Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
THIS IS LONG, but I really need to get it out!! Thanks for your patience!! Hi everyone! In the last month I have managed to extricate myself from a live in situation with a Romantic Sociopath. My world has been turned upside down. Nothing makes sense. I feel so sad, betrayed, angry, stupid, guilty and pathetic for letting this predator into my life.
My story:
We met on a popular on line dating site 15 months ago. I had been online dating for about a year, with no real prospects, although tons of superficial dating, when I met "J". I actually responded to his profile because it really resonated with qualities I was looking for in a partner. I am a successful business woman in LA, have tons of friends and family, and my company is like a small nuclear family as well, with me being the "Queen Bee". In other words, I run the company and have the decision power on most everything.
J's profile was compelling. He had just moved to LA 6 mos earlier, was very friendly looking, handsome, literate, and talked about helping others and integrity in his life. HA! He moved here to oversee the care of his 97 year old grandmother, who had fallen and broke her hip. Nice guy, right? After we started talking on the phone and texting madly, like total love bomb, He said he was born and raised in NC, and after his parents were tragically killed in a car accident down the street from his home when he was 15, his grandmother, the one here in LA, left everything and moved to Charlotte to make sure that J could continue on his academic path and go to UNC, as a music major and also to play football for the Tarheels. He told me that his older brother and older sister, significantly older, we're both losers and had brushes with the law and with drugs. J got married right out of college to his college sweetheart, who he loved with all his heart.. They never had kids because she wasn't ready, and then, of all things, his loser sister gets his wife addicted to drugs.. She becomes adulterous and drug addicted, and j brokenheartedly, divorced her. They were married 10 years (this is true. The 10 year part, I mean). Tragic story, right? And now J was here paying it forward to his grandmother who was in Ill health..
Whirlwind romance, 100's of texts and calls, started spending all weekend with me, then added Monday night, or Thursday night, and soon showed up with a bunch of stuff from "grandma's" and moved in. We were very happy. He was intelligent, funny, caring, empathetic, in other words a great partner.. He met my coworkers, friends and family, and they all LOVED him. Every single one! He became friends with everybody on FB, his request, and we seemed like the couple of 2011!
I had been in a bunch of shallow relationships, and actually spent almost 7 years not dating at all (had gained a bunch of weiight, etc., then lost it to begin dating) and J was e everything I was looking for. He fit beautifully into my family and social circles, but what about his?? Well, he was new to the area and had been living with his grandma. Now, at the same time, my mom was going significantly downhill, she was living in an assisted living place close by, and I was the primary person in her life. (My brother is overwhelmed with his wife and 3 kids). J portrayed his grandma as curmudgeonly and in I'll health, and possibly slightly racist (he is black, I am white). So needless to say I was not pushing to meet her..
Every once in a while there was some kind of drama with another relative coming to stay at grandma's temporarily I was super busy with my company, and just enjoying being with J in my off time. Yes, I thought that it was weird, that after starting to live together, that I still hadn't met anyone in his family, though he knew everyone in mine.. Red flag that I minimized.. He worked on and off, but I paid for most everything. I offered to let him use my car (he didn't have one. Doh!) because we had a serious parking problem at my office. He took me up on it..
In February , he texted me that he was distraught because his ex wife and her mother had beenin a terrible car accident in NC! Oh no! I felt terrible and rushed home. He was beside himself (I guess) and I tried to give him some space as his ex and her mother were in surgery.. By the next morning, they had both passed away!! Tragic..
In April, I lost my Mom :( J was a huge support to me and my extended family. He was my rock.
Meanwhile, he would take my car to go visit grandma once every week to two weeks. Other than his chorus rehearsal (which I knew he went to) he was with me all the time. However, on most holidays, he went to be with his "grandma" since she didn't have much time left... We had never had an argument or anything really. We were in love. I bought tickets to Cabo! I hadn't been on vacation in 9 years!!
About a month from leaving for Cabo, J said he couldn't find his passport and needed to get a copy of his birth certificate form NC.. After three weeks of tomfoolery where he kept saying, it's coming tomorrow, I said ok we're going to the federal bldg to get an emergency passport.. He needed grandma to sign an affidavit of live birth first. But the day before we were supposed to leave, grandma had a stroke!! He couldn't go.. I was devastated beyond belief, I knew ther eras something fishy about the passport BS, and I was skeptical of granny's stroke. I went to Mexico solo.. Sucked.. When I came back, I did a background check on him, cuz I was worried that for some reason, he was not legally able to get a passport.. He had a couple of check kiting issues in his 20's but nothing like glaring that would prevent him from getting a passport.. So red flags were flying high, but I was denying, minimizing, and rationalizing - this is the love of my life - I didn't want for anything to be wrong.
So cut to the summer. He was still using my Prius which was leased. It was getting close to 24,000 miles for 2 years, so I actually told him I was watching the miles on it. After seeing one day that he had driven a crazy amount of miles the day before, I checked the gps, he had gone to a town 1+ hours out of LA. Huh? I asked him and he smoothly brushed it off as something from his chorus.. Didn't sit well.. Red flag.. Two weeks later, another crazy amount of miles, and now he went even further out of LA.. WTF?? Then last, he drove to San Diego when he was supposed to be with grandma.. When confronted, he flat out denied it!! Even though I said I had the odometer evidence and also, a location he entered I the gps.. The next day he recapitulated and said he went to san diego to look for a xmas present for me as a surprise Please! This is when I knew I had a very serious problem!! October was tense and unraveling. Finally, on nov 9th, a mistress of his sent an email to a coworker asking to be forwarded to me. She met him on an online dating site, where he maintained an open profile, with all recent pix that I had taken of him!!! They saw each other for 7 weeks then he dumped her and stopped returning texts. But she saw my name on his Facebook (though he wouldn't friend her) and thought I was his next victim. He told me he was with grandma wen he was with her, and he told her that he lived in the marina with his granny (my apt.!!)!and made a bunch of money and my car was his car etc.. I kicked him out for the weekend as I sorted out if he was simply a cheater who lies to cover his cheating, or if I was dealing with something more.., the answer was yes..
To make a long story short, once I started investigating, I found out that there is no grandma, he never went to UNC, never played football there, his ex wife was actually alive!! And suing him for child support!! He actually had two daughters with her while married, that he never mentioned a word of in 15 months!! Mind boggling! His entire life was a complete lie, from soup to nuts!! He told me thousands and thousands of lies in the time we were together.
So where was he the thirty or so times he went to visit grandma before his mistress came forward?? Not with her. She didn't move to CA until end of July.
After finding info about romantic sociopaths, I realize that he is the poster boy!! Made up past, multiple women, lies upon lies upon lies.. Personal tragedy, inflated credentials, arrogance. But honestly, until he started driving all of the weird places, I was very happy with him.
I kicked him out immediately and he left peaceably. Thank god. He is 6' 5" and 270 lbs. I put the rest of his stuff in a rented storage unit and gave him till 1/15/13 to get it. He is still maintaining that he is at grandmas, but I know there is no grandma. I know he is onto his new conquest, and I feel terrible for her..
Ok.. Thanks for listening . I'm just trying to put one foot in front of the other...
V777
My story:
We met on a popular on line dating site 15 months ago. I had been online dating for about a year, with no real prospects, although tons of superficial dating, when I met "J". I actually responded to his profile because it really resonated with qualities I was looking for in a partner. I am a successful business woman in LA, have tons of friends and family, and my company is like a small nuclear family as well, with me being the "Queen Bee". In other words, I run the company and have the decision power on most everything.
J's profile was compelling. He had just moved to LA 6 mos earlier, was very friendly looking, handsome, literate, and talked about helping others and integrity in his life. HA! He moved here to oversee the care of his 97 year old grandmother, who had fallen and broke her hip. Nice guy, right? After we started talking on the phone and texting madly, like total love bomb, He said he was born and raised in NC, and after his parents were tragically killed in a car accident down the street from his home when he was 15, his grandmother, the one here in LA, left everything and moved to Charlotte to make sure that J could continue on his academic path and go to UNC, as a music major and also to play football for the Tarheels. He told me that his older brother and older sister, significantly older, we're both losers and had brushes with the law and with drugs. J got married right out of college to his college sweetheart, who he loved with all his heart.. They never had kids because she wasn't ready, and then, of all things, his loser sister gets his wife addicted to drugs.. She becomes adulterous and drug addicted, and j brokenheartedly, divorced her. They were married 10 years (this is true. The 10 year part, I mean). Tragic story, right? And now J was here paying it forward to his grandmother who was in Ill health..
Whirlwind romance, 100's of texts and calls, started spending all weekend with me, then added Monday night, or Thursday night, and soon showed up with a bunch of stuff from "grandma's" and moved in. We were very happy. He was intelligent, funny, caring, empathetic, in other words a great partner.. He met my coworkers, friends and family, and they all LOVED him. Every single one! He became friends with everybody on FB, his request, and we seemed like the couple of 2011!
I had been in a bunch of shallow relationships, and actually spent almost 7 years not dating at all (had gained a bunch of weiight, etc., then lost it to begin dating) and J was e everything I was looking for. He fit beautifully into my family and social circles, but what about his?? Well, he was new to the area and had been living with his grandma. Now, at the same time, my mom was going significantly downhill, she was living in an assisted living place close by, and I was the primary person in her life. (My brother is overwhelmed with his wife and 3 kids). J portrayed his grandma as curmudgeonly and in I'll health, and possibly slightly racist (he is black, I am white). So needless to say I was not pushing to meet her..
Every once in a while there was some kind of drama with another relative coming to stay at grandma's temporarily I was super busy with my company, and just enjoying being with J in my off time. Yes, I thought that it was weird, that after starting to live together, that I still hadn't met anyone in his family, though he knew everyone in mine.. Red flag that I minimized.. He worked on and off, but I paid for most everything. I offered to let him use my car (he didn't have one. Doh!) because we had a serious parking problem at my office. He took me up on it..
In February , he texted me that he was distraught because his ex wife and her mother had beenin a terrible car accident in NC! Oh no! I felt terrible and rushed home. He was beside himself (I guess) and I tried to give him some space as his ex and her mother were in surgery.. By the next morning, they had both passed away!! Tragic..
In April, I lost my Mom :( J was a huge support to me and my extended family. He was my rock.
Meanwhile, he would take my car to go visit grandma once every week to two weeks. Other than his chorus rehearsal (which I knew he went to) he was with me all the time. However, on most holidays, he went to be with his "grandma" since she didn't have much time left... We had never had an argument or anything really. We were in love. I bought tickets to Cabo! I hadn't been on vacation in 9 years!!
About a month from leaving for Cabo, J said he couldn't find his passport and needed to get a copy of his birth certificate form NC.. After three weeks of tomfoolery where he kept saying, it's coming tomorrow, I said ok we're going to the federal bldg to get an emergency passport.. He needed grandma to sign an affidavit of live birth first. But the day before we were supposed to leave, grandma had a stroke!! He couldn't go.. I was devastated beyond belief, I knew ther eras something fishy about the passport BS, and I was skeptical of granny's stroke. I went to Mexico solo.. Sucked.. When I came back, I did a background check on him, cuz I was worried that for some reason, he was not legally able to get a passport.. He had a couple of check kiting issues in his 20's but nothing like glaring that would prevent him from getting a passport.. So red flags were flying high, but I was denying, minimizing, and rationalizing - this is the love of my life - I didn't want for anything to be wrong.
So cut to the summer. He was still using my Prius which was leased. It was getting close to 24,000 miles for 2 years, so I actually told him I was watching the miles on it. After seeing one day that he had driven a crazy amount of miles the day before, I checked the gps, he had gone to a town 1+ hours out of LA. Huh? I asked him and he smoothly brushed it off as something from his chorus.. Didn't sit well.. Red flag.. Two weeks later, another crazy amount of miles, and now he went even further out of LA.. WTF?? Then last, he drove to San Diego when he was supposed to be with grandma.. When confronted, he flat out denied it!! Even though I said I had the odometer evidence and also, a location he entered I the gps.. The next day he recapitulated and said he went to san diego to look for a xmas present for me as a surprise Please! This is when I knew I had a very serious problem!! October was tense and unraveling. Finally, on nov 9th, a mistress of his sent an email to a coworker asking to be forwarded to me. She met him on an online dating site, where he maintained an open profile, with all recent pix that I had taken of him!!! They saw each other for 7 weeks then he dumped her and stopped returning texts. But she saw my name on his Facebook (though he wouldn't friend her) and thought I was his next victim. He told me he was with grandma wen he was with her, and he told her that he lived in the marina with his granny (my apt.!!)!and made a bunch of money and my car was his car etc.. I kicked him out for the weekend as I sorted out if he was simply a cheater who lies to cover his cheating, or if I was dealing with something more.., the answer was yes..
To make a long story short, once I started investigating, I found out that there is no grandma, he never went to UNC, never played football there, his ex wife was actually alive!! And suing him for child support!! He actually had two daughters with her while married, that he never mentioned a word of in 15 months!! Mind boggling! His entire life was a complete lie, from soup to nuts!! He told me thousands and thousands of lies in the time we were together.
So where was he the thirty or so times he went to visit grandma before his mistress came forward?? Not with her. She didn't move to CA until end of July.
After finding info about romantic sociopaths, I realize that he is the poster boy!! Made up past, multiple women, lies upon lies upon lies.. Personal tragedy, inflated credentials, arrogance. But honestly, until he started driving all of the weird places, I was very happy with him.
I kicked him out immediately and he left peaceably. Thank god. He is 6' 5" and 270 lbs. I put the rest of his stuff in a rented storage unit and gave him till 1/15/13 to get it. He is still maintaining that he is at grandmas, but I know there is no grandma. I know he is onto his new conquest, and I feel terrible for her..
Ok.. Thanks for listening . I'm just trying to put one foot in front of the other...
V777
deleted_user
My crazy ex also had all kinds of online profiles and he also posted pictures of himself that I had taken. And then of course denied it all when I confronted him about it. They are so gross.
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