It's perfectly normal to feel like this after you have been in a relationship with an anti-social. .. it makes you hypervigilant for a while because you now know from first hand experience that not everybody can be trusted. You view humanity in a whole new light .. and it was perhaps your ability to unconditionally trust people that allowed the psycho to exploit you in the first place.

Trust needs to be earned - not given away freely - we learn to trust people freely at an early age, sometimes without question. Just learn to take your time with people - listen to the questions that they ask, and most importantly, trust your intuition.

Most people are good, honest people, and will not set out to deliberately hurt you, you now have the knowledge and experience to protect yourself from the ones who will .

Yes. I am two years out. I struggled with this VERY badly in the first year. I was in therapy and my therapist described it in a way that made sense because the PTSD and anxiety was so intense. He said "you spent your life living in bright white, that is not where most people live, the pendulum has now swung completely to black, that is not where most people live either. Your goal is to get to grayer white. A little of each color. My pendulum has swung back but not far enough yet. My color is probably a steel gray color still and I would like for it to be a soft gray. I am happy and peaceful most of the time BUT one of the lingering effects is the mistrust. I wish I could say it goes away but that has not been my experience. I have some pretty bad scenarios run through my head and have been practicing self-talk therapy since last summer to manage that anxiety. It has improved but really I think I have found ways to deal with it better rather than it going away. From the start I have told my therapist that the thing that makes me the most angry is that he took pieces of me away and introduced me to a world that I was not aware existed. You cannot unexperience this shit and you cannot wipe your memory, so I am afraid that and least for me that I may be in this state for the long haul.

I hear you so clearly. Most people will never understand what we have gone through. I just wish I could turn my memory off completely. Its like a computer chip. I never had an inclination about true psychopathy until I did my own research when a therapist I had a few years ago said my son most likely has anti-social personality disorder. I did not know what that was. Like most people I always thought psychopaths were the creepy murderers out there. Children who brutalize small animals. Wow was I wrong. People are afraid of the word sociopath/psychopath when they are everywhere among us.

I hear you so clearly. Most people will never understand what we have gone through. I just wish I could turn my memory off completely. Its like a computer chip. I never had an inclination about true psychopathy until I did my own research when a therapist I had a few years ago said my son most likely has anti-social personality disorder. I did not know what that was. Like most people I always thought psychopaths were the creepy murderers out there. Children who brutalize small animals. Wow was I wrong. People are afraid of the word sociopath/psychopath when they are everywhere among us. I now trust no one.

You will find that normal, loving people do not raise any of these flags. After an encounter with a psychopath, most survivors face the struggle of hypervigilance: who can really be trusted? Your gauge will swing back and forth for a while, like a volatile pendulum. You will wonder if you’ve gone absolutely mad—wanting to believe the best in an old friend or a new date, but feeling sick to the stomach when you actually spend time with them.

Developing your intuition is a personal process, but I would leave you with this: the world is mostly full of good people, and you don’t want to miss out on that because you’ve been hurt. Spend some time getting in touch with your feelings. Keep tweaking until you find a comfortable balance of awareness and trust. Look within and understand why you felt the way you did. You will discover that many old relationships may need revisiting. And as you begin to abandon toxic patterns, healthier ones will inevitably appear in their place.

To quote a longtime member & friend, Phoenix, you will stop asking “Do they like me?” and start asking “Do I like them?”

https://www.psychopathfree.com/content.php?212-30-Red-Flags

I'm just holding back and watching. I feel safe on Facebook because there are miles between me and anyone I talk to, and I will keep it that way. It will take time, so just keep reading and educating yourself. For me there is nothing positive that came out of this experience, except being vigilant and knowing that my family believes me and believes in me.

I trust no one.
I wish I could say I hate who I have become, but I've had too many negative people in my life to believe in the existence of non N/S/P.
I have two sons that I love unconditionally. I don't worry about needing to trust them, because I know I love them. OK-I recognize I am totally damaged.
I have grown up around these dysfunctional people. I have to stay with my N. I have no one else except the guy that rents downstairs. I had an affair with him and then dated him when I was separated. Both my N and my friend say they want to take care of me as I decline. I fear the stress is only worsening my MS.

I've recognized a lot that when i am doing things for myself I constantly think about what my exP would say or think about what I'm doing.

Even though i am NC....my decisions are not yet my own. I'm paranoid about my ex "finding out". i don't feel as free at all as i used to before i met them :(

There has been a lot of damage done.

I am always afraid to do certain things because I know he would not like that. After growing up in a dysfunctional relationship, drinking much of my life, and now having been with a P for the past five years, I often realize I don't know what I want. I don't know how I feel. I am good at places like work, where I know what I am supposed to do. It's the time on my own that I have trouble with.

I can understand fully the trust issue. I have been iver two yrs since contact with the P. I still do not trust a soul. Thank you for bringing this up.