Victims of Psychopaths Community Group

Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.

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How to trust again? (A year and a month later)

elinorrisa
elinorrisa

A year and a month later from the day I dropped the last of his things on his doorstep. A year and a month after the final threads had been snipped. 


First, if you are in the middle of getting out, stay strong. You too will thank yourself a year and a month later and it will all just be a bad dream. I am happier, healthier, and stronger than I have ever been. He doesn't bother me anymore. That being said, I still carry my scars.


I have started seeing a lovely man. I have dated here and there, but this is the first person with real emotional and logistical potential that I have met since I left my sociopath. (I had been moving back and forth a lot - we will be in the same place for the foreseeable future). I am very cautious and very guarded...I find myself watching his every move and word for red flags. 


He is very charming, very eager and full of life. However, although all socio/psychopaths/narcissists are charismatic and come on strong, I know that not all charming men who show real interest are not dangerous/terrible people. I'm afraid every sweet word is a love bomb, I'm afraid to open up and afraid to fall for him. I'm afraid my experiences will come back to haunt all of my future relationships.


Am I being smart? Or I am letting my past hold me back? How did you find love, become vulnerable, trust again after being involved with a sociopath?


*My sociopathic relationship was also my first significant relationship.





gravinggirl
gravinggirl
It takes a long time to recover. I was involved with a sociopath for 16 months and missed all of the signs. In particular, a combination of charm and the pity play (how he had been abused and wronged by everyone in his life, especially his wife) worked well on me. In the end, he put responsibility for his whole life and his consequences on me. I became suicidal, and he romanticized the idea of me committing suicide over him and him as the bereaved sitting by my grave and reading poetry.

I think we as victims have to address the parts of us that draw sociopaths, like people pleasing and wanting to be needed and not setting boundaries. In hindsight, there were previous narcissists and people of low empathy in my life. Do you feel like the silver lining is that we can learn who we are, what our needs are, and what is healthy for us?
gravinggirl
gravinggirl
As for your new relationship, I think if his actions truly match his words even after you step back and consider them, he is probably not a sociopath.
tg10
tg10
I have no idea what to tell you except be cautious.
LivingWater
LivingWater
These types of men leave a trail of wreckage behind them. If we talked to their ex-wives and ex-girlfriends, it would be the same abusive actions to them. They are skilled at making us feel as if we deserve bad treatment. Had an abusive father and one physically abusive marriage. Other relationships were not violent, but still left me feeling terribly betrayed and used. USED UP is perhaps an even better term. I don't think I could ever fully trust a man again.