I'm trying to recover, I'm trying to find a sense in all this. But reality is that I'm very confused.
I met my ex one year and half ago. I was with someone else at that time and I was keep him at distance , but he seems so in love with me. Text every day, all day long but hey.......at night time he was getting upset and I didn't understand why because he knew the situation. I broke up with the guy I was with and I kinda start going out with him even thought He was doing very weird staff from my point of you. Driving crazy, accusing me nighttime that I was with someone else (with insults)....one time we went out and I noticed he was tipsy, actually more drunk that tipsy. At the same time he was very caring: like no one ever did. I was sick , he was taking care of me; he was come to see me every single day. Then I had a moment of stress at my job, and he start saying weird stuff like he wouldn't feel sorry for me, or that I would better to come out from that stress because he didn't deal with people not at his level , ora that God had sent him on this heart to help others. To keep in mind that 10 years ago he is being in prison for 5 years(they give him 10 years in the beginning) for robbery of 1' grade. So hearing this sentences made me think that maybe there were something strange in him, not understanding what it was. So I told him that I wasn't ready for a relationship and I left him, even though he insisted so much to stay with him. I made him think I was not mind stable.
4 months passes and I kinda missed his attentions , so I texted him. He is a good looking guy, good artist, fun, and I never understood why he was not going out anywhere on saturday and sunday.We start to going out again. He seems not to have many friends around. I always wonder that. He had sooooo much time for me. That is a good thing but at the same time......he basically didn't have a life. Every moment of the day I could go to spend time with him. At first he was working then he told me he lost his job. We never went out because he didn't have any money. So we were meeting at his place ( a garage basically) or at my place close to the beach. He seems really care about me, very attentive, nice words. One night I was sleeping and in the morning I found 42 calls. 42!!!! His place didn't have electricity no more and his landlord basically was about to kick him out. He told me he was in late with rent of 10 days so she decided to kick him out. And to me it seemed pretty strange because usually they give you a fee if you pay in late or a notice you have to move out. Nothing. So he insisted to move into my place for a lil beat because he didn't have any money, but the main reason he said, it was that we could start a life together because we were so much in love. And it's true I was in love with him, in the purest way. So I accepted for him to move in , even though there were many signals that told me something wasn't right.
First month was pretty much a honey moon......I was patient that he was trying to find a job in my area. But I start to see he was drinking very much.......ne night he got so drunk....I felt very uncomfortable . I don't drink , I don't smoke and I always refused to be around that stuff. He had a pass of weed and cocaine but he said he got over it. Well......second month and no job. His day was like......going to the beach, watching music videos, cleaning the house, washing clothes and......drinking. And I was working like a crazy to put the money together for the rent. One time I came at home at 4.00 pm and he was sleeping totally drunk...... at 4 pm!!!! So the third month I start to complain about his drinking , that was starting to be heavy or my awarness that he was drinking became clear, and that he needed to find a job very soon. So the verbal abuses started!!!! I remember the first time . I told him :" don't you think it's too much vodka?" (he put a lil orange juice and an entire glass of vodka). He start yelling from a state of calm. I was shocked!!!! A huge reaction about few words I said. He started to insulted me and yell!
I was attacking back but at that time I didn't understand with who I was dealing. Every time thought he was coming back after the insults and apologize.....after like 5 minutes.....I was very confused. At the fourth month things were bad. Every day we were fighting for the same reasons......I was working 12 hours per day and he was at home drinking. He was telling me I was stupid to go to work for little money and that he wouldn't go to work for 50.00 and spend gas money or drive far. I was driving far and doing lil jobs. I was feeling so insulted. I was paying rent with my lil money. I felt used and I gave him an ultimatum......or he was finding a job or he had to move out. He didn't find a job and he was keep drinking at the point he had three times withdraw alcohol poison .....shakes, vomit and cold body for three days. I thought he would die. In those moments he confess me that he was drinking two liters of vodka in three days! I never realize how much he was drinking until this time. So I understood why he used to insult me nighttime, that was the reason. And the day after he was behaving like nothing happened and was telling me I was negative because I was mad at him!!!
Then I discover he was flirting with my friend....she told me. I didn't know what to think anymore......he seemed so in love with me! I just didn't get it! How can you love someone like that, like you can't even breath without that person, and flirt with others? He swear it was her to flirt with him.....I didn't trust both of them, I didn't know who to trust.
Then one evening I saw him smoking weed with a guy in the apartment... when he came back I told him I didn't want that stuff around me and if he wanna to go to smoke, to go to his friends house. Well he start yelling and yelling and insult me......that I was crazy, I was bipolar, everyone hated me ( he always told me that in all his abuses), that I wanted a man with money and I couldn't handle a real man with talent, that he was an important person, that my ex did the right thing to left me in a desperate moment.....bla , bla , bla..... he was screaming so loud and for like three hours.... that night was more aggressive than usual so I wasn't fighting back and I was PRETENDING TO SLEEP AND HE WAS KEEP SCREAMING......for three hours. It was 2 am. A neighbor came over and he told him throight the window to shut up and go to sleep. My ex threaded him saying something like :" I have something in here that can really hurt you". This guy had a lil child. When the guy left he kept screaming :" Oh now you feel save uh?". The day after he apologize , as he always did but I was very hurt and scared. The manager called me to let me know he is gonna to evicted me!!! The guy called him and told him my ex threated him. But in the end the manager told me I am a good person and he will be happy if I stay , but he had to move out! So I told him......he started to say that he can evict me and that I had to fight for my rights!! And I told him I will never fight when I know I'm wrong and in this case he had to move out. He start screaming again so I left......I couldn't handle it anymore. It was the sixth month he was staying with me.....no job and more drinking. At the seventh month he was still there and I was trying to push him to find another place but no one of his friends want to help him. No wonder why. His ex (10 years together) didn't want to help him. I found out from the sister he came out from prison sooner because he got married to a girl and he moved in with her.....they broke up and he made appear she was crazy. Then he got together with another girl, moved in her place and after a year he had to escape for some reason I don't know ( she called the police on him three times for abuse). Then the girlfriend he lived with for few years kicked him out too. So I wasn't the first one. But now I had a big problem. He had to move out and he wasn't and I was risking the eviction.
I was afraind to call the police because even if you get a restreaing order, you never know what he could do. He already got in arguments with few people in my building. So I decided for a fake move with the manager help. I pretended to move out because I didn't have any money. I rent a storage and moved all my stuff in it. He asked me for help to keep save all his music equipments because he could end up in the street. I said yes in the end. Last night we were together we woke me up at 2.30 am asking me if he could come anywhere I go. I said no because I was going to my friend's house......he start screaming to give him back all his stuff, start pushing me.....I dressed up and I was trying to leave the house but he didn't let me.....he was pushing me. So I locked myself in the bathroom and when he calm down, I left. It was the last time I saw him in the apartment. The day after the manager changed the lock and he end up outside. A friend of his helped him for a week. He was still calling me . I was talking to him. He was very depress for three days, he was saying he had another withdraw poison. He was still talking about marriage and stuff. Then I discover I was pregnant. I didn't want to tell him.....I wasn't sure it was the right thing to do. Also because he told me , after 4 days he moved out, he was dating someone. He obviously was talking with someone before he left. I discover it was a lil girl that lived in Israel that was my student and he told her he was single!!!!
I told his sister I was prgnant and she convince me to tell him. I did and he seemed very supportive......I was not sure at all to see him again. He was saying to find an apartment together and get married. I was still trusting what he was saying.....but at his sister was saying very different things.....she was telling me because she knows him and his craziness.......Well......we start to see each other again, he wanted to move in an apartment with me and the baby but he never sayed :"I'll work, I'll do anything". Probably he thought I was keep supporting him or mine or his family would help us so he could keep doing his "nothing".
He was living with another friend of his, the only one helped him, I was watching tv at his place and I saw a channel where they were talking about sociopath and all the characteristics ......WOAH!!! It's being watch directly into the light. He had all those characteristics. I did some researches and I'm pretty sure he is sociopath.
I went home for the holidays and coming back I've being attacked. In the fight I think he kicked me with his knee or something.....I really don't remember. I lost the baby. I was in shock for days, I was crying and very down. I just needed love around me. I was afraid to tell him because I had the feeling he would hurt me again...... this feeling was strange because when I was sick he always was there for me, but maybe because he had to held on the apartment more than me. I told my friend to let him know. She did and he was keep calling me. I told him I was accept to see him if he was considerate and give me love otherwise I didn't want to. He was :"Of course, I'm here for you"! He seemed kinda hurt I didn't tell him and I understand if he was a normal person , but I knew him. We met, he was supportive, kissed me, etc. The day after he suppose to pick me up at 11.00 am......at 11.30 he wasn't there still. I texted him.....no answer!! He ignored me for 4 hours!!! Knowing my state of suffering.....that I've being throught a violence and a abortion.......I was keep calling to know what was going on.....He answered very cold saying it was not a good idea we were seeing each other, that we could stay friends and take some time. I was totally shock. How could he do that?? I a situation like that, after he told me I love you, bla bla bla? I told him to delete my number and don't ever call me again. And he answered :" If you want this ok". He never called me again. After a week he texted my friend asking to talk and he needed an advice.....I wonder what advice what he wants. But I never heard from him again. It's being two weeks and half now.
I'm still so much in pain between the abortion and being left alone in a moment of totally desperation from the person I had the baby with. Not even animals do that!
I'm just very upset!! He ruined my life and I'm the one that it's suffering and he is the one happy and free enjoying life!!! It's that fair!!