Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
I am still stuck, with many answers unknown because he chose to discard me like a piece of trash. I feel like it will make me feel better if he just put it all out there, but then again, would it be the truth?
I go to the store or to the gas station and freak out because I think I see his car or him, and it's not. My heart sinks to the bottom of my feet. Still not sleeping well, crying less, but had therapy cancelled twice over the past 2 weeks. It takes every bit of strength to do something around the house or even for me.
I did go for 3.5 mile run yesterday, just to get out in the sunshine, but again, every ford explorer coming down the road, I freak. I just bought this house a year ago, with his encouragement, and while I love it, I hate it at the same time. So many things done together, so many empty promises, so many lies while he was married to another woman and I did not even know. How could one truly be so hurtful?
I am almost done reading Psychopathfree, and I swear, minus the violence, it could be my life, and probably all of our lives. However, I am reading the recovery part, and it said DO NOT make any big changes!
I may have a better career opportunity in California, but I really don't want to move all the way across country just to move on, but I do need a distraction, and one that will better my life. I don't want to turn to drugs, sex or alcohol as a coping mechanism, but I also don't want to spend time with other people.
There is a friend of mine, male, who I feel is trying to use my pain against me and be the "good friend" to get into my life in hopes that we may be an item. I do not see him this way, never have, and never will, but I feel almost to the point of uncomfortable. I will not spend any time alone with him. If he wants to hang out, we all have to be in a group together, but again, I am petrified that he is trying to take advantage of my weakness and vulnerability.
I just want to escape from it all. I am sick of dreaming about my life prior to this, when we were "happy" and I was unknowing. I am now living this nightmare. And while I am thankful I have no real ties to him, other than the money that I lent him over the past 6 years, I just can't get over how evil someone could be. Deliberately deceitful and manipulative. I am amazed he could keep it up as long as he did. Had I not wanted to friend his daughter on Facebook, I NEVER would have found out. So I can count myself as lucky, but can I really? I can't my heart back. I can't get my love back, I can't get my best friend back, and I can't get my trust back.
Most of my friends still really don't understand why it's taking so long. They see me and see that I am trying to be joyous, but underneath it all, I would rather just be at home, under the covers, but then I don't want to be there either, because I see him everywhere, even if it is in my head.
I just don't know what to do. I am at a loss!!!!
I go to the store or to the gas station and freak out because I think I see his car or him, and it's not. My heart sinks to the bottom of my feet. Still not sleeping well, crying less, but had therapy cancelled twice over the past 2 weeks. It takes every bit of strength to do something around the house or even for me.
I did go for 3.5 mile run yesterday, just to get out in the sunshine, but again, every ford explorer coming down the road, I freak. I just bought this house a year ago, with his encouragement, and while I love it, I hate it at the same time. So many things done together, so many empty promises, so many lies while he was married to another woman and I did not even know. How could one truly be so hurtful?
I am almost done reading Psychopathfree, and I swear, minus the violence, it could be my life, and probably all of our lives. However, I am reading the recovery part, and it said DO NOT make any big changes!
I may have a better career opportunity in California, but I really don't want to move all the way across country just to move on, but I do need a distraction, and one that will better my life. I don't want to turn to drugs, sex or alcohol as a coping mechanism, but I also don't want to spend time with other people.
There is a friend of mine, male, who I feel is trying to use my pain against me and be the "good friend" to get into my life in hopes that we may be an item. I do not see him this way, never have, and never will, but I feel almost to the point of uncomfortable. I will not spend any time alone with him. If he wants to hang out, we all have to be in a group together, but again, I am petrified that he is trying to take advantage of my weakness and vulnerability.
I just want to escape from it all. I am sick of dreaming about my life prior to this, when we were "happy" and I was unknowing. I am now living this nightmare. And while I am thankful I have no real ties to him, other than the money that I lent him over the past 6 years, I just can't get over how evil someone could be. Deliberately deceitful and manipulative. I am amazed he could keep it up as long as he did. Had I not wanted to friend his daughter on Facebook, I NEVER would have found out. So I can count myself as lucky, but can I really? I can't my heart back. I can't get my love back, I can't get my best friend back, and I can't get my trust back.
Most of my friends still really don't understand why it's taking so long. They see me and see that I am trying to be joyous, but underneath it all, I would rather just be at home, under the covers, but then I don't want to be there either, because I see him everywhere, even if it is in my head.
I just don't know what to do. I am at a loss!!!!
Deceptive people start along their path at a very young age, it becomes part of their personality. What would be a great effort for us is just normal behavior for them.
Sounds like sage advice to me, I've heard it before...never make major decisions while you're recovering from something traumatic. Hang tough, this will pass.
I'm so sorry. They are not humans with empathy so you cannot expect him to ever feel badly for what he did to you. I'm sure he does feel badly that HE lost a "provider" but other than that he doesn't care. He doesn't care how you feel. And you will never get the real answers. Ever. The only comfort you might seek now is that you have sent him the message (silently) that you are not a fool. That you respect yourself. That you know what a cheat and liar he is. Your ability to walk away is far more powerful than to beg him for answers which will be lies and fodder anyway. You win. I know it doesn't feel this way but if you could buy into it a bit - it might give you empowerment. You have told him you are worth more and you are. Please know my thoughts are with you. I so so so get how you feel. It's unreal, surreal and plain old empty.
That's when you know you had a lucky escape, there is still so much grieving to do though. Grieving is a very active process I found I have to cry, to let it out, shout get angry. Let it out whichever way you can, don't make any huge decisions for a long time, wait until you are feeling better.
Trust your instincts when it comes to those who are around you, there are so many men who see the vulnerability of a woman going through a break up that they will use the opportunity. I had a problem with a male friend who tried to do that, stay strong and listen to your gut.
If it wasn't for Facebook ....wow yes I agree that you found out some truths through friending your exes daughter. An innocent act that lead to you finding the truth, you are brave to accept the truth so many want to live in denial so they don't face the pain but it only puts off the inevitable.
I find myself wondering how these deceivers sleep at night but then you have to keep the knowledge that there is no empathy, no responsibility, no boundaries with these psychopaths.
Thanks guys - I am still undetermined about the Cali opportunity. It may be a way for me to fake it until I make it, as Lovechild said :) It will help me focus on me and professional growth. I was unhappy in my current job before all of this came crashing down, so it's not just about wanting to uproot my life, totally.
That guy came with us to a friends dinner on Saturday night. I so badly didn't want to leave the house, but I forced myself to. When we were all getting ready to leave, he put his hand around my waist and the small of my back and I got rigid. Then he text me when he got home and said I am a beautiful, intelligent and special woman and he was glad that I made myself get out of the house.... Red flags everywhere to me. I feel like he is trying to take advantage of my vulnerability, so I am going to have to set some boundaries. Hard ones. I just don't like to be mean, but that's partly what ended me up in this position in the first place. Just because he's a nice friend does not mean I have to reciprocate his affection/comments.
The more and more I read "Psychopath Free" it's amazing that all these emotions that I am going through are written in that book. We have all been there or are going through it currently. It's just sad to know that such evil truly exists in this world. This fantasy world that they invent for themselves is just astonishing. Truly, if they put as much effort into doing something progressive than to betray and humiliate others, maybe they would find a cure for cancer or something that the world needs. But it's not their nature, they could give two shits about the world, it's all about them. Ugh.
Before pressing a yellow "submit" button on DS, I always save my text by holding down the control key and pressing A C Home in sequence. That will save your post onto the scratch pad so you can retrieve it with the "paste" command if something goes haywire. Just make sure the cursor is in the text window when you press Control A or you'll select the entire page.
Having moved a lot, I would think a move might make sense, especially if you have a good career opportunity, and a chance to refocus on career instead of relationships for a while.