I knew it from the beginning when he told me that he couldn't feel guilt or remorse and told me about the ways he manipulated women. But I fell in anyway. I don't feel comfortable sharing the details of the relationship or speaking ill of him. I'm somehow paranoid that he'll read this, or know that it's me.

3 years later, despite that overpowering gut feeling from the beginning that has never gone away, I found myself in a long distance relationship...and moving to a different continent to be with him. He broke up with me when I went to visit my family, claiming that he was "too depressed to be with anyone and needed time to be alone but still loved me and would return to me." Chaos of separating from living together ensued; he was cold, hostile. When I returned (I am in the middle of a degree) we continued to see eachother weekly or biweekly, sleep together under the semi mutual agreement that we will be "together" when we he is ready. I discovered that he has been cheating on me since a bit before the breakup. Reading the messages between them was like a copy of our interactions at the beginning of the relationship; to the smallest nuance. He won't admit it; even when the intimate, emotional, sexual messages between them are right in front of us. Denied it with full force, and sat there watching me sob for 2 hours. In piecing together the lies, deception, and betrayals...I am in shock (even though there have been multiple incidents and it is not surprising).

I just want out. I know he's keeping one foot in the door with me...and will get angry, upset, and manipulative if I try to shut that door for good. His things are still being stored in my apartment. I am alone and vulnerable here and terrified that I will stay trapped in his orbit. I'm still very young. If there's someone who can talk to me privately somehow, I would feel more comfortable sharing more.