Lord in heaven! Your not stupid, your lucky! Calling yourself names isn't helping anyone, certainly not yourself. Would you mind providing more info on who this was and where and how long after did you meet and marry your husband. Warning people hasn't worked. They always think that either you have alterior motives or that the sociopath really loves them and whatever happend with you will never happen with them. There is a man in danger right now from our sociopath. But every year he is with her I wonder more if he might not be one as well.

His name was Alvin B. from Baltimore MD. I dated him from Feb 2009 to April 2009 and he boomeranged six months later. And I still went out with him, but he was no longer interested. He committed suicide this feb 2013 after remarrying his new wife in 2012, and killing her. I don't understand how I could of fell for him. I have know my husband for eight years but we had and on and off relationship until I decided to marry after being "offically discarded, or maybe I escaped.....I don't know....I decided to marry in order to rid myself of his memory but even in his death he still haunts me. I know my husband is committed to me and I do love my husband, but I can't close this door even though the psychopath is dead. My friend told me that Alvin was going to kill someone but I was in denial. I should of just never given him a chance in hell, but I did. My "friend" called me stupid for dating Alvin. I feel sooo bad.

I wish i could have warned her.....but there was no way since I couldn't communicate with them

Wow Morgan, this must have been traumatic, as you must have thought 'this could have been me'

How are you? This is quite a lot of truamatic information to take in, are you ok? You sound quite stunned....

Warning her wouldn't have worked morgan, he would have just lied about you. Likely he would have told a lot of lies about you from beginning. They do this.

I am just concerned about you, as you sound quite traumatised? Am I wrong?

I just read the numerous stories about Alvin online. Did you know that there were several other domestic violence murder-suicides that same week? You trusted, you opened your heart, you had faith in someone. They say child of Candace discovered the mother. Forget about feeling stupid and go hug your kids. You survived!

Well I am traumatized maybe I need some help but know one really understands not even counselors

That is because a counsellor is no good for trauma. You need a specialist therapist.

Can you try this online test for PTSD?

http://www.healthyplace.com/psychological-tests/ptsd-test/

I think that the word is used way too often - as there are certain characteristics that need to be present for it to be PTSD, one of the most important is that your life was at risk.

If you knew that this person was a killer prior to being involved with him, I think that this counts.

Additionally, in the last year, I recognise trauma, because i lost 3 years of my life to severe chronic PTSD, my cognitive processing is only just starting to work again.

Can you try the test and see what the score you get? I can see trauma in you (It is something about the words that you write)..... I do think that you are traumatised.

PTSD trauma is different to anxiety, stress, depression, it is real - and it is hell to go through

Nightmares
Insomnia (I still don't sleep too well)
Triggers and flashbacks
Feeling hypervigalant, or a sense of imending doom like sommething bad is going to happen
A sense of lack of power

If you score highly on the test, can you take this to your doctor? And ask to see a therapist for PTSD. I am sure that they can help you.

A PTSD therapist would recognise what it is. It is hell to go through therapy (EMDR is the most effective)

Normal therapy can make it worse..... with proper therapy expect to be re-traumatised again but you will learn to manage it, and to start to feel safe again.

I really do think that you have PTSD, I can see it..... can you let me know what the test results are?

Remember, that PTSD is a NORMAL reaction to a very ABNORMAL event.

I truly believe that it is one of the most awful things in the world to go through. Because you can feel normal, and then Bang there is a trigger, and you are back to square one again.

You need a specialist to help you to feel safe. To work on the cognitive processing in your brain to realise that there was nothing you could have done - to help you through. EMDR has a 91% success rate for full recovery. I can honestly recommend it.