Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
Well that West Coast job offer didn't come through. I still am not sleeping in my room. I can barely go in there, just to dump an obscene amount of laundry on what was our bed. I have a family member coming to stay with me one night this week, and where I am sleeping is usually "her room", and I am so not ready to go back in my room.
This was my birthday week (Last Thursday), and I was in my PJ's, on the sofa, ordered pizza watching reruns of sitcoms all night, crying. Not that we really ever spent all of my birthdays together, in fact, there were less of them together than more (one of which I was away on business, but never celebrated when I returned.)
My friends wanted to hang out, but I was so depressed, I didn't want to do anything. I (we) celebrated his birthday every year. I made a big deal out of it because I thought he was so deserving of feeling pampered, it just reminded me that he made me feel that I was not. I also was reminded during this birthday that I spent the last 6 with him, all for lies. What a waste of a good chunk of my life.
I hate him, but I still can't stop loving who he was, or who I thought he was. I was out in my yard this weekend doing cleanup work and weeding, crying because I didn't want to be inside my house. I thought if I got out, I would feel better. All the weight I lost from not eating right over the past 2 months probably came back this week in binge eating trying to make myself feel better.
My therapist cancelled on me last week and I could have really used it, especially since I broke the NC early last week.
I don't know who I am anymore. I am so lost. I know I deserve more, I know that he can't value my self worth, I know I am a strong and independent woman, and I know I have to put myself out there and regain some strength. These things I truly know, but I still don't feel them. I don't know what else to do to regain some of my sense of self.
My half marathon in SF 2 weeks ago, I finally felt like myself, for the weekend. But I came home, and dreaded doing so. I want to love my home again. I worked my ass off to get there and I don't want to run, but I don't know what else to do!
Again, lost...
Hugs to everyone out there! I know we all have been through, going through or will go through these emotions and it takes time. There are just times I feel hopeless instead of the hopeful person I once was.
This was my birthday week (Last Thursday), and I was in my PJ's, on the sofa, ordered pizza watching reruns of sitcoms all night, crying. Not that we really ever spent all of my birthdays together, in fact, there were less of them together than more (one of which I was away on business, but never celebrated when I returned.)
My friends wanted to hang out, but I was so depressed, I didn't want to do anything. I (we) celebrated his birthday every year. I made a big deal out of it because I thought he was so deserving of feeling pampered, it just reminded me that he made me feel that I was not. I also was reminded during this birthday that I spent the last 6 with him, all for lies. What a waste of a good chunk of my life.
I hate him, but I still can't stop loving who he was, or who I thought he was. I was out in my yard this weekend doing cleanup work and weeding, crying because I didn't want to be inside my house. I thought if I got out, I would feel better. All the weight I lost from not eating right over the past 2 months probably came back this week in binge eating trying to make myself feel better.
My therapist cancelled on me last week and I could have really used it, especially since I broke the NC early last week.
I don't know who I am anymore. I am so lost. I know I deserve more, I know that he can't value my self worth, I know I am a strong and independent woman, and I know I have to put myself out there and regain some strength. These things I truly know, but I still don't feel them. I don't know what else to do to regain some of my sense of self.
My half marathon in SF 2 weeks ago, I finally felt like myself, for the weekend. But I came home, and dreaded doing so. I want to love my home again. I worked my ass off to get there and I don't want to run, but I don't know what else to do!
Again, lost...
Hugs to everyone out there! I know we all have been through, going through or will go through these emotions and it takes time. There are just times I feel hopeless instead of the hopeful person I once was.
My biggest fear is, that I would either meet another one, even though I think I know the signs, not to. I have been off work for ten years, and really don't talk to many people at all, only my kids. I use to have it together, I don't use my upstairs too much, and sometimes, wonder when I will get on with my life. I am 62, and believe that the best is yet to be, but things can throw me, for a while, such as flu, colds, or my daughters dog had to be put down, and i spent so much time with her, it was a set back. I know this is a bad day, but any input is appreciated. I do have a great psychiatrist, and she helps a lot, but I feel that I have been on hold for a long time, but yet I learned the whole time, as well. peace, mw
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