Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
Hi,
I am looking for people who went through my same nightmare. I have a hard time finding a good psychologist and I am currently dealing with it all BY MYSELF. It is unbearable, and I am totally crashed. I hope there is somebody out there who is willing to share and talk to me.
In 2010 I met the man that I loved and cared for deeply for almost 6 years. I immediately fell in love with him, and while we were based in two different cities, he managed to love bombing me so effectively that after a couple of months I was totally convinced I finally found the love of my life. He expressed his idea of having a child with me since almost our first intimate encounter. After 4 months I found out I was pregnant. In these first 4 months he told me that he had a child from a previous relationship. I myself received a job offer in a different continent soon before I found out I was pregnant, and I told him that I was happy to drop the offer as I valued our relationship so much. He insisted that it was very important for my professional identity to accept the offer, and that he would be on my side and also that we would have both traveled in order to stay together as much as we could. He immediately booked a flight to support me during the first month of my move. When I told him that I was pregnant, he start behaving in a strange way, not showing up as frequently as he used to, and withdrawing communication. I was confused and desperate, yet eventually (after 2 months) he managed to tell me the truth, that is, he always lied to me and had indeed a double life: he was not separated from the mother of his child, and I was his lover. At the time of the confession, he claimed that he was over with this lady, and that he was so in love with me that he could not imagine his life without me. He won me back. The other lady was crashed, I was crashed, although for different reasons. I tried to have faith in him and I accepted to have the child and being with him. I had a miscarriage, and was even more crashed. He behaved like he was on my side, and after a few months I was pregnant again. I felt like at that point he was starting behaving in a weird way. I felt emotionally insecure, but h would try his best to convince me that we were in the greatest love relationship ever. He behaved in a way that made me feel jealous and suspicious (I am have never been that way before in my life). The day I was hospitalized for the delivery, he suddenly became cold and nasty, and stayed like that for DAYS (before and after delivery). He would attack me, complain, be angry at me, be distant and criticize everything! He became violent, and he convinced me that his awful and cruel behavior was my fault: he found out the night of the hospitalization that I had a few pictures of one of my ex boyfriends in my phone. I felt guilty and tried to understand him and justify his horrible behavior (I was totally under his control). I soon found out he was cheating on me. In the days of his horrible behavior he was actually trying to have sex with a girl. Basically, he projected on me the bad behavior and made me feel guilty for what HE WAS DOING to me.
As I confronted him with evidence of the betrayal he behaved like the most miserable person on earth. He then wanted to marry me and was willing to go to a psychologist to find out why he would do such a horrible thing to ME, the love of his life. I gave him a second (maybe, third) chance. We had another child, but he soon forgot about the marriage and admitted that he was just trying to hoover me back.
At that point I was managing to raise 2 young babies in a different continent and while working full time BY MYSELF, while he was picturing himself as the hero that was living his difficult life between two continents. He pictured himself as a committed loving father and partner, but from time to time I would experience his rage, his inconsistencies, and creepy signals such as his internet searches for escorts and sex meetings, notes with prostitutes' numbers and the like.
I was confused and scared, but when confronted he would convince me of his deep love, and that it was just doing some stupid things like internet searching just out of curiousity. I still believed him.
Last fall he suddenly behaved in a more detached way, complaining for little things, and during his last visit to us (me and the kids) he suddenly became an entirely different person, cold and harsh on me. He blamed me of not loving him and of having always criticized him during our relationship. He announced to me that we had no future and left us for not coming back. I could not understand what was happening, and then day after day I realized that he had a plan: blaming me for the end of the relationship, that he had already planned. He hacked all of my email accounts in the hope of finding something to use against me, and since he did not find anything, he used the letters I would exchange with my ex boyfriends as evidence of me having BETRAYED him into believing that he was the deepest love of my life. He also faked a depression as an excuse for his emotional distance and his attacks, and his hacking activity. I found out that he is in a relationship with a 22 year old girl, and that they sleep together in OUR place. I found out that he is not going to the psychiatrist as he claims. I confronted him with his lies, but the result is that he is using more lies to cover up for his lies. He basically abandoned me and the children out of a sudden, in the most cruel way possible (as he did a few years ago with the mother of his first child), but puts all of his efforts in convincing me (and others around him) that I am the trouble, and I am the reason for the disaster. He shows no pity, no remorse, no empathy, no attachment, no compassion. He is the most cruel human being I have ever heard of, with the only exception of those who murdered their partners. I can't believe that I put my life and that of our children in the hands of such a monster.
I am looking for people who went through my same nightmare. I have a hard time finding a good psychologist and I am currently dealing with it all BY MYSELF. It is unbearable, and I am totally crashed. I hope there is somebody out there who is willing to share and talk to me.
In 2010 I met the man that I loved and cared for deeply for almost 6 years. I immediately fell in love with him, and while we were based in two different cities, he managed to love bombing me so effectively that after a couple of months I was totally convinced I finally found the love of my life. He expressed his idea of having a child with me since almost our first intimate encounter. After 4 months I found out I was pregnant. In these first 4 months he told me that he had a child from a previous relationship. I myself received a job offer in a different continent soon before I found out I was pregnant, and I told him that I was happy to drop the offer as I valued our relationship so much. He insisted that it was very important for my professional identity to accept the offer, and that he would be on my side and also that we would have both traveled in order to stay together as much as we could. He immediately booked a flight to support me during the first month of my move. When I told him that I was pregnant, he start behaving in a strange way, not showing up as frequently as he used to, and withdrawing communication. I was confused and desperate, yet eventually (after 2 months) he managed to tell me the truth, that is, he always lied to me and had indeed a double life: he was not separated from the mother of his child, and I was his lover. At the time of the confession, he claimed that he was over with this lady, and that he was so in love with me that he could not imagine his life without me. He won me back. The other lady was crashed, I was crashed, although for different reasons. I tried to have faith in him and I accepted to have the child and being with him. I had a miscarriage, and was even more crashed. He behaved like he was on my side, and after a few months I was pregnant again. I felt like at that point he was starting behaving in a weird way. I felt emotionally insecure, but h would try his best to convince me that we were in the greatest love relationship ever. He behaved in a way that made me feel jealous and suspicious (I am have never been that way before in my life). The day I was hospitalized for the delivery, he suddenly became cold and nasty, and stayed like that for DAYS (before and after delivery). He would attack me, complain, be angry at me, be distant and criticize everything! He became violent, and he convinced me that his awful and cruel behavior was my fault: he found out the night of the hospitalization that I had a few pictures of one of my ex boyfriends in my phone. I felt guilty and tried to understand him and justify his horrible behavior (I was totally under his control). I soon found out he was cheating on me. In the days of his horrible behavior he was actually trying to have sex with a girl. Basically, he projected on me the bad behavior and made me feel guilty for what HE WAS DOING to me.
As I confronted him with evidence of the betrayal he behaved like the most miserable person on earth. He then wanted to marry me and was willing to go to a psychologist to find out why he would do such a horrible thing to ME, the love of his life. I gave him a second (maybe, third) chance. We had another child, but he soon forgot about the marriage and admitted that he was just trying to hoover me back.
At that point I was managing to raise 2 young babies in a different continent and while working full time BY MYSELF, while he was picturing himself as the hero that was living his difficult life between two continents. He pictured himself as a committed loving father and partner, but from time to time I would experience his rage, his inconsistencies, and creepy signals such as his internet searches for escorts and sex meetings, notes with prostitutes' numbers and the like.
I was confused and scared, but when confronted he would convince me of his deep love, and that it was just doing some stupid things like internet searching just out of curiousity. I still believed him.
Last fall he suddenly behaved in a more detached way, complaining for little things, and during his last visit to us (me and the kids) he suddenly became an entirely different person, cold and harsh on me. He blamed me of not loving him and of having always criticized him during our relationship. He announced to me that we had no future and left us for not coming back. I could not understand what was happening, and then day after day I realized that he had a plan: blaming me for the end of the relationship, that he had already planned. He hacked all of my email accounts in the hope of finding something to use against me, and since he did not find anything, he used the letters I would exchange with my ex boyfriends as evidence of me having BETRAYED him into believing that he was the deepest love of my life. He also faked a depression as an excuse for his emotional distance and his attacks, and his hacking activity. I found out that he is in a relationship with a 22 year old girl, and that they sleep together in OUR place. I found out that he is not going to the psychiatrist as he claims. I confronted him with his lies, but the result is that he is using more lies to cover up for his lies. He basically abandoned me and the children out of a sudden, in the most cruel way possible (as he did a few years ago with the mother of his first child), but puts all of his efforts in convincing me (and others around him) that I am the trouble, and I am the reason for the disaster. He shows no pity, no remorse, no empathy, no attachment, no compassion. He is the most cruel human being I have ever heard of, with the only exception of those who murdered their partners. I can't believe that I put my life and that of our children in the hands of such a monster.
You have come to the right place. There are others here who have experienced what you've been through. I always feel extra bad for the victims who have kids by their psychopath.
I was the victim of a psychopath recently. Looking back over my life, I've had a few similar encounters. I like to think I'm not destined to repeat now that I understand the problem. These people never, ever change. With most other psychiatric disorders, there is some hope of recovery or at least improvement. Psychopaths (and similar) have bizarre deficiencies in their brains and are incapable of changing (and unwilling). Most of the experts recommend blocking the psychopath completely. Change your locks; block his phone numbers (or change yours); Block him on all social media. The sooner you face reality and the longer you are away from his influence, the better you'll feel. Support groups are great. So is getting on with your life and finding things you love to do, hobbies, friends etc. Good luck. You can do it.
Maggy you are right that the only way out is to just run away and not look back. I now see the behavior of his former ex (the one he traumatized right before me, and the mother of his first kid) in an entirely different perspective. She also went no contact. He would not be allowed to talk to her anymore, unless for strictly necessary communications related to their son. She didn't allow him in her house anymore, nor she would share anything more about her life. Now I see it all. I thought she was a weak and hysteric woman full with narcissistic anger, and I saw her that way because HE would do his best to convince me of that, with the evil support of HIS MOTHER, who spends all of her energies in covering up for his sick son's misbehavior by blaming the victims. She has already started blaming me and her smear campaign has started right the same time he would start discarding me (december/january). I wonder whether these predators would actually preserve their benefits and success in the long run, but I guess so.
i feel like we have a lot in common my exes mother was exactly the same and totally covered up for him and they (his mother and father) are all playing happy families with the new woman and her son. Never heard from them at all after I left my ex, not once they have even called texted or emailed to check on how they are so it hurts bad but at least these weird people aren't in my chidrens lives.
i have been left with a lot of anger i tried counselling but can't afford it any more and don't have even childcare to go to the appointments, i might see if i can find a therapist who does skype though because i think therapy is really important.