part. I didn't realize how incredibly fucking stressful it was to be in a relationship with him until it was over. It was always some kind of drama with him. Past family tragedy. Socio...check. Lying. Socio...check. Personal ongoing tragedy and bad luck. Job issues. Current family drama (which was all make believe so that he could see other women, while pretending to deal with the drama) but nevertheless, very realistically presented. World class actor. Socio-check. He was working in logistics, and then was unemployed for about 6 months in our relationship. I work full time and run a music company. For real, he was basically home with me 5-6 nights a week except for the times he went to visit his (fictitious) grandmother. I never met her because, at the time, I was dealing with my aging mother who was declining rapidly and who passed away while I was still in the relationship with the socio. I didn't need another nasty senior citizen to deal with. I didn't push to meet her. My bad. He portrayed his grandma t be a bit of a racist. He is black. I am white.
So, basically, everything about him from family history, marital history, job, education, everything, is a lie. He didn't exist as the man he presented himself to be. WOW. In addition, he spent ALL of his time while not with me, cheating on me with multiple, multiple women. It turns out that he has 3 children that he never acknowledged - he said he always wanted kids but that his ex wife wasn't ready to have kids. Lie. He has two daughters with her that he apparently abandoned, as well as a child with another random woman (possibly more) who was an an infant (and in the LA area) while we were together. Everything blew up when a mistress of his emailed a co-worker of mine with a message about him to forward to me. It said that she was seeing him over the summer of 2011 and that she thought he may be lying to her. He told HER that he wanted to marry her and take care of her kids, but that he was living with his grandmother and he couldn't leave her. That was when he was living with me. So he eventually dumped her and she was pissed! So she contacted me. I kicked him out that night, but thought he was just a garden variety cheater. Not. I also found his next victim through his Facebook and warned her. She broke up with him immediately. He has not been in contact with me. Thank god. Except for a couple of texts that i ignored. He has no idea what I've found out about him, and I will never tell him. I will not pull the tiger by the tail! He has been stalking the woman I warned about him - she blocked his number. I know that he may resurface at sometime - he knows where I live, where I work, etc. but I will maintain an absolute NO CONTACT rule with him. Again, I know I am so very lucky compared to others' experiences with sociopaths, but it still rocked my world and made up seem down and down seem up. OK. I am done ranting. It's just sad, and hard to move on. It sucks that I feel so weak. For all outward appearances, I have my shit together, but I don't... Please tell me that it gets easier to deal with at some point...

DL