Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
I don't know folks, I could just be rambling on about much of nothing here, but in recent days I've been feeling very strange and odd, and when I go about analyzing my feelings, I almost come to the strange answer, I almost always feel like my sociopathic ex-faince took part of my soul back home with her!
I don't know what to make of this, I've been in other serious relationships before, but this recent one takes the cake! Way back in High School (1985 to 1989) I had 3 very serious relationships with very normal and regular women, whenever those relations ended I never felt like they took any piece of me with them. I've been previously married to my ex-wife (1991 to 2008), my prior marriage ended in divorce, but even with the 14 years invested and instigating a divorce, even after that relationship ended I never felt like my very normal and regular person of a wife took any real piece of me with her after she was gone!
My ex-girlfriend (2010 to 2012) even after that relationship ended I didn't feel like she took any part of me with her as she left. Now here we come, my ex-faince (late 2012 to 2014) this is where I am at a serious loss! It's been 3 months now since she has physically been in my life, it's been since August-7th since the last time we talked on the phone and here I am, for the life of me I can't figure out why, with this particular woman, why it feels like she ripped out part of my soul and took it back home with her.
The other women I've been with were normal in ever sense of the word compared to my ex-fiance. Some around these parts may be aware of my recent breakup story, but in a nut shell, she was a liar, a charmer, a deceiver, a manipulator, a controller, a user, a taker, at times a mild mentally abusing person, a person who rarely said "thank you" to anything that might have been given or done for her, a person who has some "entitlement" issues, a person that never once during the relationship ever said "sorry" about anything, a person who unknowingly came to me with so much damage from a life time of abuse she witnessed and suffered back at home, a person who unknowingly at first came to me a a former "cutter", damaging a very "private area of her body" when she a was a teenager, a person unknowingly at first who came to me being a person who was yanked out of the 2nd grade and never allowed to return to school, a person who unknowingly at first who was never allowed to seek out professional help of any sort for her life's problems, a person who brought her narcissistic father into my life, ect. ect. ect. ............I could go on!
Without knowing much or any of the baggage she brought into our relationship, at that, I loved her more than any woman I've ever loved before. She said all the right things, she did all the right actions, in very short order this woman almost morphed herself into what I had always thought the woman of my dreams would be. This woman was very attentive to my needs and wants and desires and at first she feed into them all and satisfied each and ever one. This woman was getting experiences of a life time with me, many to be "1st" for her, many day trips, many restaurant visits, many movie theater trips, many times hanging out with friends and family ect. ect. ect.
Granted, I wasn't totally dumb, there were the occasional "red flags" but when things were starting out for us, the red flags felt like many I might have faced before with normal woman, so blindly I brushed them off and kept going! Then one day I put my foot down and no longer allow money to be sent back home to family, and from that moment there was a total "doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hide" routine! Subsequently, the relationship, due to mischievous and manipulative reasons ends, and she goes back home to things worse off there then they were here.
Granted, I have made a lot of progress in my recovery from this situation, for nearly 3 months I've attended weekly support groups, joined many on-line support groups here on Daily Strength, picked back up reading "self help" books, had many honest and open conversations about these matters with friends and family, placed myself under the care of a Psychiatrist, am taking medications, I've done a lot to help myself to get back towards making myself whole again! But that's the issue, this person who came into my life like a lovely whirlwind, full of all the hopes and promises and dreams and love, then exit's my life like a devastating hurricane and almost leaves me for dead, this is the trick here, why did I always feel whole after my previous relations with what society would consider normal and regular women, and here it is, I mess around this one person who to come to find out from all my sources is a sociopath, why with this one do I feel like she ripped out a part of my soul and took it with her? Why with this one am I having the hardest time getting back to a place in life where I feel complete? Why with this one can't I seem to get my mind and heart back on track? And the kicker here......why with this one, who did all she did to me and my family and friends, and everything her family did to the same people, why oh why does a part of me still feel so addicted to her?
I don't know, I could be making mountains of mole hills here and be rambling on about nothing, but this one I just can;t figure out. I've done all the things to help myself, I've invested tons of hours watching educational videos about Narcissists and Sociopaths and Psychopaths on You Tube, I've invested a lot of time reading official medical documents on-line about these physiological labels, but still with all I've learned and all I've seen through the video's and all I've been able to take away from my support groups and talks with friends and family, why oh why, do I still feel like in some regards that I'm at a loss here?
I just can't figure why I would still be in many ways still in love, or at least addicted to a person like this, and why does it feel like they took some of who I am with them?
In certain aspects it's as if I almost feel guilty about being the victim here, which that issue alone as to why I feel that way has got me stumped!
Can someone please explain this to me, am I just stupid, am I just uneducated, an I making something out of nothing? I don't know............I just feel like she took from me parts of what makes me, me!
I don't know what to make of this, I've been in other serious relationships before, but this recent one takes the cake! Way back in High School (1985 to 1989) I had 3 very serious relationships with very normal and regular women, whenever those relations ended I never felt like they took any piece of me with them. I've been previously married to my ex-wife (1991 to 2008), my prior marriage ended in divorce, but even with the 14 years invested and instigating a divorce, even after that relationship ended I never felt like my very normal and regular person of a wife took any real piece of me with her after she was gone!
My ex-girlfriend (2010 to 2012) even after that relationship ended I didn't feel like she took any part of me with her as she left. Now here we come, my ex-faince (late 2012 to 2014) this is where I am at a serious loss! It's been 3 months now since she has physically been in my life, it's been since August-7th since the last time we talked on the phone and here I am, for the life of me I can't figure out why, with this particular woman, why it feels like she ripped out part of my soul and took it back home with her.
The other women I've been with were normal in ever sense of the word compared to my ex-fiance. Some around these parts may be aware of my recent breakup story, but in a nut shell, she was a liar, a charmer, a deceiver, a manipulator, a controller, a user, a taker, at times a mild mentally abusing person, a person who rarely said "thank you" to anything that might have been given or done for her, a person who has some "entitlement" issues, a person that never once during the relationship ever said "sorry" about anything, a person who unknowingly came to me with so much damage from a life time of abuse she witnessed and suffered back at home, a person who unknowingly at first came to me a a former "cutter", damaging a very "private area of her body" when she a was a teenager, a person unknowingly at first who came to me being a person who was yanked out of the 2nd grade and never allowed to return to school, a person who unknowingly at first who was never allowed to seek out professional help of any sort for her life's problems, a person who brought her narcissistic father into my life, ect. ect. ect. ............I could go on!
Without knowing much or any of the baggage she brought into our relationship, at that, I loved her more than any woman I've ever loved before. She said all the right things, she did all the right actions, in very short order this woman almost morphed herself into what I had always thought the woman of my dreams would be. This woman was very attentive to my needs and wants and desires and at first she feed into them all and satisfied each and ever one. This woman was getting experiences of a life time with me, many to be "1st" for her, many day trips, many restaurant visits, many movie theater trips, many times hanging out with friends and family ect. ect. ect.
Granted, I wasn't totally dumb, there were the occasional "red flags" but when things were starting out for us, the red flags felt like many I might have faced before with normal woman, so blindly I brushed them off and kept going! Then one day I put my foot down and no longer allow money to be sent back home to family, and from that moment there was a total "doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hide" routine! Subsequently, the relationship, due to mischievous and manipulative reasons ends, and she goes back home to things worse off there then they were here.
Granted, I have made a lot of progress in my recovery from this situation, for nearly 3 months I've attended weekly support groups, joined many on-line support groups here on Daily Strength, picked back up reading "self help" books, had many honest and open conversations about these matters with friends and family, placed myself under the care of a Psychiatrist, am taking medications, I've done a lot to help myself to get back towards making myself whole again! But that's the issue, this person who came into my life like a lovely whirlwind, full of all the hopes and promises and dreams and love, then exit's my life like a devastating hurricane and almost leaves me for dead, this is the trick here, why did I always feel whole after my previous relations with what society would consider normal and regular women, and here it is, I mess around this one person who to come to find out from all my sources is a sociopath, why with this one do I feel like she ripped out a part of my soul and took it with her? Why with this one am I having the hardest time getting back to a place in life where I feel complete? Why with this one can't I seem to get my mind and heart back on track? And the kicker here......why with this one, who did all she did to me and my family and friends, and everything her family did to the same people, why oh why does a part of me still feel so addicted to her?
I don't know, I could be making mountains of mole hills here and be rambling on about nothing, but this one I just can;t figure out. I've done all the things to help myself, I've invested tons of hours watching educational videos about Narcissists and Sociopaths and Psychopaths on You Tube, I've invested a lot of time reading official medical documents on-line about these physiological labels, but still with all I've learned and all I've seen through the video's and all I've been able to take away from my support groups and talks with friends and family, why oh why, do I still feel like in some regards that I'm at a loss here?
I just can't figure why I would still be in many ways still in love, or at least addicted to a person like this, and why does it feel like they took some of who I am with them?
In certain aspects it's as if I almost feel guilty about being the victim here, which that issue alone as to why I feel that way has got me stumped!
Can someone please explain this to me, am I just stupid, am I just uneducated, an I making something out of nothing? I don't know............I just feel like she took from me parts of what makes me, me!
They build you up and then drop you with zero sense of guilt or remorse. It hurts like hell and it is very real.
The perfect person for you is a lie. This perfect persom can trun himself into your reflection, but you cannot really touch it. It sounds like poetry a bit but it is not dramatic at all. It happens.
I think in a way psychopaths/sociopaths do take a part of us with them. I don't think impossible for us to get those parts back but it does take time. I think the way they mirror us and make us believe they are our soulmates makes us feel like they stole our dreams. At least that's the way I felt with mine. I felt like he swooped into my life, promised to be everything I was ever looking for, figured out exactly what all my hopes and dreams were so that he could pretend to fulfill them, and then later turned into the exact opposite of everything I was looking for and took my hopes and dreams with him. It feels like having someone give you the greatest gift and then having them take it back. But what you thought was inside the box, what she made you believe was inside the box, wasn't what was really in the box...if that makes any sense.
So I think the sense of loss we feel is the feeling like our dreams were being fulfilled, but when reality sets in and we find out the truth about everything we realize it was all a mirage, all fake, and we end up grieving the loss of our dreams or feeling very empty inside. I think that's a natural feeling for anyone who has gotten out of a relationship with a P/S.
Even though I left my socio-ex, it didn't make that feeling any easier to deal with. And I did feel empty and lost and like parts of me were missing afterwards. But unlike sociopaths we have a true sense of self, and so eventually those parts fall back into place as we begin to feel "normal" again. For me I was in the relationship 10 months and it's been a year since I left him. It's taken that whole year to start to feel like I'm getting myself back, including all the hopes and dreams I once had before him. I think that happens with everyone eventually but depends on how long you were in the relationship, how long you've been out of it, how much work you've done along the way, etc. Sounds like you're on the right track with everything you've learned, counselling you've done etc. I think the rest is just a matter of time and patience with yourself.
I completely understand what your going thru Aaron. For me it has been a long two years of separation from my wife. And I'm just starting to fell normal again. We have been married for 28 years and raised four children together. I have just recently became aware that my wife was a sociopath. And what makes it worse, is that her Boss is narcissist sociopath who controls all the women in his office. I could see some changes after my wife started working for him but I just thought that part of her abused childhood. I always suspected a mental affair with with her Boss but she would always deny it and became very defensive every time I addressed it. When I saw her 2 weeks ago she finally admitted that her mental affair was a fantasy. There is a lot more to this story, for which I'm writing a book about my experience with my sole mate. But what makes me more sad then anything else is that I never saw my wife cry after my son committed suicide in 2005.