i cant stop crying, and thinking of him as much as i try to think positive and thought i was doing fine then that image of the piece of paper don't find me im not coming back hit me. i cant stop crying, as much as i want to i feel my heart has been ripped into a thousand pieces.and i want to try block out the good memory he gave to me. its so hard i really wish they all had their own island to play there own game, i went to my Councillor today and i said i did research and i have come to the conclusion that my partner is a sociopath and he said i think he may be more of a gambler i said no, cause all the signs are there why cant he just agree with me i should no i live with the creep for ten years. i want my mind to be at rest, and to help me that's what i know he is. I reckon there should be justice, and they should be locked away for doing this to innocent people. i feel violated used and i put on a brave face in front of everyone saying im doing better, but deep down, i just get spaced out. this has never ever happened to me in my whole life.sometimes i just want to close my eyes and never wake up again, i put methods in place but today they just didnt work. why am i here dont they understand that if one day he does show up which i think he might not. my hurt will turn to anger and then who knows what i might do. because ive never felt this way. i wish i could erase the memory and go on living as if he is dead and train my brain to think that way. but its the not knowing if or when he might appear.