Nutellina,

I am with you on this one. I read this article over and over reminding myself this awful feeling will pass.
http://www.lovefraud.com/2009/10/01/experiencing-the-impact-of-grief-part-1/

It is torture and that's the whole package when you love a P. They thrive on your pain and feelings of hopelessness.
You have been incredibly strong so far you cut him out of your life that is really tuff but you did it.
I used some hypnotherapy downloads to help me they suggest you only listen to them once a day but some times when the dead feeling descends on me I listen to it 3 times a day.
Your going through allot but your'e not alone there are many great things for you to experience in this life wonderful friendships and a wonderful relationship with a genuine caring beautiful man.
The dead feeling will pass the more help you get the quicker you will heal so don't hesitate call and make an appointment with a councillor or Psychologist. Read books and articles on the whole Sociopath Psychopath disorder and keep your posts going here I love reading your take on things.
Stay strong, love yourself we can't let these egomaniacs win!
Love to you
stargone12

We ALL feel that way, Nutelina. Unless some of us have moved past this stage. I believe this state is described in that excellent article that bella posted about why it is so hard to let go of them. They create an addiction in us in which they are our drug. They are the source of our joy and excitement. But remember, they are also the source of our pain.

I know this too shall pass as I have been through it before--many years ago. If I remember correctly, there comes a time when you walk out into the sunshine. You realize that horrible addiction has let go of you and that you are free. Then you fully understand how evil and toxic it was. Then you feel normal again and nothing but gratitude for the loss of "thing" you are missing within yourself now.

I get it. Sometimes i just want to fall asleep and never wake up. My friends mom just died and i would trade places with her in a minute. But something inside me continues to want to live. It would sure be easy just to stop to exist. In the future we could check into a facility, sign some papers, and kindly be put to sleep in a painless manner. What keeps us going? For me I hope this hiccup in my life will pass. I continue to see my S/P and put up with his crazy life. I support whatever crazy thing he is up to. This week was very tough for me. I confronted him and all i got was double talk that left me even more confused. You can't win with a S/P ever. So for now I'm trying to enjoy the good times, try not to think about what he is doing behind my back. Our minds tend to run crazy with "what ifs" "where is he" "who is he with" "why doesn't he return my text". When will it end? Im recently educated about P/S. I went through all my past relationships and at least 3 qualify for the P/S club. I'm a P/S magnet. Time is our friend. As time passes we'll either get fed up and move on, or just make the best of it. So many people in the big world, why do we settle? I don't know? I know Im a good catch. I sometime think I'm just lazy. Its easier to stay with someone you're familiar with than to reach out for a new mate. My problem is that I'm not very social, Im self employed with no employees. I have no one that i can talk to (therapist don't count lol), The people i can talk to aren't interested in hearing the same story time after time. Something positive did come of my friends mom passing. I connected with an old friend. We're meeting this weekend, kinda a double date. Its going to be a nice distraction. Its easy to say "get out and do something" however the depression that goes with a P/S relationship is crippling. Who wants to go out when you feel like you been used, cheated on, taken advantage of, and violated. Well i have no answer for you, but its awesome to commiserate with people in the same boat. Hope you feel better soon!!

Yes, the feeling dead inside is normal for us victims. At best, I think it is emotional numbness or shutdown for our protection. If we don't feel much, we don't feel pain, loss, anger, fear, sadness. At worst, it may be dissociation. Many of us have Complex PTSD.

It seems to pass once the P is out of your life, even if it is just mostly. It seems to take from a few months to 2-3 years. Then, your emotions will thaw and you will come back to life. It has happened to a few of us on these message boards, myself included.

So don't stop living. The best is yet to come, even if that feels hopeless now. Somehow it just happens.

I felt "numb" in my long marriage. Now almost 2 yrs he is gone and I discovered all that he really was (case file story). I feel better and things happen and trigger it and I feel that way again. Worried I will never get over it. The distruction they do in the relationship and the residue after in me and our children is sadly great. Although it makes me sad and I don't wish this on anyone else it is comforting to know their are others who can relate. I don't feel like anyone in my circles really gets it.

I dont thisk it is possible for normal peope who never had these experience to understand . It is something so different than any other dicorce/brake up.
I have found out that it is wise to be carefull who I tell my story to. The worst is not to be belived. I have used many many months to really get help here in my little country up north.
Wish for you the very best and hope you can find more help too.

Everyone has a lot of good advise here. Nutellina have you read any literature or articles explaining the cycles of emotions you are going to feel while going through recovery? It can help a lot, and make you understand why you feel the way you do. It won't make you feel any better about it, but I think its the first step toward getting the feelings of nothingness under control.

I feel the same way! Utterly destroyed be a heartless psychopath...

escapefor1 is so correct it does happen to almost everyone of us , it is a normal response to what has happened to us. and yes in time it does wear off. sometimes the mind has to shut down to protect the heart, the pain associated with this type of person is so overwhelming at times it can seem to be too much. but just know that it will go away and you will feel alive again. it is not permanent.

I think detaching is a defense mechanism emotionally..

I am in this state, but also am getting angry. My anger is justified, but most in the judicial process act as if I am the perpetrator or have a problem anytime I speak out. Constant frivolous suits and requirements have drained me financially. I feel like everything I do is under a microscope. My ex spath husband who broke my nose so bad it required surgery to repair then somehow managed to have the case expunged from the DA's office in mid process....it just disappeared is trying to obtain custody of my children. He requested mediation.....and it has happened. I cannot even understand why I should be in mediation with a person who previously broke my nose. It defies common sense that anyone would even think such a person has good will. I am concerned for my children and very disheartened at what this man gets away with and how our system does not seem to have or utilize checks and balances on this type of behavior.

Nutellina, I am sorry I did not mean to complain about my issue on your thread a couple of days ago. I do understand where you are coming from in not feeling much and feeling almost dead. I have been there and it comes and goes. Please remember your exceptional ability to love threatens evil enough for it to single you out for direct combat. You have a purpose and you are living it. If you were not, you would never have become a target because you would not have posed a threat to evil. Does that make any sense? Hang in there and know that you are not alone.