I understand you wanting a father in your son's life, for his sake... but do you really want a psychopath in your son's life? The damage they inflict on their children is permanent. I would consider it a blessing if he wanted nothing to do with your son, rather than fighting you for custody (just for the sake of control). Have you considered finding a male role-model for your son? A mentor? Like through the "big brother" program or something like that? Or an uncle or relative? I think that would be a much better source of love and acknowledgement than from a psychopath.

Agent, mine is more NPD with some SP. I know; not any better than P. I would feel a lot better if I had male for my son. I don't. No brothers, no uncles, no cousins - nothing! I have a brother in law who would be great but he lives in another state.
I don't trust Big Brother programs.
The Ex has a brother here. I the ex's brother a lot. He would be the perfect man for a role model/friend for my son....but brother and ex are really close. Plus ex has told brother horrific things about me. All lies of course. I've searched my mind high and low on who could be a STABLE male in his life.

It is harder for men to emotionally bond with their children especially when the children are at a young age, but your ex is using him as a tool to manipulate you. Money or Son???
My ex boyfriend is using his daughter to purify himself and as an excuse for his life style. She is a tool for him.

There was a promise you held on to from his actions and words. But the promise is broken.

There is some skills to cope and language to use that your son needs to learn in my opinion before he can have a relationship with his dad, so he won't get hurt.

I understand how you feel, I wish for a normal healthy relationship for my daughter with her father.my ex is more SP, there are big concerns on my part.

The problem is that they use the child to hurt the mother, with your ex he seems to deliberately withhold acknowledging his son as his and is using this to hurt you. This is all hurtful, you and your child are better off free. There will be a healthy male in your life in the future one who can be a great role model for your son.

Whenever I think of my ex in my daughter's life I can only see the pain in her eyes registering all the disappointment he had in store for her. Broken promises, daddy not turning up to take her to the zoo as promised, daddy playing all day on his computer ignoring his child....and those are best case scenarios. She's a toddler and boy she tries my patience, he has a short fuse.

Being a single parent is not easy but having to co-parent with a crazy is much harder. Xxxx

Strength, I admire you for having so much insight, recognizing the risk and taking your child out of the middle. Because indeed it is not about the child for him.

Thanks everyone. It's so hard to accept that a parent abandons their own child. Of course the ex had no dad - no doubt that plays a role in his sickness - but why perpetuate it?!
Yes he said if I dropped child support he would be more LIKELY to be a father. I now know that was not only the most insane proposal but it was also manipulation. If I had stopped the support order he would've still been absent.
Yes I believe he won't be in the kids life mostly because that is what I want. I went against his wishes to have the child - so he will be dammed if he tows the line.

People love, people stop loving, people break- up, it's normal. But you are in a group for victims. You are still healing from him. And your what happened between the two of you remains with no closure.
The phrase that came to my mind was "do not negotiate with terrorists". Your kid should not be held hostage and should not be in the middle. The moment he was out of your body he is a whole world, a new being. Your ex clearly doesn't get that.
The whole interaction requires a none emotional approach. So it can be all about the your mutual child.
Not about the two of you.

He wouldn't tow the line in any situation Lovechild, I'm sorry to say that but it's true. They don't 'play fair' even when you do everything in their favour they are still working to their own agenda and have no loyalty or gratitude for your sacrifice on their part.

What he said about being more 'likely' to be a father if you drop the child support is disgusting and emotional blackmail. It may be a blessing in disguise though that he doesn't want involvement, you will be spared years and years of emotional turmoil and pain. Triangulation would be part of all that, pitting you against your own child, using the other woman to hurt you by her being mother to your child during his parenting time, they use any evil trick to punish you and hurt you. Horrible.

My exes father was abusive toward him as a child but my ex loved this man so much, he had a weird loyalty to him despite the cruelty he had during his time as a child. My ex was abusive toward me and I'm sure was beginning to include my child in his cruel games.

They will re-write history with words and grandiosity so document everything you do now, emails you sent him asking him to be a father, any evidence you have that you have contacted him and his responses. I am putting together a file on my ex so that I can show this to my daughter when she is grown. He has threatened to make her hate me for not allowing him to be part of her life but I have good reasons for this. They are very manipulative and your ex could turn round in years to come to your son and lie lie and lie by saying it was your fault that you wouldn't let him see your child. It's good to cover yourself, just in case. Also, take time to grieve the relationship and let go of the idea he is normal enough to be a parent of any description. You will create a great life for you and your child without the emotional pain of being with a disordered man.

Thanks Dana, I have had eight months of counselling and I'm a lot better than I was when I first left my ex partner but I know that raising my daughter alone is the right way. She is doing well xxxx

All of you are right... I'm having to be retrained in what is normal and ok. I think in reality we are both better off without his presence. My child is happy and I'm getting there. It's just hard to accept. I really don't care what he's doing in his personal life. I want no trouble. I would put aside all my feelings for the sake of my child. When I would even say "our" son to him; he would retort "YOUR SON". He's parenting his other kids and the OW kids now. The OW told me her kids just love him so much.

Love child this is all so hurtful for you, how nasty cold and callous that woman is and he is beneath pond slime. Put these people out of you and your child's life, they are what I call toxic waste. Raising a child is hard enough without such cruelty, non of this is your fault, one day that woman will be on the receiving end of his callous treatment.

Take care of yourself, your child is happy, you are doing a good job as a mother. He probably sees that you are stronger and see through his lies so wants to destroy you.

I am very happy since I discovered the word "reward"". The 4 psychopaths I have known and other I have studied use the the phrase " you deserve"". And they have a system. The OW feel rewarded now and special probably so he's not what you told her. It's part of their way to control their environment. TOXIC.

Lovechild - I completely understand with how you feel, growing up in the same situation as your child, I look back on the times of disappointment of the lack of interest in me by my father. Those times were very difficult, but now as an adult I can see that I was better off. I know that doesn't take the pain away from you. Watching your child through this time has to be so heartbreaking. I can never fully understand as this is one reason why I chose not to have children. I didn't want them to hurt the way I did as a child.

Just know that your support, positivity and encouragement means more to your child than you will ever know. They are better off not being exposed.

All the best.

psychopaths/narcissists use their children as pawns in their power games, why would you want an antisocial in your childs life? I grew up without a father, as an adult looking back, my mother did an okay job of bringing up 7 children on her own.