Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
When I first met my ex, I did not like him. I was in a relationship and he was coming on strong. As a matter of fact, none of my friends liked him. About a few months later, we started getting along. People looked at me like I was crazy, but I just saw it as them being close-minded and not giving him a chance. We started dating eventually and things became on and off. At first, the relationship seemed great, Every time we got back together, it was like we were getting closer, so I thought it was healthy and okay.
The first was when he broke up with me because he wanted to get with other women. After this I promised myself that even if he begged me to take him back, I'd laugh at his face. A week and a half later he apologized and said he couldn't stop thinking about me. We got back together. There was ongoing behaviors he had that should have been red flags, but I kept brushing them off! For one, he valued men by money and how many women they can manipulate into sleeping with them. He valued women for their looks, how many men want to sleep with them, and how few men they've slept with. In the end I broke up with him because he was so sexist and kept accusing me of using him for his money even though we always put 50/50 in the relationship. He also bothered me on how I dressed and kept accusing me of wanting attention from men. He even found out my phone passcode and was reading all my messages to make sure I wasn't cheating. If I changed it he'd fight with me. I eventually Google searched why I kept going back to this relationship because there must be something psychologically wrong with me to be so stupid and then realized he might just be a narcissist for being such a master manipulator.
I immediately broke up with him. As I was moving out I asked him for his phone to delete any "indecent" videos we had made, and I found he had actually taken nude pictures of me SLEEPING! At that moment, alone in the basement while doing my last laundry at our place, I realized that I'd be lucky to get out of there okay. He was caught, and there's no telling the thoughts going about his mind to keep me from spilling the truth. In the end, I wasn't physically scarred, but I did leave a different person. It's not just knowing that I thought I loved him for months without realizing how insane he was, but how damn OBVIOUS it was to almost everyone around me.
After we broke up, it all started to come out. His close friend realized I was right about him having a problem and revealed to me he had cheated before and boasted about it to all his friends. He was obsessed with me so he hacked my Facebook, found out where I moved to, and kept sending me emails. After I filed a restraining order, he told me that he had backed up the videos and pictures and would leak them unless I dropped it. He said that if I did not drop it he would put all his power into making my life a living hell especially since I couldn't win without a lawyer, which I could not afford. He even threatened to get other people after me, so it wouldn't be linked to him, and that if I dropped it, he'd never contact me again. He did this by manipulating my friend into getting me the message and making her think it was genuinely the right thing for me to do. Naive as I was, I thought dropping it would be the end, and he'd leave me alone. He went on to tell everyone that he broke up with me because he found me cheating on him with his best friend (the one who told me about him cheating on me). He even went so far as to yell it while pointing at me in public around strangers. He also posted on Snapchat that I had an STD.
Ever since this, I've been reevaluating all of my past relationships and friendships. It's like I had settled with everyone. My previous relationships, looking back, were never ideal. I feel like I've grown to be better at choosing people, but at the cost that, I can't trust or genuinely like anyone anymore.
Many of my friends currently, I could tell them my story, and they'll still talk to my ex if he starts talking to them. I feel like they believe that I should have just known from the start how it would end, and they shouldn't go through the nuisance of blatantly ignoring him for my sake. I know I should have known he was crazy... I still can't explain how I didn't. The signs were all there. Still, I always followed the friendship rule that if I wouldn't want it done to me, I wouldn't do it to them. I would never talk to one of my friends' ex who terrorized them like this. I wouldn't talk to ANYONE who has done this to anyone. Still, they do, and if I ex'ed them out of my life too, I guess I'd just be left with a handful of people. It's like my life is a joke to them. I don't know how to explain to them that it really bothers me because I'm afraid that as the person asking them to choose, they'll choose him. The worst part is that I signed a lease to live with some in a couple months.
Still I hate speaking out about the whole story to people because I just think they look at me like "Well duh! You made yourself the victim!" Because honestly, before this happened to me, I'd think the same exact thing.I wouldn't be surprised if some of them are still being manipulated by him into thinking that I actually cheated on him and the countless other lies he has said. I did not have such a clean history before we dated. I slept around, but I would never cheat. How someone could do that is beyond me, but with sexism in society people think that with woman those two go hand in hand. What should I do? :[
The first was when he broke up with me because he wanted to get with other women. After this I promised myself that even if he begged me to take him back, I'd laugh at his face. A week and a half later he apologized and said he couldn't stop thinking about me. We got back together. There was ongoing behaviors he had that should have been red flags, but I kept brushing them off! For one, he valued men by money and how many women they can manipulate into sleeping with them. He valued women for their looks, how many men want to sleep with them, and how few men they've slept with. In the end I broke up with him because he was so sexist and kept accusing me of using him for his money even though we always put 50/50 in the relationship. He also bothered me on how I dressed and kept accusing me of wanting attention from men. He even found out my phone passcode and was reading all my messages to make sure I wasn't cheating. If I changed it he'd fight with me. I eventually Google searched why I kept going back to this relationship because there must be something psychologically wrong with me to be so stupid and then realized he might just be a narcissist for being such a master manipulator.
I immediately broke up with him. As I was moving out I asked him for his phone to delete any "indecent" videos we had made, and I found he had actually taken nude pictures of me SLEEPING! At that moment, alone in the basement while doing my last laundry at our place, I realized that I'd be lucky to get out of there okay. He was caught, and there's no telling the thoughts going about his mind to keep me from spilling the truth. In the end, I wasn't physically scarred, but I did leave a different person. It's not just knowing that I thought I loved him for months without realizing how insane he was, but how damn OBVIOUS it was to almost everyone around me.
After we broke up, it all started to come out. His close friend realized I was right about him having a problem and revealed to me he had cheated before and boasted about it to all his friends. He was obsessed with me so he hacked my Facebook, found out where I moved to, and kept sending me emails. After I filed a restraining order, he told me that he had backed up the videos and pictures and would leak them unless I dropped it. He said that if I did not drop it he would put all his power into making my life a living hell especially since I couldn't win without a lawyer, which I could not afford. He even threatened to get other people after me, so it wouldn't be linked to him, and that if I dropped it, he'd never contact me again. He did this by manipulating my friend into getting me the message and making her think it was genuinely the right thing for me to do. Naive as I was, I thought dropping it would be the end, and he'd leave me alone. He went on to tell everyone that he broke up with me because he found me cheating on him with his best friend (the one who told me about him cheating on me). He even went so far as to yell it while pointing at me in public around strangers. He also posted on Snapchat that I had an STD.
Ever since this, I've been reevaluating all of my past relationships and friendships. It's like I had settled with everyone. My previous relationships, looking back, were never ideal. I feel like I've grown to be better at choosing people, but at the cost that, I can't trust or genuinely like anyone anymore.
Many of my friends currently, I could tell them my story, and they'll still talk to my ex if he starts talking to them. I feel like they believe that I should have just known from the start how it would end, and they shouldn't go through the nuisance of blatantly ignoring him for my sake. I know I should have known he was crazy... I still can't explain how I didn't. The signs were all there. Still, I always followed the friendship rule that if I wouldn't want it done to me, I wouldn't do it to them. I would never talk to one of my friends' ex who terrorized them like this. I wouldn't talk to ANYONE who has done this to anyone. Still, they do, and if I ex'ed them out of my life too, I guess I'd just be left with a handful of people. It's like my life is a joke to them. I don't know how to explain to them that it really bothers me because I'm afraid that as the person asking them to choose, they'll choose him. The worst part is that I signed a lease to live with some in a couple months.
Still I hate speaking out about the whole story to people because I just think they look at me like "Well duh! You made yourself the victim!" Because honestly, before this happened to me, I'd think the same exact thing.I wouldn't be surprised if some of them are still being manipulated by him into thinking that I actually cheated on him and the countless other lies he has said. I did not have such a clean history before we dated. I slept around, but I would never cheat. How someone could do that is beyond me, but with sexism in society people think that with woman those two go hand in hand. What should I do? :[
My relationship with him started out like yours. I was not attracted to him. It turns out, nobody I knew liked him. Everyone got creepy vibes from him right from the start but didn't want to mention it to me. I didn't know that this man was a registered sex offender and felon. He came on very strong and talked about how women "should be treated like princesses" and that's how he treats women. This would have been a nice change of pace since I had recently gotten out of a 7 year relationship with another personality disordered man who completely ignored me.
This psychopath managed to convince me to move in with him right away. I would no longer have to worry about paying rent or utilities so it sounded great. I was a poor college student at the time. Immediately, the verbal abuse started. Absolutely bat shit crazy. Didn't take me long to realize he was insane and I got out of there. But he stole everything I owned and then stalked me. Then I realized how dangerous he was and began trying to figure out what was wrong with him. I then started learning about psychopathy and he fit ALL the symptoms. I watched a lot of documentaries and read a lot of stories of women who were murdered by men who behaved exactly like him. I moved, bought a new car, changed jobs. He found me. Sent me emails saying he knew where I was, knew about my new car. This was going on a year after I had left him. No contact from me. But he wouldn't stop. He even purchased a gun, despite the fact that he was a convicted felon, and posted pics of himself holding the gun to his head with suicidal messages written around the pic. I finally filed charges against him and got a restraining order. He was convicted but continued to do it silently.
After I left him, I went through exactly what you're going through now. He suddenly befriended all of my friends and despite them knowing the absolute hell he had put me through. All the abuse, him stealing everything, and even knowing he was a pedophile, they still chose to talk to him. I dropped all those people like a hot potato. You DO NOT want those people in your life. They are not your friends!
I have gone through a similar situation with a crazy neighbor. I live next to a psychopath who has stalked me, climbed in my window, threatened me, damaged my property for years on end, and harassed me in every way known to man. He's a very sick man who keeps his wife and kids locked up in the house 24/7. Wife doesn't work or drive, kids don't attend school. It's like a cult. And my friends and family know all about the huge list of crazy shit this guy has done to me. I've tried to get a restraining order and it was denied because I was never in a relationship with him. So I had to pay a lawyer to basically send him a no contact order, which he promptly violated to prove he can do whatever he wants. I have him on video throwing his garbage over my fence into my yard. He's climbed over my privacy fence and trespassed in my yard. The guy is bat shit crazy and continues to prove it. Nobody denies that. But when I have friends and family over to help me with something on my house or whatever, the crazy neighbor will now reach out and try to talk to my friends/family. This is called Triangulation and it's a tool that psychopaths use against their victim. This guy never talked to anyone before all this. He doesn't talk to anyone in the neighborhood, even when people say hi to him. But now that he's chosen me as a victim, he goes out of his way to say hi to people who are at my house. He wants them to believe he's a nice guy. And many of my "friends" and family have talked to him. Despite knowing all the crimes he's committed against me. It's insane. I can't imagine going and talking to a friend's abuser. Or someone who had committed crimes against my friend. It's totally insane. But it shows that you have a weak support system. Which is part of the reason why you were targeted by this guy. They are looking for someone who A. Doesn't stand up for themselves and B. Doesn't have people who will stand up for them.
My advice is to find a way to back out of moving into a place with these people. That will be the psychopaths way to get to you. If he can be on friendly terms with them, then he's going to find a way to get to you. I guarantee it. Get them out of your life. No friend listens to how their friend has been tortured by someone, and then goes and talks to that psychopath. You do not want any way for this guy to get to you. Move somewhere where he can't find you. Lock down all your online accounts. Leave nothing visible to public. If you have proof that he blackmailed you into dropping the restraining order, I'd show that to police and try to get another one.
This guy is very sick. Your friends are also sick for befriending him. Normal people will listen to your story in horror. Not want to be friends with the criminal behind it all. I've learned to judge people by how they react to these stories. People with low empathy will have little to no reaction or blame the victim. Healthy people will be horrified. Those are the people you want in your life.
I mean, it went on and on. Extreme stalking. And it sounds like this is what your ex is doing. The only way I got mine to stop was filing stalking charges, of which he was convicted. He didn't get any jail time and they didn't even charge him with the illegal possession of a firearm. 3 weeks after he was convicted, he followed me on my way to work one morning, parked next to me as I got off the bus and was walking down the sidewalk, and stood on the sidewalk next to his car as I passed, staring at me. We had another hearing. He got away with it again, no jail time. But I think he finally learned that I wasn't going to tolerate his shit anymore. From then on, his stalking was silent. I didn't know that he was still stalking me until 5 years later when I found out he died. He had been in trouble for several other crimes throughout the years, in and out of jail. I found out he had a fraudulent business, was sued on judge judy for conning someone, and he was posting "reviews" for his "business" under my name online. He was also posting pictures of my neighborhood on his social media accounts. I live a half hour from where he lived and he had no business being here. He was not allowed with 500 ft of me or my house.
Stalking is very dangerous. It can lead to very serious consequences. Don't take this lightly.
Please be careful in dealing with these deranged individuals.
You're a grown woman you can sleep with whomever you choose too. You set the standards for yourself. Set them and stick with them and you'll never need to fer being judged.
I have to believe that the distrust of others gets better over time. I’m feeling that too. We have all survived to receive a great learning lesson, we are forever changed. Maybe the word enlightened fits. Our future is one with better bosses, better friends, better girl-boyfriends/husbands-wives. And as to family, we’ll protect ourselves from those we need to. Step away from those we can.
I hope it helps you to see that his behavior is "textbook" It is like he is victim of some script he must play out. Perhaps researching this script will help you anticipate what is likely to happen next. Seems like he’ll follow what AgentSmith experienced.
Surround yourself with an army. Find people who came from happy childhoods. Find people who hear your story and understand. Don't underestimate this sick person. Take action to prevent something that may never happen. My son has a play motion sensor, it's part of toys called spy gear. Get some spy gear to set an alarm if someone enters your room when you're sleeping. Or whatever. Get serious, protect yourself.
The worst that can happen is that you'll be safe and will look back and think you might have overreacted a bit in your self protection. That's not a bad thing.
Thanks for sharing your story.