Please treat yourself to a great meal somewhere or just ride a bike or take a long walk. I swear to you, she will find out what he is all about if she hasn't already. She will have to deal with him - you are the lucky one to have freedom. You can make new friends and have great experiences. I know how you feel because I have been there. It took a lot of work, but I forced myself to focus on going forward happily.

Thanks Coreen! I'm trying, but I am still in this phase where I am desperately seeking answers that I won't have. I already have an anxious personality. This is how I have made it through my life. My mind really doesn't stop running, and now I am so exhausted, but mentally my head is spinning.

I am very thankful that I wasn't the one that ended up marrying him, although I would have been entitled to go after him for all the money I have "lent" him over the years when he lost his job. I truly hope she finds out or knows who she is dealing with, but she has the entire support of his family and extended family, so I truly believe he will not let that happen. he would lose everything at that point. I do not think they are divorcing as he said to me. More lies of telling me what I want to hear. He lucked out with me. When I found out, I just walked away. I have spent so much energy of my life just trying to survive and make something out of my life, and as much confusion and angst this has caused me, I just don't have the energy to deal with it anymore.... or anything else for that matter.

I wish I could shake this ache in the pit of my stomach. I'm still in disbelief that someone could be so evil.

Oh boy do I get it. A big part of me says tell her. Human to human. But as has been stated- she probably knows. She at least knows some things about evil character.
I am so so sorry for how you feel. It is awful I know. It is unreal what the.do to lives.

I was just where you were just 6 months ago LackOfTrust!!!
Looking into what was really going on not what I thought was going on with my Ex - PSN. I also have a friend that has children with a PSN and was going through the whole thing also but who had broke up about 6 months earlier than that and her PSN had just found another woman and left her. We both agree wholeheartedly that this new woman would eventually find out what kind of man he really is and not what he is pretending to be. This new woman is trying to save him just like I tried to do with mine, not knowing the PSN is using our good intentions. They know our personality very well and know how kind we are and how easily it is for them to work there way into our life as being the sweet caring and sometimes extremely sexually attractive man. We can not even begin to tell her what an innocent victim she is right now. No one could have told me what I was getting into because of the love he was showing me at the time. He was really very good at knowing that is what I needed. Sometimes my PSN would shower me with Love and then do something that is so weird and uncaring but in such a clever way I could not even understand it! They are all very tricky!
Share on this page all you want. We are here for you!

Surf said it well. It is so awful. My EX Did NOTHING for me but mentally torture me for the the final couple years. I wish I had known sooner. I'm preoccupied about 23 hours per day with ruminating about the lies, the whys, the ifs, etc...I cannot wait until the day the hours go by and I realize, "hey, I didn't think about the whole ordeal for a few hours!". Of course I have a child with him so I feel I'm stuck in hell for the rest of my life. He knows all I wanted was our child to have a dad. My biggest fear is that as soon as he realizes I truly am happy that he left his son - it is then he will decide to be involved. They do the opposite of what you want.

what you are experiencing may be Cognitive Dissonance .... pathological self denial ... you're caught between what you think is happening ... what you wish was happening and what is actually happening .. it's the metaphorical fog that you feel engulfing your mind with so many contradictions and inconsistencies.

You've had a nasty shock, it's a natural response, it's very normal to respond to trauma in this way! Now that you've acknowledged that your ex partner might be disordered, you have to accept that there is no way back from that! Acceptance was the longest stage in the healing process for me, It's one thing to say that you accept it .. it's another to actually feel it.

It's weird. Mine was married. He would never have left her - he just had affairs and eventually another kid on the side. She finally left him. Some leave and some stay, or will stay, unless left. What's that about? He easily left me and the kid. Some will leave anyone and some leave no one. Yes they devalue all but some they stay with.

Thanks everyone. I just don't think she will ever really know who or what he is. From what I could find out after a LOT of digging is that their relationship goes back at least 10-15 years. On again, off again. Their whole family on each side (and there is a LOT of them), supports their marriage, so he will do EVERYTHING not to let his mask fall in front of her or the family because then he would be left with no one. He escaped easily with me because as upset as I was, I just walked away.

It doesn't take away the "what ifs" as Love says... When I confronted him, he said they were in the middle of dissolving the marriage, but I don't buy it for a second. She was off FB for a while, and now she is back on, and thus, the temptation was there. The only person that knows of her and me is his daughter, and she isn't going to say anything to the wife.

I'm so pissed. He took everything from me. He knows all I ever wanted was to be settled and feel like a family, and he gave her that, in a way. I would bet money that within the next 3 months I will see a picture of both of them on her FB page, as he will move out there with her. I'm the only way she would really find out. He is SOOOOOO good at lies. I mean looking back, I am just astounded of the lies he told me in order for me not to figure out who he truly was. And to do it with a straight face!?!?! I feel like he is the devil!

Lack, I think she will know someday. A woman can't live with a liar for years and years without her intution screaming at her. Eventually, she is going to start doing some detective work, if only to try to quiet her nagging suspicions. This is the way it works 99% of the time. It is a rare woman indeed who is married to serial cheater and never suspected a thing. I suppose there are a few such women. I have sometimes wondered who they are--what would cause that. The only thing I can imagine is having live such a sheltered life that a woman knows absolutely nothing about the bad parts of life. She may have heard about liars and cheaters, but assumed they were rare creatures with horns on their heads or other obvious features.

They are all really skilled liars. Mine was flawless. I watched him lie to his kids on the phone many times, once when he was under court-ordered No Contact and I was sitting next to him on his sofa.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

Interesting. They won't leave some because the mask would be too shattered. Be it with extended families, kids etc. In my case he could not be with me because I shattered the mask. If he was with me then the world know about the kid he had on the side, the affair, the lies etc. He ha convinced the world that his ex wife was a horrible person who just up and abandoned him one day. If he was to be with me the world would know he had an affair and a kid on the side. I do not take it personal at all that he picked to be with the a different person after his wife finally left. He had to. And I'm glad he did. It still burns like hell but I don't take it personal anymore. His decisions had nothing to do with me as person/love/companion etc.

It's important to a degree that they maintain the false veneer, part of the narcissism is that they need to be liked and respected, mine cheated on his wife throughout their marriage, her family think the sun shines out of his arse because she must have kept a lot of the craziness to herself! She eventually died from a kidney disorder which she had throughout their marriage, I expect she had more important things (her health) to be worrying about than his pathology. The way they maintain themselves in this veneer is by bad mouthing you .. fro a very early stage in the relationship! His wife's mother was coming round to the house 6 years after she had died to do his cleaning up! Every friday morning, he was all she had left of her daughter and he shamefully exploited that fact!

The woman before me typed letter after letter to me telling me about my now ex-bf! I never met her, we lived 100 miles apart. He had two homes. Funny thing is he had broken up with her 2 years before with another woman in between! The new woman finds out - it is their choice to stay or leave. He isn't going to change and the more time they are together, the more he will reveal of who he really is and his agenda!

Take good care.

Thanks Correen and Manyrivers for your stories. I guess because this is the first time I have really been confronted and confirmed what he is I am finding it difficult to determine boundaries. I mean if I was completely oblivious, I feel she would be too.

Coreen - do you receive that letter while you were in the relationship with your ex PSN or was it post break-up?

Lack: She started typing notes to me as soon as she knew he was seeing me! I have a file at the police Dept., and have been to the State's Attorney office to seek answers for her behavior. I was warned that she may be they type to damage my car or continue harassing me endlessly. We found out a neighbor, who lives two doors from bf, was feeding her information, When you meet someone, take time to see if they are sane! It takes two, and I think my ex never put a Restraining Order on her even though she wrote "whore" all over the car of a woman he was seeing before me. She wrote her letters, too!

Problem is, you and I don't have the strength to deal with a lunatic. I was raised well and never had any problems with men or women until 2009 when I met this guy in my neighborhood.

To be honest, I have had thoughts of going to her house and screaming leave me alone, but I don't want to waste the gas or mileage on my car!

Take good care and know you are going to get through this.

No, you're not babbling. You're feeling the same as so many of us. I tried to tell the next victim of the PSN in my life, but it only got worse for me. She agreed to married him two months after meeting him, as well as co-sign a loan for $30,000 so he could get the Challenger he wanted. Someday she will figure it out, maybe. She's either stupid or in denial, since she was warned. She will be victim no. 5. I am the only one who filed a suit to get back some of the money he got me to loan him, but it may not come out well for me. He's the classic sociopath, and my attorney sucked. Time will tell. I hope you got a chance to read "An open letter to lawyers of clients involved with sociopaths." Hopefully we will get justice some day.