Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
Hey, there, guys! Sorry for the long post. I recently posted about my two exes that I assume have PD´s but recently I started thinking that my mom might have an NPD. Let me explain.
My mom is very controlling and can be abusive, all under the disguise of "care". She used to be much worse though than she is now, that´s why I think maybe she matured a bit or just learned how to hide it better. She made my life a living hell while I was 18-22. She forced me into studying something that I didn´t want to study. She never allowed me to work because according to her "logic", if I get the money, I won´t want to study anymore (and that´s very important to her - high status). I did work while studying, but she never allowed me to spend my money, she paid everything for me, cause she wanted me to save it. When I wanted to quit my studies (marketing) at the third year, she started shouting on me, insulting me, calling me a "whore" even though I was a virgin at that time. She was also forbidding me to date this one guy I dated (that might have been a good idea actually, cause he turned out to be a psychopath - I told you the story), would call me on the phone a 1000 times if I didn´t come home on time, etc. I had no freedom. My mom is very sensitive to criticism and would rage at ridiculous stuff, for example she once claimed she was an "expert in plum picking", we all thought she was joking because there is no such thing as an "expert in plum picking" and started laughing, she then exploded in rage. She stopped raging though recently, that´s why I think she matured a bit.
I have to mention that her relationship with my father is horrible. They fight all the time, sometimes even to the point of throwing things at each other. I told them a million times they should get a divorce, but they don´t want to, and if I suggest they tell me to stop interfering into their lives (as if that shouldn´t concern me ?)
My parents are rather loners. They don´t have much friends. My mom has like 2 friends that she sees maybe once in two months. I noticed her "friendships" are rather superficial, she is talkative, but rather closed/fake. My dad doesn´t even have friends, more like colleagues. (She seems to have a problem with my more social and spontaneous nature.)
So, when I was 23, I basically ran away to another country (country where I spent my childhood), but because of the language barriers (I´m not fluent in the language) I had difficulties finding a job. The only jobs I could find were waitressing, etc. which I didn´t really like. I never quit the contact with her. Maybe I should have, but my family is just very connected to each other, and that would have been really horrible for them. One thing that really pissed me off is that she sent my dad to the city I moved to and he came after me, found a job there etc. to "help me". I got really pissed because I don´t need help and that was more like "control" not "help". My dad is also under her control, he basically has no say, he has to do everything she says.
She seemed to change after that though. It hurt her a lot, because I´m an only child and I even told her that I ran away from her because "she is so horrible." So, she changed her story a bit. She is not so aggressive anymore. But, now I´m in a situation again, where I think she manipulates me again but much more subtly than before.
She would still convince me over the phone that I shouldn´t be taking jobs that are "underneath my level". I basically agreed in a way, cause I really wasn´t happy waitressing, and I also have many (business) ideas that I would like to do, but don´t have enough money to invest. So, somehow I got under her roof again and I went back to studies, to finish marketing (because I think that would land me a better job, to finally be totally financially independent of her). Thing is, I´m usually pretty confident and an open person, but ever since i got back to live with her, I feel restricted somehow and unfree. She isn´t treating me bad currently (she doesn´t allow me to drive by myself, I have to fight for the car if i want to drive it ), but that´s about it. Still, I don´t FEEL good, as it is something subconsciously that I can´t really put a finger on it and I know I would feel so much better if I were away. Why is that? Could she be a narcissist or are we just two very different people that don´t get along and can´t live together?
I feel like, even though I tried to, I still didn´t solve the problem with her. Stupid money problems. I should have played smarter. I have a feeling like that would probably continue (her controlling behaviour) into the future. Cause, to be honest, all my "choices" now are basically HER choices...
My mom is very controlling and can be abusive, all under the disguise of "care". She used to be much worse though than she is now, that´s why I think maybe she matured a bit or just learned how to hide it better. She made my life a living hell while I was 18-22. She forced me into studying something that I didn´t want to study. She never allowed me to work because according to her "logic", if I get the money, I won´t want to study anymore (and that´s very important to her - high status). I did work while studying, but she never allowed me to spend my money, she paid everything for me, cause she wanted me to save it. When I wanted to quit my studies (marketing) at the third year, she started shouting on me, insulting me, calling me a "whore" even though I was a virgin at that time. She was also forbidding me to date this one guy I dated (that might have been a good idea actually, cause he turned out to be a psychopath - I told you the story), would call me on the phone a 1000 times if I didn´t come home on time, etc. I had no freedom. My mom is very sensitive to criticism and would rage at ridiculous stuff, for example she once claimed she was an "expert in plum picking", we all thought she was joking because there is no such thing as an "expert in plum picking" and started laughing, she then exploded in rage. She stopped raging though recently, that´s why I think she matured a bit.
I have to mention that her relationship with my father is horrible. They fight all the time, sometimes even to the point of throwing things at each other. I told them a million times they should get a divorce, but they don´t want to, and if I suggest they tell me to stop interfering into their lives (as if that shouldn´t concern me ?)
My parents are rather loners. They don´t have much friends. My mom has like 2 friends that she sees maybe once in two months. I noticed her "friendships" are rather superficial, she is talkative, but rather closed/fake. My dad doesn´t even have friends, more like colleagues. (She seems to have a problem with my more social and spontaneous nature.)
So, when I was 23, I basically ran away to another country (country where I spent my childhood), but because of the language barriers (I´m not fluent in the language) I had difficulties finding a job. The only jobs I could find were waitressing, etc. which I didn´t really like. I never quit the contact with her. Maybe I should have, but my family is just very connected to each other, and that would have been really horrible for them. One thing that really pissed me off is that she sent my dad to the city I moved to and he came after me, found a job there etc. to "help me". I got really pissed because I don´t need help and that was more like "control" not "help". My dad is also under her control, he basically has no say, he has to do everything she says.
She seemed to change after that though. It hurt her a lot, because I´m an only child and I even told her that I ran away from her because "she is so horrible." So, she changed her story a bit. She is not so aggressive anymore. But, now I´m in a situation again, where I think she manipulates me again but much more subtly than before.
She would still convince me over the phone that I shouldn´t be taking jobs that are "underneath my level". I basically agreed in a way, cause I really wasn´t happy waitressing, and I also have many (business) ideas that I would like to do, but don´t have enough money to invest. So, somehow I got under her roof again and I went back to studies, to finish marketing (because I think that would land me a better job, to finally be totally financially independent of her). Thing is, I´m usually pretty confident and an open person, but ever since i got back to live with her, I feel restricted somehow and unfree. She isn´t treating me bad currently (she doesn´t allow me to drive by myself, I have to fight for the car if i want to drive it ), but that´s about it. Still, I don´t FEEL good, as it is something subconsciously that I can´t really put a finger on it and I know I would feel so much better if I were away. Why is that? Could she be a narcissist or are we just two very different people that don´t get along and can´t live together?
I feel like, even though I tried to, I still didn´t solve the problem with her. Stupid money problems. I should have played smarter. I have a feeling like that would probably continue (her controlling behaviour) into the future. Cause, to be honest, all my "choices" now are basically HER choices...
What you described is not healthy though, especially the volatile relationship between your parents. If you are not happy where you're at, then maybe move back out and try to make it on your own again, for peace of mind.
Not sure. Would high-functioning Borderline apply? My cousin who studies psychology once said my mom has a Paranoid Personality Disorder, but she said it in a more joking way. But, who knows.
But the comment about her giving birth to you is narcissistic.
It's a very complicated science, personality disorders. Very rarely does an individual fit neatly into one disorder. They usually at least have traits of some other disorders as well. And usually have more than one disorder.