Victims of Psychopaths Community Group

Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.

520 Members

2,830 Posts

0 Online

Missjdb 07/11/2014

This may jump all over the place, but I am just trying to sum up my emotions and my story to see if who I dated was really a sociopath:
Well, Before i met my assumed sociopath lover I was extremely spiritual and what i can say at the height of my spirituality. I was at peace, so happy, and praying for a husband at this moment. I prayed and prayed and then this man came into my life, which led me to believe that God himself blessed us to be together! I gave this man my virginity, I supported him in every single way possible from emotional to physical to financial. To top it off, I have never been a relationship before, he was my first lover, love, fiance and boyfriend.

However, I know what real emotions are. I have the ability to sense deep emotions from strangers which is why I major in psychology. I don't think my mind was manipulated to the point where I would believe anyone would love me if they did not. I sensed love from him. When i met him I also sensed a deep pain in him that I thought was my job to heal. He was sexually abused as a child and raised in a very destructive lifestyle led by his father to sell drugs and pimp women. He cries real tears, He feels real emotions, However, He labels himself as a sociopath. He does show signs of sociopathism like lack of responsibility for what he did to me, and being consequently attracted to women in power I guess because he knows he can use them. But he also shows deep regret ever so often for the pain he cause me but it;s usually only when he's drunk or super later at night when he is alone by himself. He is an alcoholic and a drug user.

But even when coming to terms with the acceptance that i gave my everything to someone who is emotionally disturbed. I still don't think he is a sociopath. Being that I am spiritual i feel like he is housing demons that could be prayed away like I did for myself. I was sexually abused as well, and had similar traits at one point never owning up to responsibility and destructive behavior but I was set free from it.
What is this man? If he is a sociopath, how can I move on without feeling horrible from abandoning a man who I know is truly living in deep rooted pain? Or is he simply like me, a product of my environment?

LivingWater 07/11/2014

It is interesting that you said you thought "it was my job to heal him" We women are often attracted to the underdog, the victim, the people who need rescuing. As long as we feel it is our job, our responsibility, our moral duty to rescue, we will attract broken people. I like this quote: "You didn't break him, so it's NOT your job to fix him." Even the best love from a woman cannot cure alcoholism and drug addiction. And sadly, YES, addicts tend to be sociopaths. They will betray anyone to get their fix. As for his showing "real emotion" and crying "real tears", I am sure he does have his moments of pain and regret that are sincere. But if he is a sociopath, he could simulate (imitate) emotions for the purpose of manipulation. I feel sorry in any event that you gave your all to this man, even your virginity. I pray that he loves you enough to appreciate you and not abuse or harm you. But keep yourself in prayer and ask God's protection and guidance.

deleted_user 07/13/2014

I also was a victim of childhood sexual abuse, as for women , My mother, who herself seems to be antisocial personality disturbed made women so much better than men in so many heinous ways , but did not explain why we paid taxes to maintain provincial and Federal prisons for women! Why a sociopath would profess to being a sociopath is beyond me , unless he was playing with you as a psychologist and/or spiritual person. Nonetheless, he is into drugs and alcohol possibly due to the sexual abuse he experienced as a child. Many in our shoes go down that road to escape that pain alone. But nobody is able to render a person sober from taking alcohol and drugs. His mind must be messed up by all that. He'd have to go to rehab to become free of all that. Also all that makes it all the harder to say whether he was a sociopath or not. Also, only psychiatrists can make that diagnosis, because antisocial personality disorders of all kinds are psychiatric disorders. And making a diagnosis with him consumming alcohol and drugs makes it all the harder to know if he has an antisocial personality disorder. All I know is that you are better off away from him. You mentionned being a spiritual person. Staying with him, marrying him and having children with him is not fair to those children. The children would be starting their lives in a dysfunctional family. Spirituality requires that they have a better family environment. So leave him be and continue with your life without him. If you want to be a Mom you owe your future children that much irregardless as to whether he be a sociopath or not. I say these last few lines as a result of having been sexually abused myself.

Missjdb 07/14/2014

Thanks a ton Guys. He was once my best friend. I had a really hard breakdown when i wrote this, but with much prayer, I let go and let God handle it. I feel much better now. I don't even know if we are meant to be, I don't even think about it anymore. But if we are, I told myself that God will have a way of changing things. It brings me much peace to know that he may not be a socio, but just a broken spirit. Thanks again

deleted_user 07/16/2014

Does he go to extreme lengths to present his "good face" to the world? Are there people in his social circles unaware of his dark side, or of his drug abuse? I was mixed up with a true sociopath and none of her social circle, who were church friends, even knew that she did drugs and slept around out of town, etc. Sociopaths are expert liars, mirror other people to bond with them, and they can. not. be. trusted. period. they are absolutely toxic. they will use every advantage they can to manipulate you including guilt. I felt the same way about my ex wife as you are describing your husband -- that she was a hurting soul that needed me to, in a way, save her. Turns out that was an impossible task.

Missjdb 07/18/2014

Most people in his social circle are aware of his drug and alcohol abuse. He does not go to extreme lengths to present a good face to the world, he does good things when he wants to, not when to glorify himself and rarely takes credit when it's brought up. This is why i'm so confused.

escapefor1 07/27/2014

I have faced a couple of relationships with someone who could be a true victim or abusive. Abusive people may have also been victims in their last, usually childhood, but they often label themselves victims to save face, justify them behavior, and gain pity. As far as I can tell, the way to tell the difference is what they do as a result of hurting. Do they only turn that inward on themselves, and still do genuinely caring things for you? If so, they may just be wounded. If what they do when hurt, controls, received hurts you, and they don't change, then they are some kind of abuser. Actions are what count. Ignore the words.

escapefor1 07/27/2014

Wow, phone correction changed that. Short version is if they hurt you they are abusive. If they only hurt but are caring toward you, then they are a victim.

shakyinside 07/27/2014

I think those of use who want to fix others do it instead of fixing themselves.
Many s/n/p have different traits, they are not all poured out of the one mold in a factory. Basically if its bad for you then its time to go. Good luck

Join the Conversation